Gayish: 185 Football (w/ Butz from My Gay Life)

We talk American football with Cyndi Butz-Houghton aka Butz from the podcast My Gay Life. She shares her thoughts on football lesbians, lingerie football, being bad at softball, and trans women in sports.

In this episode: News- 3:44 || Main Topic (Football)-  17:25 || Guest (Butz)- 28:27 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:00:51

On the bonus segment coming Monday, we’ll have more with Butz on why women’s football mascots are better than men’s and other topics we didn’t get to on the main episode.

Gayish: 184 Sexting

Eggplant. Water spurts. Peach, peach, peach. Devil emoji. We talk about the studies on sexters vs. non-sexters, the bizarre history of sexting, and emoji misunderstandings.

 

In this episode: News- 2:34 || Main Topic (Sexting)- 14:49 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:12:20

 

On the bonus segment, coming soon, we’ll read tips from the internet on sexting and debate their efficacy. 

Gayish:183 Rodeo

Ma Johnson joins us to play a game of “Rodeo Term or Sex Act.” Also, the gay rodeo, bareback, Willie Nelson, Lil Nas X, and lots of talk about gay cowboys.

 

In this episode: News- 1:31 || Main Topic (Rodeo)- 17:31 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:01:30

Gayish: 181 Asexual

Asexuals! This is the moment you’ve been waiting for! We talk about the meaning, the history, the studies, and the made-up stereotypes about asexual people. Ace, aro, gray, demi; we love all of you (in a predominantly non-sexual way).

In this episode: News- 8:25 || Main Topic (Asexual)- 25:07 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:04:03

If you’re able, please support the victims of a brutal vehicular attack through Go Fund Me. Both were non-binary people protesting for BLM in Seattle.

On the bonus segment coming on Monday, we talk about asexual animals, because yes, they’re real. Probably. Get bonus segments, early access to episodes, and more at www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast. 

Gayish: 180 Freeballing

In this live streamed episode, we talk about all the celebrities and synonyms and orgasms you need to know about associated with #thatfreeballinglife.

In this episode: News- 3:05 || Main Topic (Freeballing)- 9:30 || Gayest & Straightest- 50:00

In the Patreon bonus segment, Fucking Dan tells us about the origins of the phrase “going commando.” For all the bonus content we have to offer, go to patreon.com/gayishpodcast.

Gayish: 179 Gay Baiting

As requested by Patreon member Tipsy McStumbles (obvi a Gayish listener), we talk about gay baiting, i.e. queerbaiting. What is it? Does Nick Jonas qualify? What does Urban Dictionary think? And what does it have to do with breast cancer?

In this episode: News- 5:19 || Main Topic (Gay Baiting)- 23:35 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:06:52

If you want some gayish rewards, including the opportunity to pick your own episode topic, go to www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast

Gayish: 178 Fathers’ Day (w/ the Peters-Mathews Family)

We follow up on episode 139 (Surrogacy) to see what it’s like so far for gay dads raising their newborn baby. Joseph, Brandon, and baby Topher Peters-Mathews join us to talk about Fathers’ Day.

In this episode: News- 2:33 || Main Topic (Fathers’ Day)- 22:21 || Guests (the Peters-Mathews Family)- 35:49 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:06:00

On the Patreon bonus segment, you’ll hear how Joseph felt about his sermon being used in the Gay White Privilege episode. Support us and get bonus stuff at the same time: www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast.

Gayish: 177 Fat (w/ @gayfatfriend aka Todd Masterson)

Todd Masterson, known on Instagram as @gayfatfriend, shares how Instagays like Matt Dempsey feel about his account. Plus, Mike and Kyle get uncomfortably personal.

In this episode: News- 2:33 || Main Topic (Fat)- 19:34 || Guest (Todd Masterson)- 1:13:09 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:31:01

On Monday’s bonus segment, fat shaming. To access this segment, plus tons of bonus content, go to www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Mike Johnson 0:00
[intro music, sung] When you know that you are queer, but your favorite drink is beer that’s Gayish. You can bottom without stopping but you can’t stand going shopping that’s Gayish. Oh, Gayish. You’re probably Gayish . Life’s just too short for narrow stereotypes. Oh it’s Gayish. We’re all so Gayish. It’s Gayish with Mike and Kyle.

Mike Johnson 0:21
Hello everyone in the podcast universe. This is Gayish.

Kyle Getz 0:24
The podcast that’s really two smaller podcasts standing on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat.

Mike Johnson 0:31
Oh, yeah, like little Gremlins.

Kyle Getz 0:35
Or little children trying to get into an R rated movie.

Mike Johnson 0:37
You know, I Mike Johnson.

Kyle Getz 0:39
I’m Kyle Getz

Mike Johnson 0:40
And we’re here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality and today

Kyle Getz 0:44
Today

Mike Johnson 0:45
We’re gonna talk about fat.

Kyle Getz 0:46
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 0:47
Not p-h-a-t fat either.

Kyle Getz 0:49
No.

Mike Johnson 0:50
More like

Kyle Getz 0:51
regular fat.

Mike Johnson 0:52
Yeah. Yeah, like the kind of Tuesday or the blunts that you roll. I don’t know.

Kyle Getz 1:01
How often do you say the phrase fat blunt Mike?

Mike Johnson 1:05
roll a flat- roll of fat blunt. clearly often enough that I just fucked it up .

Kyle Getz 1:11
But first,

Mike Johnson 1:12
but first, are you ready for some news?

Kyle Getz 1:14
No.

Mike Johnson 1:15
No. Okay, great. Yeah, sure

Kyle Getz 1:17
There are two things I wanted to say first. One is one of our listeners and dare I say friends, Daniele, who’s been on indirectly on our Patreon segment was on a podcast called Ask Auntie talking about being a drag queer, which drag queer was a new word for me and I really enjoy it. So check that out. Their interview is- you can find it under the name misunderstood.

Mike Johnson 1:49
Just like pink.

Kyle Getz 1:50
Just like- there’s no z in this unforch, but the other one is the most adorable thing. Someone in our Facebook group mentioned that they’re getting married.

Mike Johnson 2:01
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 2:02
And I feel like a newspaper they’ve been reached out to confirm for comment, but have not yet replied. So I won’t say their names but

Mike Johnson 2:13
Gayish could not reach them for comment

Kyle Getz 2:14
cannot be reached. Yeah, so that’s that was really cool and really adorable. So congrats to the you know, you know who you are.

Mike Johnson 2:23
Yeah. And and any other gays that got married.

Kyle Getz 2:25
Sure. Yeah. You all count.Okay, those are the things I wanted to say up front. You can do the news now.

Mike Johnson 2:32
Okay, great. Um, first.

Kyle Getz 2:39
(vocalizes the word “news” annoyingly)

Mike Johnson 2:40
Okay, great. We’re back to this now.

Kyle Getz 2:43
Gayish: great, we’re back to this now. That was drunk Cookie Monster sings the news theme song.

Mike Johnson 2:51
Yeah, yeah, a lot like sober Cookie Monster but less slutty. I guess. I don’t know. Okay, So first out of the gate we need to talk about Billy Santoro. Have you been following seen heard of know what’s going on with Billy Santoro?

Kyle Getz 3:06
Yeah, yeah.

Mike Johnson 3:08
yeah. An American gay porn star based in Australia. And yeah, he real racist. he tweeted on June the first he tweeted: lol America exclamation point. lol you let your blacks loot as a way of protest Wake the fuck up shoot first.”

Kyle Getz 3:35
Ewwwww

Mike Johnson 3:36
yeah, yeah so he’s real he’s real he’s real bad

Kyle Getz 3:44
And following that I saw all these tweets about like here other racist porn stars with like quotes and shit they’ve said and done and actually I retweeted on with the caption “don’t jerk off the racism” if you want to check out all the racist porn stars On Gayish Twitter, @gayishpodcast.

Mike Johnson 4:03
yeah, yeah, well, so it’s interesting also that like, cancel culture is for sure thing and 99% of the time, I totally agree with it. And I agree with it in this instance as well. So JustForFans, which is very similar to onlyfans, they were brought into this they were looped, and on Tuesday, June the second they tweeted, his account is gone. Quote, policing is a slippery slope and we won’t be puppets to cancel culture. This was not debatable though. It was vile. BLM. In parentheses, Black Lives Matter. like we needed a fucking translation. They also earlier had said justforfans stands fully behind Black Lives Matter our models of color and our entire user base in wishing this cycle of violence against people of color would end. Okay, so I knew most of that until I started preparing for the news today and then Okay, so First Billy Santoro he disappeared from Twitter his Twitter account was deleted. But right before he did that he posted a way too little too late apology. Quote, I sincerely apologize for hurting the POC with my statement. I have fallen in love with many POC and understand the frustration. A friend of mine was killed during the rioting in Philly and I lashed out full of emotional stress. Those who know me know I am not racist. I am hurt by the loss of my friend. So it’s the it’s the I just get racist when I’m upset, I guess is

Kyle Getz 5:35
I think that’s the gay version of like, Well, I have a black friend. It’s like, well, I dated a black guy.

Mike Johnson 5:39
Yeah, yeah, I’ve taken my share of black dicks. I can say whatever I want to

Kyle Getz 5:44
Exactly.

Mike Johnson 5:45
Then it gets even crazier because his husband, Gage Santoro, who also has disappeared from social media since but he shared pictures of Billy Santoro in a hospital examination room. alleging that he had attempted suicide over the backlash of his racist comments. But lots of followers pointed out that like, it might not even be in a hospital room like it doesn’t they’re in consistencies in the image that people are pointing out that suggests that that is not the story. He- if that is a hospital, he’s almost certainly not there for suicide.

Kyle Getz 6:23
How would you know just based on the picture?

Mike Johnson 6:25
Well, part of it is so he’s laying down in a bed in an exam room just sort of covered with a blanket and his husband’s just sitting there like looking all Gague-y. And somebody pointed out that if you make a suicide attempt in Australia, you are admitted you don’t lie down in an examination room. And so there’s just stuff doesn’t quite add up there

Kyle Getz 6:50
Is they a doctor putting on a rubber glove beside him going. “Do you know the one thing that could help if I relieve that pressure in your anus?”

Mike Johnson 7:02
Yeah. Moving on. Are you ready?

Kyle Getz 7:06
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 7:06
Okay. Next we got to talk about Lindsey Graham.

Kyle Getz 7:12
Did I hear you say lady g for legal reasons?

Mike Johnson 7:15
Lady G. That’s right. That’s right. So the republican senator from South Carolina, Lindsey Graham is, I mean, he’s real gay. He’s dodged gay rumors

Kyle Getz 7:28
allegedly,

Mike Johnson 7:29
whatever. Don’t be like this.

Kyle Getz 7:31
No you- we have to. We’re so big-

Mike Johnson 7:33
Just let me have this Kyle

Kyle Getz 7:33
no we’re so big and popular. We could get sued or sued. I don’t know.

Mike Johnson 7:40
Well, okay. He has dodged gay rumors for years. That’s just a fact. Anyway, a, a porn star Sean Harding @SeanHardingxxx tweeted, quote, there is a homophobic republican senator who is no better than Trump who keeps passing legislation that is damaging to the LGBT and minority communities. Every sex worker I know has been hired by this man, wondering if enough of us spoke out if that could get him out of office. I cannot do this alone. If you’d be willing to stand with me against LG, please let me know. And LG apparently is short for lady G, which is apparently short for Lindsey Graham.

Kyle Getz 8:21
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 8:22
Okay. What do you think about that? Let’s talk about that. First,

Kyle Getz 8:26
I think the biggest part that I’m seeing people being I don’t know, I’m seeing a lot of things but I just this is not me saying a brand new thing. It’s kind of vocalizing what I’ve seen elsewhere that I agree with is that outing someone is a big No, no, that is not- like it’s real fucked up to do it. Don’t do it. Unless there is a very extreme circumstance like this one is where that person is so hypocritical. They’re passing legislation that directly hurts this community while participating actively or passively. We don’t know his position in like gay shit. So this is one of the rare like it is I think it is okay to out them. And the other thing that that again, it’s not me being original but it is not about hiring sex workers. It is not about sex workers themselves. It is not about being gay. It is purely about the hypocrisy and the destruction done to the LGBT community.

Mike Johnson 9:26
Yep. I concur. Yeah, absolutely. And sex workers man, like, what a what a, like,

Kyle Getz 9:36
you show up in the door, and Lindsey Graham opens it and you’re like, oh, god damn it. All right.

Mike Johnson 9:41
What a misunderstood and maligned occupation that doesn’t deserve it. Yeah. So I think we should try to figure out how to go to the Republican National Convention. And

Kyle Getz 9:53
get on Grindr?

Mike Johnson 9:55
and get on Grindr and and see if we can land us a big fish. If You know what I mean?

Kyle Getz 10:03
I mean, that’d be so interesting. Do I have to actually give them the blowjob to get like confirmation? You know, like people are like, Oh no, I was never gonna actually sell you weed. I was just gonna show up with money and, and, and ask you about a fat join not actually take it you know like you have to actually like get to the point where you do it

Mike Johnson 10:22
you should see the dick and then decide.

Kyle Getz 10:24
That’s true. That’s a good that’s a good lesson for all of us really see the dick and then decide. Yeah.

Mike Johnson 10:32
Okay.

Kyle Getz 10:33
Okay,

Mike Johnson 10:34
moving on. Moving on. Moving on. Okay, so we God I’m just so fucking

Kyle Getz 10:47
oh no

Mike Johnson 10:47
spo JK Simmons wife JK Rowling.

Kyle Getz 10:50
Oh, fuck that lady

Mike Johnson 10:52
is in trouble again this week. On June the sixth that was just a couple of days ago, she shared an article titled creating a more equal post COVID-19 world for people who menstruate. Her response included, quote people who menstruate. I’m sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. woban? wimpund? woo mud? And

Kyle Getz 11:18
what’s- it’s clear she knows that the word is wombat.

Mike Johnson 11:22
Right. Exactly. Exactly. And I don’t know. And that’s clearly there’s nothing like controversial about that. I don’t know why people jumped in her shit about it.

Kyle Getz 11:30
I know right? That was fun. Yeah, good work.

Mike Johnson 11:35
Great. Good work.

Mike Johnson 11:39
I mean, of course, she has is a known- I don’t I don’t even want to say the word TERF anymore. I was talking to somebody on Facebook about this and TERF I think is really easy to throw around now because it’s cute. TERF sounds cute. Right? It sounds like I think it sounds cute or like a like a laundry detergent. Maybe or like it. It she’s she a TERF doesn’t- I mean fucking cunt is what we should be saying. But anyway, people jumped in her shit because people with vaginas, menstruate and not everybody with a vagina is a female.

Kyle Getz 12:18
Also, you’re gonna- I mean also, not every, like, even if you are a woman with a vagina after a certain age you stop that or if you are a child, if you’re a girl you don’t- like, you don’t necessarily do it or people that I don’t know or, or born with reproductive issues or whatever. Like, it’s not even true if you ignore trans or non binary people. Like it’s just incorrect on all levels.

Mike Johnson 12:44
Yep, yep, yep, yep. Half an hour later, she went on to tweet quote, If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth. And

Kyle Getz 13:05
Did she’s just I have a black friend with with trans people. did she say I’ve- I love trans people. I have a trans friend.

Mike Johnson 13:12
Oh, I like i think i think she said I know and love trans people but they’re not real.

Kyle Getz 13:18
I know that’s weird.

Mike Johnson 13:24
Yeah, I just anyway. Monroe Bergdorf @MonroeBergdorf tweeted at JK Rowling these times are hard enough without you a wealthy white woman tweeting transphobia from your mansion. Trans people really don’t need your bullshit right now. do us all a favor and give it a rest. To say that you’re a disappointment is an understatement.

Kyle Getz 13:46
Yeah. Someone else say not now. JK.

Mike Johnson 13:50
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 13:51
it’s like, just just everyone like just stop for you know, let’s just there’s a lot. There’s a lot There’s just a lot and just stop.

Mike Johnson 14:02
Yep,

Kyle Getz 14:03
that’s really what I want to tell you.

Mike Johnson 14:04
Yeah, Monroe Bergdorf, the same the same person said, quote to choose pride month to come out with yet more transphobia in a time when people are coming together to call out bigotry is an indicator of how you only care about liberation for people like you read the room JK. And then I saw I didn’t I didn’t save it, unfortunately. But there was there was a post I think it was on Facebook of somebody saying, you know, it’s really amazing that the Harry Potter universe is so wonderful and the books are so great and that there is just was no author

Kyle Getz 14:41
that no one knows who wrote them. Okay, as we’re retelling our favorite tweets because this is I enjoy this too. I forgot one of my favorite ones about the lady g thing was someone posted. If you or anyone you know is a sex worker and You know was paid by Lady G. please reach out to me I’m not a journalist or reporter I just loooove gossip. I thought that was the funniest shit.

Mike Johnson 15:11
Yeah, let me know so i can hire you and I can give you a really good tip because girl you earned that. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 15:17
Oh my god. Yeah, exactly.

Mike Johnson 15:20
That’s the news. But before we move out of the news, I had this idea that I didn’t run by so here we go.

Kyle Getz 15:25
Let’s do it.

Mike Johnson 15:26
I think every week in June for pride month I would like to highlight a queer black person from history to sort of honor Black Lives Matter and the fact that it is pride. This week,

Kyle Getz 15:37
No hate it, don’t do it.

Mike Johnson 15:42
this this week, I wanted to talk about Ruth Ellis who is a LGBT activist. And and she she has quite the story so she was born July 23 1899,

Kyle Getz 15:55
Holy shit

Mike Johnson 15:56
African American woman who became widely known as the oldest Surviving openly lesbian. At the age of 101.

Kyle Getz 16:04
Is she alive still?

Mike Johnson 16:05
No she’s dead. She died. She died in 2000 at the age of 101.

Kyle Getz 16:09
I mean, I knew lesbians were immortal, but I didn’t know they were that immortal.

Mike Johnson 16:13
Usually, they just get on a boat and ride into the sunset

Kyle Getz 16:18
Ride towards lesbian island where they all retire. And

Mike Johnson 16:23
Lesbos like Sappho, okay,

Kyle Getz 16:25
I couldn’t remember the name of that island, so I just called it lesbian island, but

Mike Johnson 16:30
I mean, that’s the that’s the translation. Yeah. You just you just, you’re just showing us your command of ancient Greek. So she came out as a lesbian in 1915.

Kyle Getz 16:50
Shit, that’s like before Columbus got here.

Mike Johnson 16:55
Yeah, yeah. According to her, she came out in 1960 With help from a psychology textbook, and but she did say that she never had to come out to her family, although they were rather accepting. So there was no like formal moment but that they just knew and it was fine. She graduated from Springfield High School in 1919. She’s from Springfield, Illinois. At a time when fewer than 7% of African Americans graduated from secondary school. And then in the 1920s, she met the only woman she ever lived with Sesaline “Babe” Franklin, and they moved together to Detroit in 1937. So it’s weird because they didn’t get married. So and I don’t see any sort of denotation for what their relationship was, but just that they, I mean, they were clearly fuckin so but but she the partner, Franklin, she died in 1973 from a heart attack on her way to work and Ruth Ellis died in her sleep in the early morning hours of October 5 2000. What I think is super interesting is that Elis and Franklin’s house was also known in the African American community as the quote unquote gay spot, is a central location for gay and lesbian parties served as a refuge for African American gay and lesbians. She would continue to support those who needed books, food or assistance with college tuition. throughout her life, Ellis was an advocate of the rights of gays and lesbians and of African Americans. Soon after her 70th birthday due to her fame within the community. Ellis would become a staple at the Michigan women’s Music Festival. On her 100th birthday she led and was sung Happy Birthday by the San Francisco dyke march of 1999.

Kyle Getz 18:44
Aww.

Mike Johnson 18:46
Although Elis and Franklin eventually separated they were together for more than 30 years. Okay, I just want to go back to the like, you came out in 1915.

Kyle Getz 18:53
That’s in sane

Mike Johnson 18:55
pre roaring 20s. Right. Like

Kyle Getz 18:57
Yeah,

Mike Johnson 18:58
I- fucking pioneer. Amazing.

Kyle Getz 19:01
Yeah, they like didn’t have a word for lesbian like she probably had to, like do so much explaining like No, no. In a sexual way, like, for good, good sex stuff. And they’re like you mean as roommates? No, no, no, no. Like, all the way deep inside.

Mike Johnson 19:16
Yeah. She’s my real good friend. But like real good

Kyle Getz 19:22
but so good.

Mike Johnson 19:25
That’s that’s that’s Ruth Ellis our our queer black person from history of the week.

Kyle Getz 19:30
Oh, thanks, Ruth.

Mike Johnson 19:32
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 19:34
Uh, do you wanna talk about fat.

Mike Johnson 19:36
No. Okay, cool. This has been Gayish. we’ve been avoiding this episode.

Kyle Getz 19:44
Yeah. Well, yeah. Cuz I asked you to, we were going to record it. And then I texted the day before and said I couldn’t. So

Mike Johnson 19:51
yep.

Kyle Getz 19:52
This is the second time we’re trying to do this and we’ll see.

Mike Johnson 19:56
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 19:58
Can I start with some gayta

Mike Johnson 20:00
Sure let’s do the gayta.

Kyle Getz 20:01
Okay. This is really interesting. I think

Mike Johnson 20:06
Gays are fat shamers and we all are gonna probably have depression because of it, or I don’t know.

Kyle Getz 20:15
Yeah, this has been the the Journal of psychology of Mike.

Mike Johnson 20:19
Yeah

Kyle Getz 20:19
published in right now

Mike Johnson 20:20
a sample size of one.

Kyle Getz 20:22
One but pretty accurate. No, this is it’s actually not about it’s more about how people feel about their bodies have men specifically feel about their bodies. This is psychology of men and masculinity by David A. Frederick and Jamal Esaley published in 2016. So they did a meta study, because a lot of studies show that gay people gay men, do have are more like judgmental, more unhappy with their bodies. But then recently there has been a study that question that That said, it might that might either that might not be true or that’s based on stereotypes of gay men. So this study wanted to figure out using a meta study. So trying to get, you know, use more data than anyone else has, what the truth is. a couple things that they set up just things that we already know based on other studies is that men both gay and straight, I don’t know sorry, bi people, you again, we mostly care about gay people. So both gay and straight men consider attractiveness to be more important in their partner than women.

Mike Johnson 21:40
Sure

Kyle Getz 21:41
And then also, women tend to be treated as sexual objects, I think that goes hand in hand tend to be treated as sexual objects so that therefore then they start to view themselves as sexual objects, which leads to what they call surveillance. So it is monitoring your appearance from the outside world. And they found the same thing with gay men. So that your because of how you are treated by society, you believe that about yourself, and then start worrying about how you are going to be viewed.

Mike Johnson 22:12
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 22:14
So let me tell you about what I found or what the data- what I found. Here’s what I found by reading one article, okay. confirmed that gay men reported lower body satisfaction than straight men. But the differences were small. So, to me we expect like, it is a giant, vast, gaping discrepancy between the two, but that’s not necessarily the case.

Mike Johnson 22:43
I love the word gaping.

Kyle Getz 22:44
I know, right. It’s so disgusting and hot. Okay. I don’t know what this means. But the D S is less than point 20. So if someone is a statistics person, they might know what that means.

Mike Johnson 22:57
standard deviation? I don’t think that standard deviation

Kyle Getz 23:00
Dick sucking? I don’t know, DS Nintendo DS. I don’t know. Um, yeah. So I mean, something that I take away from that is like people always assume it’s just gay men, but straight men also have issues with their bodies, as do bi men and queer men and all that other good stuff,

Mike Johnson 23:14
sure, yeah. Well, one thing about all of that, that sort of frustrates me, I guess, is that I don’t, it reinforces a stereotype that I have that I don’t know if it’s valid or not, but that men are visual, that men’s sexual brains are visual more than the female sexual brain. And I just that that is one possible influencer in this information.

Kyle Getz 23:43
Yeah, no, that or I think this information influences that like knowing physical attractiveness is more important that would lead to believe that men are more visual.

Mike Johnson 23:54
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 23:55
it’s interesting when gay men reported poor body image The exceptions where they they judge them based on or the ask them these questions, all these different things based on like muscle size and your BMI and all this other shit. The exceptions though, were your image of your face and your attractiveness rating so you’re asked to say like, what do you think about your face like good bad, and they asked how attractive do you think you are compared to other people? So those were the ones that were the exceptions we did not. I guess. We are not as judgmental of our own faces and overall attractiveness. Which I wonder if that’s I don’t know where we hate our bodies. So we’re down with our faces or is it because we take more care of our faces than straight dudes like,

Mike Johnson 24:39
I think I I think I’m super hot until I look in the mirror.

Kyle Getz 24:47
Do you need just a face mirror so that you can just be like this part of me so good?

Mike Johnson 24:51
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 24:53
Yeah, I actually identified with that as well. So gay men were more likely to report being okay with body modification meaning cosmetic surgery, they were far more likely to have had cosmetic surgery, which that that felt true to me like i or i could see gay men being more being more acceptable for them to get cosmetic surgery than a straight guy. So I can imagine more than doing it.

Mike Johnson 25:21
Would you ever would you ever get into surgery?

Kyle Getz 25:24
Growing up, I always said I wanted a nose job. But only if- nose jobs are so difficult compared to other shit like that can get super fucked up real quick, so I probably would never actually do it. I also though, only recently saw like a before and after this chick, getting the bags under eyes like taken out and made it look so much better. So that’s I just started thinking about that. And I think I would do that.

Mike Johnson 25:53
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 25:54
What about you?

Mike Johnson 25:57
I mean, my first knee jerk answer is no. Absolutely Not and I don’t know what that’s about.

Kyle Getz 26:02
Good for you. No, that’s great.

Mike Johnson 26:03
well, except then I was thinking what would I do if I was going to do anything? And I hate my teeth so much like just having them all yanked out and put new pretty ones in there. Like I think still counts as cosmetic surgery even though it’s dental.

Kyle Getz 26:16
Yeah, um, can’t you do like braces or what, what do you want to- you could get like whitening Shit, there’s like shit, you can do it that is not in surgical.

Mike Johnson 26:26
Well, that’s true. But nah

Kyle Getz 26:32
there is a part of me that’s like, okay, sure exercise and eat right. But what if someone just sucked all the fat out? That sounds much easier,

Mike Johnson 26:40
right? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Kyle Getz 26:43
Should we I should. I’ll just go ahead and let people know we both have Well, I’d say

Mike Johnson 26:48
you can say that

Kyle Getz 26:49
we both have fucked up body image things so we’re not gonna we’re not coming from a place of we are healthy and listen to us. So just gonna put that out as we talk about how easy it would be to get fat sucked out

Mike Johnson 27:00
Yeah, I mean, yeah, unless they’re new to the show, I’m sure they know how stupid we are.

Kyle Getz 27:06
If you’re new to the show, hi.

Mike Johnson 27:10
Hey,

Kyle Getz 27:10
Hey, girl. Um this is interesting sexual orientation did not result in no that’s how do I say this? I should just read it directly sexual orientation did not predict reported pressure from partners to lose weight. I would have thought there’d be more pressure in a gay couple especially if gay men are shitty to other gay men like that they would pressure their partner to lose weight because they’re you know, they get a little fat or whatever. So that was not the case. So cool. Either we’re, we’re good or we’re all equally terrible.

Mike Johnson 27:46
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 27:47
great. Um, the as far as body image and sex so this is I thought really interesting cuz I, I think about these things for myself, but having studied and have information on it so gay men were not more likely to avoid undressing during sex. So no matter how you feel about your body, if you’re gay, you’re still going to take your shirt and pants off.

Mike Johnson 28:12
Yeah, yeah. They’re saying that like in comparison to women, straight women who

Kyle Getz 28:18
to straight men.

Mike Johnson 28:20
Oh, to straight men, okay.

Kyle Getz 28:21
Yeah, yeah. All this is comparing. It’s about men and presumably cis, gay men and cis straight men.

Mike Johnson 28:26
I was just I was reading a study earlier. I didn’t I didn’t bring any of my study.

Mike Johnson 28:31
You were reading a study. That’s my thing Mike. Stop it!

Mike Johnson 28:36
I knew I knew this is what you would do.

Kyle Getz 28:39
Okay, well, I’m gonna tell you about the news.

Mike Johnson 28:41
Great, fantastic,

Kyle Getz 28:42
bad. That’s the news.

Mike Johnson 28:45
But I was really I was reading a study that said that, like the number of women who have sex with the lights off because of how they feel in their bodies is just crazy high and I sort of thought that gay men would be the same. So it’s interesting that They wouldn’t be or they they would track as bad about it as straight guys.

Kyle Getz 29:04
Have you ever left your shirt on during sex that feels like something you talk about Like, oh, I go swimming, like leaving your shirt on and make a joke about it. But have you ever lost your shirt on during sex? Like purposefully?

Mike Johnson 29:14
No.

Kyle Getz 29:16
Oh, good for you?

Mike Johnson 29:17
I don’t think so. I don’t think so.

Kyle Getz 29:20
Before. Before COVID when I was still hoooking up this like, jacked dude came over to like, do me real nice. And I like I didn’t take off my shirt. So it’s like you, you. I can’t I can. Like you’re so you have so many ripples and muscles and good things.

Mike Johnson 29:39
You’re very bumpy. And yeah, I don’t want to. I don’t want either of us to be distracted from that.

Kyle Getz 29:47
This is about all your crevices. And another thing, howmever, gay men were more likely to hide at least one body part during sex and they were more likely to avoid sex due to body dissatisfaction.

Mike Johnson 30:05
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 30:06
Do either of those.

Mike Johnson 30:09
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. This is the this is not the personal part of the show Kyle.

Kyle Getz 30:16
Oh, okay. We’re all we agree and we’re casual about it and everyone’s fine. Cool.

Mike Johnson 30:23
I find I find I find that that is probably at least half of when I say that I have a shitty online dating ability that when I say that my Grindr game sucks when I say my Scruff game sucks. I’m sure that that’s at least half of it is how I whether I feel like I deserve to have sex with people. I feel shitty about the way that I look.

Kyle Getz 30:46
Do you get is that like you get someone interested but then you don’t actually hook up because you’re worried about it?

Mike Johnson 30:54
No,

Kyle Getz 30:55
what is it

Mike Johnson 30:55
but, but I definitely don’t reach out to people that I find attractive because I think that way over my, like my league.

Kyle Getz 31:03
I do that too. And again like I’m I’m we’re both fucked up so I shouldn’t give you advice. Like there’s a certain level of like, if you’re

Mike Johnson 31:11
I’d say the blind leading the blind, but that’s probably offensive to blind people. I don’t know.

Kyle Getz 31:15
The dicks leading the dicks leading the dicks. I don’t know, like,

Mike Johnson 31:19
Blind Guy Gay let me know if that’s okay.

Kyle Getz 31:23
I if someone’s model hot like what I’m I’m not gonna I don’t know.

Mike Johnson 31:29
Yeah. Yeah,

Kyle Getz 31:30
I think there’s like yeah, that’s, that’s okay. That’s a shitty my instinct is like, be realistic but then that is very, like physical and surface level, but it’s also like Gruff and Scrindr

Mike Johnson 31:43
Yeah, yeah.

Kyle Getz 31:45
Like, I don’t know. It’s it is physical. You’re on there to look at. I don’t know. I I struggle with that. Okay, uh, last one. You can file this under the no fucking shit category. Gay men are more influenced than heterosexual men By Appearance ideals in the media.

Mike Johnson 32:03
Sure. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 32:06
I should have started with that because that’s a very lame one to end on.

Mike Johnson 32:10
No, it’s not that lame. I mean, I I think that if you if you buy into this idea that men’s sexual brains are more visual, then add a component that’s why that’s why straight guys feel bad about their bodies likely, right? But then add to that because they see a attractive or conventionally attractive men in the media and they think I want to be that or I need to be that because they can see it, then add the gay layer and it’s not just I want to be that but I also want to fuck that.

Kyle Getz 32:41
Mm hmm.

Mike Johnson 32:42
Right?

Kyle Getz 32:43
Also, um, I didn’t mention this earlier in the when they were just doing their kind of cursory review of what’s out there. There was one study that found that in advocate and out magazine, they had a higher rate of images of men with lower body fat and higher levels of masculi- muscularity. I was like they spelled masculine real wrong. No, that’s because it’s a different word. And more muscularity than publications to the general public, which, yeah, like so basically, there’s more muscley hotter guys in, in gay magazines, which also feeds into what you’re saying.

Mike Johnson 33:20
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 33:23
Whew. So that’s what, okay, we didn’t that’s the gayata we didn’t mention like, it’s interesting. It’s Pride Month. And this this topic for me, especially surfaces during pride like people you know it

Mike Johnson 33:39
sorry not everybody talks about their Pride bod.

Kyle Getz 33:41
yes, and like straight people be like, oh my summer body but like gays are like my pride body. And so yeah, it surfaces more all the floats and shit and all the gay bars that are packed with, you know, the six packs and everything, you know gives this even more an environment that can Make you feel shitty so it’s really interesting this year that pride is not happening in person. So I don’t know it’s just a different

Mike Johnson 34:09
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 34:11
we don’t we now don’t have the our bodies as what we use to flaunt during pride.

Mike Johnson 34:17
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I heard that like, isn’t isn’t pride Fest in Seattle hasn’t been just rescheduled that they’re looking at like,

Kyle Getz 34:26
oh,

Mike Johnson 34:26
October or something I might be make. I might be making that up. But just like taxes, that means you have more time you we all filed an extension.

Kyle Getz 34:37
Filed an extension for Pride.

Mike Johnson 34:39
Yeah. For our pride bod.

Kyle Getz 34:41
Yeah, yep.

Mike Johnson 34:42
So I wanted to talk about I don’t think the segment is very long, but I wanted to talk about the history of fat, the history of fat shaming and ideal body type and you know, back before Like the Industrial Revolution, more or less, people were just full on starving to death. Like, there’s like the whole, the whole island of Ireland in the potato famine and this just dying in the fields or whatever. Anyway, that was a weird thing to say. But basically like skeletal was the norm and people didn’t even have the fucking idea of what would be ideal. They’re just trying to survive, right? But then bring the industrial revolution around and there’s a lot more access to sources of calories, there’s a lot more access to money, there’s a lot more access to media in the form of newspapers, advertising, and then it emerges this idea of fat as being the ideal body type. And the the thinking goes, if you are fat, then you are well fed, which means you have money and you’re successful. And therefore you are sexually attractive. And it was especially prevalent with women that plump women were the ideal and you see that in the art of the time that that, you know ladies with larger Tatas were, you know idealized, more full figured they were, they were the ideal and and then without dwelling on it too much there’s a whole thing that happens in the 1920s with the flapper movement and but that was sort of a, an outside thing that didn’t really catch on in all of mainstream media. But that begins the first time when the idealized female figure is most radically out of step with what actually people look like.

Kyle Getz 36:50
Oh, so flappers fault.

Mike Johnson 36:54
Well, just like the 1920s by the time the roaring 20s came around this very slim, very Form fitted flapper dress with the feather hat that becomes the image of female perfection. And it is it is. It’s cultural, i and significant and prevalent and not what people look like.

Kyle Getz 37:16
Do you think Ruth was a flapper

Mike Johnson 37:20
Ruth Ellis?

Kyle Getz 37:21
Yeah. Do you think she got into the flapper life? Like are there lesbo flappers?

Mike Johnson 37:25
I don’t know,

Kyle Getz 37:26
A les flap as I call them.

Mike Johnson 37:28
Yeah, yeah, the very well known term. les flap?

Kyle Getz 37:31
I’m gonna say she was I’m gonna say she was also like one of the most prominent and won several dance competitions because that’s what I want to believe.

Mike Johnson 37:38
Okay, I’ll send you her Wikipedia article. And you can add that

Kyle Getz 37:41
Yeah, yeah. Cool.

Mike Johnson 37:42
You don’t really need to back it up. Just put it on there.

Kyle Getz 37:44
Yeah, well, I’ll add a link to a source. That is this podcast.

Mike Johnson 37:49
Yep, exactly. Exactly. So then, I wanted to we’ve talked before we talked on the AIDS episode about you know, the the rise of of the gym body as sort of a response to that in gay culture. And that’s worth exploring also, but I just wanna I just want to jump to the punch line, which is, if it was, if fat was because you were rich, and the ideal body type was actually about money. That’s still true Now. We have people, particularly African Americans that live in food deserts, where the only option that they have available to them are fast food restaurants that are calorically dense and very low in nutrition. And it contributes enormously to obesity. And meanwhile, you have rich white people that live in cities that have money for a gym, they have money for a trainer, they have money for organic food in abundant supply, that they can, you know, tailor their nutrition all of those things take money. And so like the the hot gym bunny image that we have is actually also about money just like it was back in the day.

Kyle Getz 38:55
And it’s interesting like the who’s I was now particularly think about who’s in power. So who’s controlling the narrative? And you know, if people with money, those are the same people that probably own the media companies and so they’re going to be attracted to and put on magazines and stuff, pictures of people they’re attracted to or people that look like the people they know. So it’s this kind of this feedback loop. If you have money, you’re hot. You like hot people, you put them on your magazine, you want to be hot. So you use your money for that like,

Mike Johnson 39:26
yeah, yeah.

Kyle Getz 39:28
Do you know about Barry’s bootcamp?

Mike Johnson 39:30
Yes. I have a fraternity brother who’s smoking ass hot. And he is an instructor there in LA.

Kyle Getz 39:36
Is he gay?

Mike Johnson 39:37
No. Well, yeah, he identifies a straight

Kyle Getz 39:41
okay. I can definitely see. We call him lady G. No, so I think that less about like, specifically berries, but it was only a couple years ago or a year ago or something, someone Like, oh yeah, Barry’s came to Seattle, and everyone’s got to get their picture in front of Barry’s for Instagram. And I was like, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But like, those are some of those moments where I feel totally out of the gay culture. Like, I feel just like on this outsider, like, I didn’t know what Barry’s was that it was a gay thing or that you had to get your Instagram selfie in front of it. Like I just had absolutely no idea.

Mike Johnson 40:22
Yeah. Yeah, thank goodness.

Kyle Getz 40:25
Well, I mean, but, but those are the things I feel shitty about. Those are the things I feel like I’m not part of the gay community then because I am not aware of some of those things.

Mike Johnson 40:34
Yeah, like, Is there some secret hashtag that you need to follow so that you get the get clued in to what all the hot twinks are doing? Yeah, no

Kyle Getz 40:43
hot twinks. Where are you? What do you let us into your world. Now that’d be a violation. They’d get kicked out. Um, the the Barry’s that they just put in is actually pretty Ajax to you.

Mike Johnson 40:59
Yeah. That’s true. It’s just a few blocks away. polari Word of the Week.

Kyle Getz 41:03
Oh yeah, I’m gonna wait. I thought for a second I tricked you. ajax is a word that means a nearby a-j-a-x.

Mike Johnson 41:12
It’s just like, Is it like adjacent?

Kyle Getz 41:15
Yeah, the guess is I said yeah, I don’t know. I just was like, sure I was about to make up. Yes. It’s shortened based on I don’t know, probably. Yeah. So So right now we are not Ajax each other but but Reynolds My dog is is Ajax to me and he’s stretching and he looks so cute.

Mike Johnson 41:36
awww

Kyle Getz 41:37
Okay, you can say stuff.

Mike Johnson 41:40
ajax the Polari Word of the Week.

Kyle Getz 41:41
Yeah. Yeah.

Mike Johnson 41:43
So, I’m going to start then with just a very simple sentence. That’s super hard to say,

Kyle Getz 41:50
Okay.

Mike Johnson 41:51
I am obese.

Kyle Getz 41:53
Based on who or what?

Mike Johnson 41:55
The medical definition of obesity is a body mass index or BMI of greater than 30. And my BMI right now is 30.4. I’m like right on the edge, but I am obese. morbidly obese is over 35. And I wanted to just like that, that is a heart crushing, difficult thing to say out loud. And but I need to say it out loud. I guess.

Kyle Getz 42:27
I hear you. I mean, but people also have called into question BMI as a measure of that.

Mike Johnson 42:33
Yep, exactly. Right. That’s exactly right. So, let’s talk about BMI as a measurement first. So BMI, which stands for body mass index, you find your BMI by dividing your weight in pounds by your height in inches squared and multiplying by 703. So I didn’t, I didn’t. Yeah, there’s there’s several calculators online that you can use to get your BMI if you want to test them to fuckin fuckin slit your own wrists afterwards.

Kyle Getz 43:12
You’ll lose Some blood weight.

Mike Johnson 43:13
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that will give you a number and anything under 18.5 you’re underweight 18.5 to 24.9 you are normal or healthy weight 25.0 to 29.9 you are overweight 30 and above you are obese 35 and above you are morbidly obese and I just I have such a hard time in this space Kyle because like first First of all, BMI is horseshit for fit people is horseshit for muscular people when I weighed 200 pounds and was about 11% body fat. My BMI was still well into the overweight range, despite the fact that I was crazy jacked. So they’re like, it does not work for Super fit people. And so then, but when you look at like medical studies and if you look at like super high level data for a society, it does work for enough of the population that you can start to draw distinctions about those people’s behavior and health and so it’s it’s one of those things that like you shouldn’t use it for yourself. Maybe but in aggregate, it is useful. And I’m getting lost now. I just got really upset and I’m like,

Kyle Getz 44:58
upset about what?

Mike Johnson 45:01
uh when I typed in the calculator today, all my information and it came back with a little bit over 30 and the calculator said you are obese. I immediately had this whole thought about like, well BMI doesn’t actually mean anything because if you’re jacked, it’s totally wrong and remember that time when you were jacked and it told you that you were overweight but you were clearly not overweight look at the pictures and then I think well, maybe maybe I muscular under this layer of fluffy and that’s why that is that the calculator is wrong that I’m actually you know, that I’m not as bad as this fucking calculator says that I am fuck you calculator. And then and then and then I come back and I think well, you know, I haven’t been working out and I feel bad about where I’m at. And like, I guess we’re the personal section. Now Kyle,

Kyle Getz 45:48
here we are

Mike Johnson 45:49
here we go.

Kyle Getz 45:50
Well, I think what it’s doing then right or wrong is that number’s validating what you already think it’s like you know, when you go out and seek sources that prove your point right Regardless of what they are like, this is one of those things. I don’t know if it’s totally right, but it might be. And also it’s giving me the information I already believe.

Mike Johnson 46:07
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 46:13
What’s the instead of talking body mass index, let’s talk about body Mike index. How do you feel about your body?

Mike Johnson 46:22
I mean, terrible.

Kyle Getz 46:23
Yeah. Okay.

Mike Johnson 46:24
Well, I feel terrible. Well, I mean, so the even okay. I, yeah. So I talked about jacked Mike pretty regularly and people are probably tired of it now.

Kyle Getz 46:37
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 46:38
Tired of him now.

Kyle Getz 46:39
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 46:39
And, yeah. And, but like, I can’t express strongly enough how I hated my body. And I would look in the mirror and I saw a fat person. And the fact that I was so fucking delusional In that is terrifying, because I tend to think of myself as a relatively objective person, emotionally stable for the most part. And that but I like, I just I thought I was fat unattractively fat. And, and, and I was I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong about that. And, and and I wish that I could say that I learned my lesson like I’m a lot happier now. But I don’t like what I see in the mirror. And there’s a part of me that says, Well, if I thought I was fat, then I’m definitely fat now. And

Kyle Getz 47:36
wait, wait. Okay, that’s not that- the takeaway should be you incorrectly assessed your own body. So there’s a chance you’re currently incorrectly assessing your own body.

Mike Johnson 47:49
Sure, sure. I don’t I don’t know. I don’t know how to make that true

Kyle Getz 47:55
feel true

Mike Johnson 47:55
I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to feel that definitely.

Kyle Getz 47:58
Oh, yeah. I agree. I agree.

Mike Johnson 48:01
And then like I, there’s there’s a, there’s a big old part of me that hasn’t even let it even a little bit process that like, Trevor left me because I got fat. And I’m single again and wondering if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone ever again. And if I just fucked it up and missed my chance and I’m gonna die alone, like it gets real dark real fast. And

Kyle Getz 48:35
when you say Trevor left you because you’re fat. What do you Why do you say that? Or why do you think that?

Mike Johnson 48:39
Because I did everything. I thought I thought I did everything that I could and there I still need a reason. Like, if I, if I if I know the reason that I have control over it somehow or like make it make sense and It’s one of the things that I it’s funny he never said so never. And when I would say things about myself, he would fight me on it. It’s very sweet. I never believed it.

Kyle Getz 49:15
Yeah, yeah. That’s a weird thing about like people trying to help or say stuff. It’s like yeah, it’s if if you have negative opinions about your body weight, other people saying something doesn’t change that.

Mike Johnson 49:28
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 49:33
That sucks. That’s a shitty thing to like, have to also deal on top of having to deal with your divorce and, you know, wanting to date again to like add that additional pressure to yourself or blame to yourself. When that is something you’re clearly creating or deciding not based on evidence.

Mike Johnson 49:52
Yeah. Yeah, well, and before I before I did this, you are obese calculator. I had this I had this thought that like, I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. And I thought, not that I like what I see. But that I see people that look like me all the time and I think they’re fine. Like it- And so why don’t I feel fine about me?

Kyle Getz 50:23
Do you have ideas yet?

Mike Johnson 50:26
I don’t know.

Kyle Getz 50:27
Okay. That’s good questions to know if you had guesses or theories or anything.

Mike Johnson 50:32
Cause shits fucked up and I’m fucked up to Yay.

Kyle Getz 50:35
Oh, okay. Well we got there. You don’t need therapy. Mike. You need to talk it through with me.

Mike Johnson 50:41
Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel better. And I’ve been doing keto. I think I’ve been losing some weight. I haven’t been tracking it. And maybe maybe this time, I’ll get somewhere and be happy. But I also think, like looking back at jacked Mike, who was clearly deeply unhappy that maybe I’m just gonna be unhappy forever, like, just learn how to live with being unhappy instead of trying to fix it.

Kyle Getz 51:11
Oh, whoa, whoa, okay. I mean, I get why you took that leap. But it’s interesting when you were like, oh, like I don’t know how to feel better about it, you immediately jump to Okay, well work out and lose weight instead of I’ve always had this feeling and this insecurity no matter how I look so like, I thought you’re gonna go towards like mental health things or are working on your beliefs or whatever.

Mike Johnson 51:39
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 51:40
Have you talked to your therapist or done anything mental health wise about your body image and feeling of okayness with yourself.

Mike Johnson 51:49
We have talked about it from time to time usually in the context of my latest divorce.

Kyle Getz 51:59
I mean, that’s To me seems like based on what you’re saying, Yeah, like, if you’re trying to lose weight to feel better, that’s you’ve been there, and it didn’t do it. So that’s not the solution.

Mike Johnson 52:12
Yeah, but I gotta get my pride bod so that I can get my next husband.

Kyle Getz 52:15
Cool. You have, oh, we filed an extension for that. So you have a little bit more time. Oh, cool. Okay, cool.

Mike Johnson 52:24
Great.

Kyle Getz 52:25
Um, yeah, I with my therapist, I don’t I don’t have one right now. But back when my most recent therapist I, we, we were doing this thing to like cognitive behavioral therapy, where I would bring in this belief or this thing that happened and analyze where my thoughts go. And basically, like, where along the way did you fuck up your thinking and how can we fix that? And one I brought in was that I am fat. And we walked through the exercise. And by the end of it, it’s supposed to like, Oh, I felt really bad. And now I feel a little bit better. I think that belief I had is now less True or I, you know, understand him or whatever. And after going through that exercise, I believed it even more than I did before. And, and then she was like, Oh, this is not like a thought that we need to work on reframing. This is a core belief you have. That is not going to be we need more than this worksheet to fix that. So yeah, I do have like, the core belief that I don’t look good that I’m fat that I need to I need to work on.

Mike Johnson 53:28
How How do you work on that? How do we work on that?

Kyle Getz 53:33
I mean, to me, it goes to Oh, I don’t know

Mike Johnson 53:38
heroin.

Kyle Getz 53:39
I shouldn’t but

Mike Johnson 53:40
we need we need to we need to start drugs, right. or

Kyle Getz 53:44
cocaine?

Mike Johnson 53:44
we need to? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. uppers. We need uppers.

Kyle Getz 53:49
Yeah, okay. Done. That’s the gay solution to this problem. I think. I mean, I don’t I don’t know but I have to believe it involves working On feelings of kinda like self validation and feelings of self confidence and worthwhile ness like that’s, that’s part of my entire shit. So I think work that I have been doing in the past would help with this. But I yeah, I’m sure there’s specific stuff you do for your weight and body that I don’t know. Hey, we have a friend who works on eating disorders and works as a counselor. We should talk to her about this.

Mike Johnson 54:27
Yeah, maybe. I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, she, she works on like, eating disorders as near as I can tell. I’m very good at eating.

Kyle Getz 54:36
Yeah. Okay. Just because you eat food does not mean you don’t have an eating disorder. There are lots of eating disorders that include eating.

Mike Johnson 54:43
I might. Yeah, maybe.

Kyle Getz 54:50
Do you think you have an eating disorder?

Mike Johnson 54:51
No. I think that I have had severe body dysmorphia.

Kyle Getz 54:56
Okay,

Mike Johnson 54:56
and I don’t think I have that now. I just think that my awful feelings about myself are true.

Kyle Getz 55:03
Okay. Did you just give us the definition of body dysmorphia?

Mike Johnson 55:13
Great.

Kyle Getz 55:14
I don’t have a problem. I’m just ugly like

Mike Johnson 55:22
Jesus Christ, Kyle. I, yeah, let’s, I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. Okay. So, in a little bit, we’re gonna talk about Todd Masterson, the gay fat friend, and we’ll give him a proper introduction in just a second. And the whole thing of like, Here I am, here’s my body. Here I am in a speedo, and I’m a large person. Part of me thinks, you know, I wish I could be that, right? Like, I wish I could give zero fucks and just be like, as nude as I wanted to be at any given point in time. And there’s part of me that doesn’t, there’s part of me that doesn’t want To be okay with this where I’m at that doesn’t or clearly already is not okay with where I’m at much less heavier. And that I don’t I don’t want to be comfortable. I don’t and I don’t know how to be.

Kyle Getz 56:16
Wait, tell me more about that you started- Why? Why don’t you want to feel better about where you’re at?

Mike Johnson 56:24
Because where I’m at is bad. because because where I’m at is unhealthy. Conventionally unattractive. well, okay those those two things and I don’t want to be proud of this. I don’t want to be happy where I’m at and confident in my body because I hate it. Like that seems like the opposite of progress to a big chunk of me and

Kyle Getz 56:57
haha big chunk

Mike Johnson 57:01
Good job. I’m trying I’m trying to talk about me and not talk about other people but you can’t not by like extension. Right?

Kyle Getz 57:10
You mean like it because you’re comparing yourself to other people Right?

Mike Johnson 57:13
ultimately it comes down to that I think yeah.

Kyle Getz 57:17
I mean, to me it’s like what is going to help you? Yeah, it’s interesting you say you’re happier but still feel bad about like that about your body because like, overall you think like life goal be happier. So if you’re happier you that would translate into some form of feeling better about your body, but it’s, yeah, yeah, it’s it’s Wow, I didn’t think about this to me. It’s

Mike Johnson 57:40
so jacked. Mike was exhausted and hated himself all the time. Yeah, now I’ve just given up and that,

Kyle Getz 57:48
oh boy,

Mike Johnson 57:49
that feels better. That feels better than being hypercritical, tired, exhausted, mean to myself. At at such a constant And high volume. This is better I am happier. Now not fastidiously, worrying and wasting all of my food and like keeping huge journals and going to the gym every single day, and running 20 miles a week. And like, I am way happier in so many areas. My feelings about my own body not haven’t quite improved as much.

Kyle Getz 58:29
Yeah, to me, I, as you were talking only, like, kind of made a connection between self harm like I, when I do that, it makes me feel better. And it’s not the right way to do it, but it does. So like what you’re saying is I’m going to use this shitty feeling and treating myself badly as the motivator to get more what I consider attractive or lose weight or whatever. That’s- Sure, it may help you lose weight, but it’s gonna it’s not going to help solve the root issues of feeling shitty.

Mike Johnson 59:05
You’re, yeah,

Kyle Getz 59:07
I think about this. Not it’s the point is not to say I am currently healthy, and I do not need to do anything to change. to me And obviously this is all way easier to say than do. I would like to be happy with myself, and also still work on improving myself where I want to. So I want to be comfortable in my skin and happy and content. But that doesn’t mean I want to be complacent. I want there are lots of things I want to keep doing better. I want to keep reading more books, so I’m more knowledgeable, I want to keep writing. There are things I want to do more, but that doesn’t mean I’m like, I’m still a relatively intelligent person. I still write some like finding a balance between being happy and being comfortable with yourself is different than being complacent

Mike Johnson 59:54
I’ll buy that

Kyle Getz 59:55
Cool, cool, cool.

Mike Johnson 59:57
You fixed me

Kyle Getz 59:57
Yeah, you’re welcome. It’ll be $100

Mike Johnson 1:00:01
Yeah. Oh, you’re cheap.

Kyle Getz 1:00:03
Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Especially after Corona. Girl price is going down. Oh, no. Supply supplies gonna go. so high up I’ll have to reduce my prices anyway that we’re not talking about my sluttiness

Mike Johnson 1:00:20
aren’t we though,

Kyle Getz 1:00:21
aren’t we though?

Mike Johnson 1:00:27
Do you have more to talk about You said you had personal stuff to talk about and then I just fucking like firehosed you so

Kyle Getz 1:00:33
yeah, should I talk about my personal stuff?

Mike Johnson 1:00:36
Yeah, that’s a yes. Yeah.

Kyle Getz 1:00:38
Okay. Um, I I have definitely had body image issues like, part of me wants to connect it to the gay community, but it’s really not. I remember being a kid like, I must have been in like elementary school or junior high and I remember telling my dad or my mom that I thought I was fat like an age, that is too young to, like, be fat or not like an age that like that. It’s just it was so young in retrospect that it is something that was very beginning that that I had issues with.

Mike Johnson 1:01:14
Yeah.

Kyle Getz 1:01:16
And I do I do the same thing where I don’t ever like my body I have never, and I’ll go on these things where like, you know, after college, I’ll gain some weight and be like, Oh, I wish I would have you know, I wish I would have appreciated it. When I had the body that I did in college. I didn’t like my body in college, and then I’ll gain more weight and be like, Oh, why didn’t I appreciate the body I had when I first got out of college. Like, it doesn’t matter when I am I especially like, I’ve definitely gained weight as I’ve gotten older. And every time I’m like, I wish I appreciated where I was. And yeah, and hate where I am now. And it was maybe a year ago that I was the biggest that I’d ever been And I’ve lost weight since then. But yeah, like, you know, this is a time in my life where I’m bigger than I’ve ever been before. And I hate it.

Mike Johnson 1:02:09
Mm hmm. You also, you’ve talked about this, I think I agree with your self assessment that you hide it well, that your body type and shape is, like you notice well before other people do and it’s because the like, the your, your your structure is such that

Kyle Getz 1:02:31
I took a like a something where they like actually scan your body like an actual legit thing. And they’re like, oh, cool, like your body, your when you get fat or your fat is evenly distributed throughout your body. So yeah, that’s a helpful thing. So when I gained weight, it doesn’t just show up in one place, which is also really frustrating then I think there are people that are good intentioned with it, and they they tell me that I’m not fat or I’ve can’t tell but I’ve gained weight and it’s also like, well, it’s my body type. You can’t see it, but it’s true. You know, it’s, it’s, I don’t know. In fact, if anyone saying a nice thing about my body, I don’t know, it doesn’t feel good, I don’t like it. And I’d like in addition to my like my body and how it’s made, I thought this is what you meant. Like, I didn’t realize this was a sign of body image issues until later. I physically put stuff in front of my stomach. Like when I’m sitting down, I will always grab a pillow and put it in front of me or a blanket. And even when I’m home alone, I will I always wear a T shirt. And yeah, when I sit down, I will put a pillow in front of my stomach, and I never really, I mean, I knew kind of why I did it. But like that is one of those things that indicates you have issues with your body. Because I never especially when you’re sitting down it kind of like your gut, pokes out even more and I always want to have something in front of me so no one can see it.

Mike Johnson 1:03:52
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 1:03:53
I was in my first like big relationship with Jay Z where I I told him that he was not allowed to touch my stomach. Um, and he was like, but I want to so I, and then it’s like, so that was the first time I got used to like letting someone actually touch my stomach and it took a while it was not right away, but eventually, you know, I got there and liked it, but that was that was huge that was really uncomfortable. And it was also the first time that someone said to me, I like your body type. And I think the first time that I started to realize maybe there are people that like the way I look as it is not, you know, oh, cuz he also has a good personality or whatever, you know it like actually would pick my body type. And I still don’t doesn’t matter. I don’t I don’t like it. But that was the first time someone said that to me directly. So that was really interesting.

Mike Johnson 1:04:55
Could you let that in. Could you believe that?

Kyle Getz 1:05:01
I don’t think he had- I think he was telling the truth. I don’t know what his incentive would be in lying to me except maybe he’s just feeling making me feel better now I think he was telling the truth doesn’t mean I like my body.

Mike Johnson 1:05:17
Yeah, sure.

Kyle Getz 1:05:19
Also, I know that like when you fall in love with someone like regardless like a lot of their things you grow to love you know, like it’s it’s not necessarily because you actually like it. It’s because like, well, this is my person. I love you flaws and all so part of me just thinks it’s, he loved me and that was part of me.

Mike Johnson 1:05:34
Yeah. Yeah. I think so for my sensibilities. I feel really, really bad for you like it like it’s, it’s, it’s tragic. to, to have to be so in your head about it that you don’t like to be touched. Like that. That seems like like next level. To me to be like even in an intimate setting with a person that you are in a relationship with, to not want to be touched by them. That’s such a important visceral thing that humans do that like it like that. That seems real deep and real I don’t know fucked up I guess I don’t know how to say it

Kyle Getz 1:06:24
you’re trying to think of the right way to say it and you chose fucked up.

Mike Johnson 1:06:26
Yeah, exactly.

Kyle Getz 1:06:29
No, you’re right i mean i Yeah, it was really hard to get over I mean, even now like I don’t it’s not that I don’t like people touching my stomach but I like it’s one of those almost like aversion things if you start to do it some then you get a little bit more used to it. But yeah, it’s still I still really dislike the way I look. I’m particularly specifically my stomach like that’s a part of my, I mean, there’s a lot about me that I don’t like but specifically my weight is definitely a big thing. I This was big for me only this year did I even tell anyone how much I weighed. I’d never said that I told Agasthya that because we’re both working on weight but like that’s I just don’t that’s almost like the no dick pics kind of thing. Oh, this is the reason I don’t send like nude pics like- pics. I’m a cool teen. Like I don’t I don’t want anyone to see my body and that would probably ruin my chances of hooking up with someone if I sent a shirtless picture so I don’t I’ve sent the only like naked picture I have is in the mirror like the back like you can see the back and my butt because like that’s what I want that’s what I’m trying to lure people in with. So I will not in addition to not ever sending a dick pic I never send a like shirtless picture.

Mike Johnson 1:07:48
Yeah,

Kyle Getz 1:07:49
I it was only recently like realizing that I also was like really fucked up in my food. And I didn’t One of the times, only, like a year ago when I was in my last relationship, I would. This is stuff I did alone. But when you start to live with someone, then you start to notice some of your weird habits or things like so we bought food. We’re hanging out eating. And he went outside to smoke. And so I opened up the family size bag of m&ms and ate all of them while he was gone, because, and I didn’t. I mean, I kind of did do that on purpose. Like, like, knew I didn’t want him to see that I wanted to wait for him to leave. But I don’t know. I didn’t totally, I didn’t totally connect that thing as like a food kind of disorder, whatever, like, and then he came back and he was like, I wanted some of those. And in my mind, I was like these were never for you. These were so I could eat this bag for myself like and I couldn’t have you here for that to happen. So I had to wait for you to leave so I could do that. And that’s something that I cannot keep certain foods in my place because I know I will just eat all of them like if I have kind of you know like breakfast bars like those kind of granola kind of bars

Mike Johnson 1:09:10
sure

Kyle Getz 1:09:10
can’t have those because those are good enough I might eat the entire box of them at once I have to buy like the shredded cheese that I buy I once bought the Tillamuck? is that the Seattle one

Mike Johnson 1:09:22
Tillamuck’s from Oregon but

Kyle Getz 1:09:23
oh yeah, okay um, I bought that so like nice shredded cheese and it was good enough that I ate the entire bag of it so I had to start like go back to buying the like store brand because it’s not good enough that I would just eat it by itself. You know, I every now and then I’ll buy a thing of cookie dough and eat all that like I just have really messed up food habits. And that’s something I have been trying to like work on calorie intake. I don’t know how healthfully I’m doing that right now but I’ve been losing weight recently which is great. I weigh myself three or four times a day. And especially like, I’ll drink a bunch of water and then be like okay, how did that affect me? So I know like trying to figure out like what the real like number is and how things influence it and you know in the morning or at night cuz like in the morning is gonna be like you’re you’re more like you have less food in us so you’ll weigh a little bit less than and yeah I think about weight and how I look all the time.

Mike Johnson 1:10:31
Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Kyle Getz 1:10:33
that’s I hate summer because then you only have T shirts like when you get to put on like coats and stuff that covers shit up and I like that better.

Mike Johnson 1:10:42
So the scale that that’s that’s that’s not good like shit doesn’t change that fast. Like I like what you’re doing is not rational.

Kyle Getz 1:10:57
Well it changes like one to two pounds.

Mike Johnson 1:11:01
Okay, great. I mean, that’s a lot. Kyle, that’s a lot.

Kyle Getz 1:11:09
Yeah,

Mike Johnson 1:11:09
that’s that’s a lot.

Kyle Getz 1:11:11
Yeah.

Mike Johnson 1:11:15
I got the advice once from a book that I didn’t pay attention to, I guess anyway, like, there was this this part about like, choose your one day a week at the same time of that day, and weigh yourself one time.

Kyle Getz 1:11:33
I mean, there’s a long time that I didn’t have a scale and that’s actually I think one of the reasons that I gained a ton of weight is because I just didn’t want to know I did the opposite thing of just, I’m not going to look at it. I’m going to try to look at myself and Okay, feel a little bit heavier, but maybe I’m not. And so it was like, you know, recently kind of when I was at my biggest that I got a scale and it’s only been like, the past several months that I’ve been doing the like weighing myself all the time. I feel like it reminds me unlike going the other direction so now I if I keep looking at that number over and over it’s a reminder not not to eat as much like it’s a reminder of what I’m trying to get to and where I’m at

Mike Johnson 1:12:19
hmm sounds like we’re both a wreck that’s great

Kyle Getz 1:12:22
cool. In other words, nothing has changed

Mike Johnson 1:12:26
yeah yeah. Yeah, I don’t know.

Kyle Getz 1:12:30
I will say I don’t know about you. But when I say like shitty things about myself I tend to get like then messages from people trying to reassure me about stuff or help me feel better, which is very coming from a very kind place. I hope I do not want that. So I’m not saying this so that people validate me or say anything and so I don’t know people are gonna do what they’re gonna do, but that is not what I want or I’m looking for.

Mike Johnson 1:12:54
Send me dick pics.

Kyle Getz 1:12:55
That’s how you can help Mike

Mike Johnson 1:13:00
I Did not expect to get here. And so now I’m trying to recalibrate how we ended up here and what to do next. And I think that is to talk about Todd. A person who is clearly much healthier than I am at least mentally.

Kyle Getz 1:13:17
low bar but Sure,

Mike Johnson 1:13:18
yeah, yeah, for sure.

Kyle Getz 1:13:20
Yeah. I, uh,

Mike Johnson 1:13:22
you find him on Twitter,

Kyle Getz 1:13:23
on Instagram,

Mike Johnson 1:13:25
oh Instagram

Kyle Getz 1:13:26
@gayfatfriend, we probably say it in the interview. We talked to him a little bit ago. So we have the kind of pre recorded interview that we did with him. But yeah, he is the most amazing Instagram where he. well you’ll hear photoshopps himself into hot jacked Instagays photos and writes the funniest like captions about them like we’re all hanging out on the beach. Yay. Um, I think the first one of his that I saw it might have been Adam Ripon, in other hottie McBuffStuff. Yes, Gus Kentworthy. Cuss Gentworthy. Yes.

Mike Johnson 1:14:03
Kus Gentworthy.

Kyle Getz 1:14:04
Be like when photoshopped him into the like in the middle of their pool thing. So, yeah. Do you wanna play the interview?

Mike Johnson 1:14:12
Yeah, let’s play the interview.

Kyle Getz 1:14:14
He guys I’m Todd Masteron. he doesn’t sound like that.

Mike Johnson 1:14:18
Okay, hi, Todd Masterson, also known as gay fat friend, welcome to the show.

Todd Masterson 1:14:22
Hi. Thanks for having me.

Mike Johnson 1:14:24
So, we’ve been stalking you for a while now.

Kyle Getz 1:14:28
Like, I think since your Instagram got started.

Todd Masterson 1:14:31
Yeah. So like, I started in October.

Mike Johnson 1:14:34
Okay, it feels like you’ve been around longer than that in my heart.

Todd Masterson 1:14:38
Oh, thank you.

Kyle Getz 1:14:41
So for those who don’t know about your Instagram @gayfatfriend, can you tell us what it is?

Todd Masterson 1:14:47
Sure. Um, so what I do is I take thirst trap pictures that I find on Instagram of just like shirtless, ripped gay guys just having the time of their life around the world. And then I photoshop my shirtless body into those pictures like I was there to just you know show them what a good fun time we can all have no matter what your body looks like

Kyle Getz 1:15:11
you’re it’s not just the posts like that’s already on its own fucking hilarious but then the comments on it that you make as if you’re like we’re just eating pizza and hang it like those are so funny to me and I love so I love this so much what made you start this Instagram account?

Todd Masterson 1:15:31
Well so I live in West Hollywood which is like the one of the epicenters of these people. And I know a lot of them and I’ve seen a lot of them around forever. And I see like what kind of following they have. And after a while you kind of learn the algorithm of their posts and like what they what they talk about and how they talk and what they say and the hashtags they use and stuff like that. So I kind of saw this happening. And I realized that they never have a fat friend. They’ve never like there’s never a fat person around ever. And I noticed that years ago, you know, maybe like five years ago, there’s never a fat person in the picture. And when I see them at bars, and when I see them at parties and see them at restaurants, there’s never a fat person with them ever. It’s not that they it’s not that they don’t post pictures of their fat friends. They just don’t have fat friends. And I’m like, how is that possible? You know, how is everyone chiseled and perfect?

Mike Johnson 1:16:28
What kinds of feedback have you been getting? Is it largely positive? Do you have haters is a good mixture of it all.

Todd Masterson 1:16:34
So the only people that have ever hated it are the original guys I used from West Hollywood. I kind of started with this. He’s a therapist in West Hollywood. And he wants to be a YouTube star. And he’s kind of like well known around town. I’ve had friends that like went to him as a therapist, and they had like horror stories. And anyway, this guy, this guy is such a character. So he was like the quintessential Instagram thirst King, you know, so I was just like, I’m gonna use his pictures because they’re all so posed and silly. So he and his friends did not like get and don’t like me like they’ve never liked me they they think I’m a bully which is weird because all I’ve ever wanted to do is be their friend and like even in the post I never make fun of people and never mean I don’t call anyone stupid or anything like that.

Kyle Getz 1:17:25
Wait when you say they don’t like you What specifically have they done specific things to you?

Todd Masterson 1:17:31
They haven’t done anything to me. I mean, they have messaged me and they’re they’ve been like rude and asked me to remove their images and stuff like that. But we have a lot of friends in common. And having like doing this I’ve made a lot of friends. Like I’m actually friends with the guys in the pictures now like they want to be my friend and everyone loves it and they really excited about it. So I’ve actually made a lot of friends doing this. And a lot of them are friends with him and his friends and they have have told me they’re like, there’s like a text chain that a bunch of people are on that talk about me. Like whenever I post someone that they know, or something like that picture will go around and be like, Oh, so and so, you know, gay fat friends attacking you today. And I was like, they think I’m attacking them and I’m a bully, which is just so crazy. I think it’s because like, I’m not kidding. They’ve never been challenged in their lives really, especially as adults, like they’re just, you know, they’re beautiful and they’re rich, and they’re white, like, their lives are just so easy and perfect. And they’ve never been challenged. So like, when they get any kind of challenge. They think of it as like, an attack. Or like, they’re being bullied.

Kyle Getz 1:18:36
This reminds me of Christians.

Todd Masterson 1:18:38
Yeah, exactly.

Kyle Getz 1:18:43
When you like the pictures you post are yourself Like without a shirt on sometimes eating food, like you’re like putting yourself out there. as someone who’s like uncomfortable with their body That like the idea of doing that feels very very uncomfortable. And I can’t imagine doing that especially

Todd Masterson 1:19:03
Oh, yeah. I was practically never nude before this, like, I wouldn’t even like take my shirt off at the beach like I was I’ve been embarrassed by my body my whole life, but I’m going to be 40 in August and like, I don’t know, something just kind of changed. Like, I’ve been with my husband for eight years. We’re really great. We have a great relationship. I love my friends. I like my life. And I’m like, wait, why am I so embarrassed by my body? And at the end of the day, like, it’s, it’s an okay body. Like, I’m not. It’s not bad. I used to beat myself up about it all the time. But it is what it is, you know? So it’s like, and it’s funny, I can use it. I can use my body as a tool for jokes, or like, why am I not doing this? It’s like a goldmine. So, so yeah, I used to, like, hate my body and I still have bad days. You know, like, I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’m like, uh,

Mike Johnson 1:19:51
so I want to I want to ask you the the instagay phenomenon that you are targeting, for lack of a better word, with with your with your commentary here, do you think Do you think that for society that that the whole thing is good or bad and evil or just it sort of is what it is and it’s neutral value?

Todd Masterson 1:20:12
I mean, I don’t think it’s like evil. I don’t think these guys for the most part are bad people. I don’t think they’re dumb. I don’t think they’re doing it to hurt people. I think they are doing it to brag, I think like they’re like, look at my body look where I am. Because I know a lot of them are in huge amounts of debt. A lot of them are hungry all the time. A lot of them have you know, they live in bad apartments and stuff like it’s it’s a definitely a show. So they’re just trying to make themselves feel better, but I don’t think they’re hurting. Like I don’t think they’re specifically trying to hurt people by what they’re doing. I think they’re just trying to brag. And but I think that we’re all catching on to that. I think we know that now. You know, I feel like I definitely think people See, like an unattainable body image from these guys, that’s hard. That’s hard to deal with. But I think, especially now that we’re in a pandemic, and we’re realizing that like, life is short, and the internet is not what it used to be, and stuff like that, I think a lot of people are realizing like, Oh, I don’t really need to live that lifestyle, especially that gay lifestyle of like, traveling and working out and being rich and stuff. You know,

Kyle Getz 1:21:28
I think it’s interesting that you mentioned now those people want to be friends with you. And on the surface that’s like, Oh, that’s cool. Now they know you they know you’re funny. They’re friends, but part of it also seems like your commodity then is followers or humor or something. Like if they weren’t friends with you before and they’re friends with you now. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel

Todd Masterson 1:21:51
well. There’s definitely a lot of them that consider me like clout. So like, they want to be like they send me their pictures on time they want me to use their pictures, they want me. They want to be on my page. They want people to like, talk about them and share it and stuff like that, like there’s

Kyle Getz 1:22:08
well yeah because that promotes them

Todd Masterson 1:22:09
Yeah, there’s definitely those kind of guys and definitely, like, those people out there that I can tell are kind of using me and I and I’m friendly with those guys and I chat with them and stuff. But I know that they’re not like friends, but I’ve made like actual good friends with some of these guys, because I realized they’re like, I like they’re all introverts and they’re all shy and stuff. They’re like, I may take my shirt off, and post it on Instagram all the time. And I may be really hot and go to the gym or whatever. But I’m actually really shy and I don’t know how to talk to people. And so that’s what they say, you know, like, they’re really shy. They, they were like, if I saw you at a bar, I would be intimidated because you’re tall. I’m six, seven, like because you’re tall. You know, you have a big personality. You’re funny, like I would never talk to you in a bar because I’m intimidated by you not because you’re fat. You know? They’re like I’m shy. That’s why I don’t talk to you. So a lot of these guys are normanl sweet people just like us. You know, they just happen to show off this weird. I don’t know, body crazed lifestyle on Instagram because I think they think they have to do that. they think like, Oh, I’m a hot gay guy, I have to do this.

Kyle Getz 1:23:15
the therapist, dude. Well, what’s his name? Or do you want to say his name or not?

Todd Masterson 1:23:21
Oh, yeah, his name is Matt Dempsey. I don’t mind saying it

Kyle Getz 1:23:24
Okay, we messaged A while ago on Instagram about that, and you sent me his video. And I’m you clearly you know him better. So all I know about him is that that one video that I saw and the post of you with him. It’s interesting because I actually kind of liked what he was saying. No, I didn’t kind of I liked what he was saying that. He’s saying that he does have privilege for being attractive and he’s aware of it. So I feel like there’s something really good in what he’s saying. And of course, he gets called a douche because anyone does if they say I’m attractive, but I mean I kind of liked the message that he was putting out there. And you had a very different read on it. So talk to me about that,

Todd Masterson 1:24:06
well, his delivery is what I have a problem with. Like, I think acknowledging when you have a privilege of any kind over other people is I think it’s great to acknowledge it, but it’s how you deliver that acknowledgement. And his was just like, yeah, I’m really pretty. And you know, but like, sometimes my life is hard, because I’m so pretty. And it’s just like, that’s just a really weird thing to say, you know,

Kyle Getz 1:24:30
like, I thought he said the opposite. I thought he said, You know, people say that, oh, like, no one takes me seriously or think I’m stupid because I’m hot. And he’s like, no one actually, like, he’s kind of saying that I he doesn’t get that kind of backlash that people expect. Like

Todd Masterson 1:24:48
Yeah, I’m just saying that like how, I guess, like drinking his own kool aid of like, How pretty he is, you know, like he just kept saying like, you know how pretty he is. And acknowledging that and not. I felt like I wanted to apologize for it, but it’s just like, okay, just like stop talking about it. Like, this is weird that you keep saying how pretty you are, you know? Like, that’s, that was my problem. It’s just a weird delivery.

Kyle Getz 1:25:12
Yeah. Yeah.

Todd Masterson 1:25:13
I don’t know. It’s almost like when people say like, Oh, it’s just a preference. I feel like you are totally allowed to have preferences you are attracted to what you’re attracted to, you know, but like, you don’t have to say that out loud. You don’t ever have to type it in a profile. You don’t have to say like, oh, sorry, I only like white guys. You’re totally allowed to- your body your brain whatever is attracted to only white guy. It’s cool. You only want to date white guys. You don’t ever have to say it out loud. Why would you ever say that? Why would you tell people that you don’t need to do that. That doesn’t serve anything for the world or the community.

Mike Johnson 1:25:48
Yeah, like like you like you get hit on by so many non white guys. It’s a burden. So you’ve got it like, stop the people of color from flooding your inbox

Unknown Speaker 1:25:55
before anyone talks to you you have to say in like a profile. Please don’t Talk to me if you’re not white, so I kind of feel like the pretty thing is the same thing is that it’s like, we all have eyes, we can see that you’re beautiful. You don’t ever have to talk about it, you know? Yeah. Like Yeah. And, and honestly, it’s almost like the Jon Hamm character in 30 rock did you guys watch 30 rock., he was like, so beautiful and didn’t realize that everything in his life was easy, because he was beautiful. It’s like, Okay, cool. Maybe somebody like made fun of you or called You stupid on the internet. But in real life, when you’re walking down the street, you get so many things handed to you, just because you’re beautiful. Like, you’re gonna be fine. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to talk about it, you know. And that’s the thing I’ve noticed during this pandemic. I think, a reason why a lot of conventionally beautiful men are kind of melting down right now and like wanting the gyms to reopen and wanting to hike and needing to go to circuit parties and all this stuff is because we all only have the internet right now. We don’t have real life. to like get those kind of validations. So they’re not getting a free drink at a bar. They’re not, you know, getting a coupon at the store because the checkout girl thought they were hot like they’re not getting these things that they normally get these validations that they don’t even realize they’re getting but they’re like, I’m not getting free stuff at the mall anymore. I’m not getting people are buying me drinks at bars anymore. So all they have is the Internet and on the internet, everyone’s calling everyone out all the time. And they’re so they’re not getting that kind of like, you know, that delicious validation that they’re used to be hot in real life, because now they’re just a picture on the internet.

Kyle Getz 1:26:10
Yeah.

Todd Masterson 1:26:12
And so that’s, I think, why they’re all freaking out and wanting to get back because they’re not getting that like daily validation they get for just being hot in society.

Kyle Getz 1:27:42
I didn’t think about that. It makes sense though. yeah,

Mike Johnson 1:27:45
so what’s the what’s the number one thing you want people to take away from your work that you’re doing?

Todd Masterson 1:27:49
The number one thing is that I just, I think we’re all equal, like we need to just stop breaking off into little cliques and and By like, body type or by, like, you know, femme and masc and all that stuff. Like just, I grew up in a gay bar in Missouri, that was lesbians and drag queens, and trans people and bi people and, and gay men, and you know, like, everyone in the Midwest the gay bars just mix there there aren’t, especially in small towns, there’s not like a lesbian bar here and a trans bar here and, uh, you know, so like, everybody mixed and I just want the gay community to be mixed again, like, I just want it to be LGBTQ+, together again, not like, it is kind of now especially in West Hollywood. It’s like, Oh, this is the bar for hot gym guys. This is the bar for bears. This is the bar for daddies. This is the bar for twinks you know? I want everybody to be like, oh, we’re all one big gay family and let’s just have fun and be friends. Stop tearing each other apart.

Mike Johnson 1:28:51
Alright, well, Todd Masterson. If people want to look up more about you find out what you’re up to get in touch with you. Where should they go? What should they do?

Todd Masterson 1:28:58
Please find me on Instagram. I’m @gayfatfriend. You know, I always check my DMs I always reply to comments. So, yeah, you can definitely get ahold of me there. And then you know, I also have my regular Twitter and Instagram, which is just @ToddMasterson.

Kyle Getz 1:29:17
And then you are one of the top 30 over 30 pounds or

Todd Masterson 1:29:26
so this is the third year they’ve done it logo tv- logo TV. I cannot say this. My husband is giggling right now. I cannot say logo TV. I keep saying tovey logo tovee logo TV.

Mike Johnson 1:29:40
That’s their French affiliate, I think.

Todd Masterson 1:29:41
Yeah, logo tovee,

Mike Johnson 1:29:42
lo go tovee

Todd Masterson 1:29:43
logo TV. This is the third year they’re doing it’s called logo 30. And every day, in the month of June, they’re honoring a different like, quote unquote, gay icon. So um, yeah, I’m I’m being honored as one of their their pride month 30 this year, so that’ll be announced probably soon. So, this podcast will probably come out like while it’s happening, so, yeah, there’s, they’re, each day they devote the whole day to that person. So I’ll be like on the channel and then I’ll be on all their social medias and stuff like that so

Kyle Getz 1:30:18
awesome. That’s super cool. Yeah. Um, well, thanks for being on and thank you for your Instagram. It is a delight. When it shows up, I really appreciate it.

Todd Masterson 1:30:27
Thank you so much. And thank you guys for having me. This was super fun.

Kyle Getz 1:30:30
Yeah, definitely.

Mike Johnson 1:30:30
Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for being here.

Kyle Getz 1:30:33
Okay, we’re pretending like we’re just finished the interview.

Mike Johnson 1:30:36
Well, yeah, I guess. I guess we don’t have to actually pause for 20 minutes.

Kyle Getz 1:30:40
No. Yeah.

Mike Johnson 1:30:46
Fuck

Kyle Getz 1:30:48
yeah, I think we’re done.

Mike Johnson 1:30:50
All right. So should we take a break?

Kyle Getz 1:30:53
Let’s take a break.

Mike Johnson 1:30:54
Let’s take a break.

Kyle Getz 1:30:54
Break.

Mike Johnson 1:30:55
[break music, sung] This is the part where Mike and Kyle take a break.

Mike Johnson 1:31:01
Are we back?

Kyle Getz 1:31:02
We’re back.

Mike Johnson 1:31:03
We’re back.

Kyle Getz 1:31:04
We’re gonna do our gayest and straightest.

Mike Johnson 1:31:06
We’re gonna do our gayest and straightest but first Our website is gayishpodcast.com.

Kyle Getz 1:31:11
We are on so much of the social media Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, discord, most of them we’re @gayishpodcast.

Mike Johnson 1:31:20
Our hotline you can send us text messages leave us voicemails. It’s 5855 Gayish that’s 5855429474 standard rates apply

Kyle Getz 1:31:30
our email is gayishpodcast@gmail.com

Mike Johnson 1:31:35
Yep. And our physical mailing address if you want to send us keto friendly snacks is p o box 19882 p o box 19982 seattle washington 98109

Kyle Getz 1:31:44
gayest and straightest?

Mike Johnson 1:31:48
sure lets do our gayest and straightest,

Kyle Getz 1:31:49
um, we haven’t mentioned we’re gonna, we’re gonna get or we mentioned this last time but yeah, we’re getting back into like regular episode kind of lineup that doesn’t mean we’re not going to talk about About shit that’s going on Black Lives Matter, all that all that stuff but I also personally appreciate my podcasts that are still doing their podcasts like when I see that they don’t post an episode I get why but I’m like, ah, but I really wanted to like listen to this and enjoy it. So that’s our that’s our plan and that’s why um okay. My gayest iwhen I start typing to go to certain websites, websites or do certain searches. It’s nine times out of 10 whatever I’m starting with, there’s gonna be some gay porn that is like, you know, pops up first. So I was like, I want to refinance my mortgage. And so I started typing

Mike Johnson 1:32:42
what kind of porn Do you watch we’re refinancing comes up with porn,

Kyle Getz 1:32:48
girl. gimme those extra points.

Mike Johnson 1:32:53
My interest rate is so low.

Kyle Getz 1:32:55
Were at about 5% right now. No, I started typing m.o. and it was like monster cock. Like, whatever the thing that you know is matching to this anytime I type in, I started to type in gayish podcast g.a.y. Like, there’s obviously gonna be some homosexual website first. So that is my gayest. I’ve had a super gay week, like, just shit I’m wearing and I’m listening to like queer artists and I’m reading queer shit and I’m like, caring about people’s human rights. So my straightest thing is I don’t have a straightest thing straight People just get to do what they want and be okay with it. And no one judges them because they’re in charge of the world. So I’m gonna do that. And I’m gonna introduce a gayest and straightest paradox of my straightest thing is I don’t have one.

Mike Johnson 1:33:44
I I stan that All right,

Kyle Getz 1:33:46
thank you.

Mike Johnson 1:33:47
Great. Yeah,

Kyle Getz 1:33:48
I should drop my mic and walk away now, but we have to do the rest of the show so it would be a bad ass move but okay.

Mike Johnson 1:33:56
So the straightest thing about me this week is that I dropped my phone yet again. And it is just It is like it’s it’s cracked down here. it’s cracked up here. It’s cracked around here. selfie camera doesn’t work. There’s like scratches all over it just it is it is ghetto, and I just feel like it’s a straight guy thing to pack around a fucked up phone.

Kyle Getz 1:34:18
Luckily, it looks like the screen is still usable.

Mike Johnson 1:34:22
Yeah, mostly there’s one little part. There’s one little part that I there’s no screen there but I can still touch it in the upper

Kyle Getz 1:34:29
No screen there.

Mike Johnson 1:34:32
Yeah. So I’ll get around to getting a new one eventually. And then the gayest thing about me this week was was last night my roommate just through casual conversation found out that there is a send nudes channel on our Discord server. And he he goes, Wait, is that what you’re doing when you say you’re doing podcast stuff?

Kyle Getz 1:34:57
I mean, sometimes

Mike Johnson 1:35:00
I didn’t I didn’t deny it like damn right.

Kyle Getz 1:35:04
Hey, that’s part of our jobs

Mike Johnson 1:35:06
yes sexting listeners totally counts as podcast stuff

Kyle Getz 1:35:10
yeah one on one marketing. It’s word of mouth.

Mike Johnson 1:35:14
mouth to dick. Oh, listeners Gayest and Straightest.

Kyle Getz 1:35:20
Where’s this one coming from?

Mike Johnson 1:35:21
This one is coming from our Discord server. I you might have to cut the name because I asked him how to refer to him My gayest was definitely meeting my roommates younger gay brother for the first time and immediately talking about the latest Rupauls drag race episode. the straightest is that I’m suddenly the most masc person in my queer as fuck household and have been assigned to taking out the garbage and fixing appliances and such.

Kyle Getz 1:35:51
Okay, this is so true if you live with gays like everyone knows who the masc one is. and who The femme one is and like you Yeah. Oh my god. That’s hilarious.

Mike Johnson 1:36:02
Yep. That’s it.

Kyle Getz 1:36:05
That’s it. Happy Pride, everyone. It’s still that

Mike Johnson 1:36:10
A special thank you to Todd Masterson the gay fat friend for the interview we really appreciate having him on.

Kyle Getz 1:36:14
Yeah, go to his Instagram for sure. Check it out. It’s just so good. It’s good stuff.

Mike Johnson 1:36:19
And thanks to Ruth Ellis for inventing the the lesflap

Kyle Getz 1:36:26
for being the first lesbian ever.

Mike Johnson 1:36:31
Um, yeah, so that’s it. This has been gayish. I’m Mike Johnson.

Kyle Getz 1:36:34
I’m Kyle Getz Until next week, be Butch be fabulous be you. See you next week.

Mike Johnson 1:36:39
See you next week. Bye bye bye.

Kyle Getz 1:36:40
[singing NSync] Bye bye bye.

Unknown Speaker 1:36:40
[Outro music, no words]

Mike Johnson 1:36:56
It’s also okay to want people to be healthy and not die of coronary fart failure. Like

Kyle Getz 1:37:01
did you say fart failure?

Mike Johnson 1:37:03
maybe.

Gayish: 176 Gay White Privilege

You are not exempt from white privilege just because you’re gay.

Information for “Dear White People” artist: Mwende “FreeQuency” Katwiwa is a Kenyan, Immigrant, Queer Womxn storyteller.

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