Why are they called circuit parties? Where did they come from? Why do people attend? Mike and Kyle talk about whether there stereotypes of circuit parties are true.
In this episode: News- 1:41 || Main Topic (Circuit Parties)- 15:51 || Gayest & Straightest- 58:28
Come see us live in Houston! Visit www.gayishpodcast.com/live for tour dates, details and tickets. We can’t wait to see you!
On the Patreon bonus segment, we revisit Gays Over Covid to see if time has given us any new insight on their circuit parties. If you want to support our show while getting ad-free episodes a day early, go to www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast.
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
INTRO MUSIC [MIKE JOHNSON SINGING]
When you know that you are queer but your favorite drink is beer, that’s Gayish. You can bottom without stopping but you can’t stand going shopping, that’s Gayish. Oh, Gayish. You’re probably Gayish. Oh life’s just too short for narrow stereotypes. Oh, it’s Gayish. We’re all so Gayish. It’s Gayish with Mike and Kyle.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hello, everyone in the podcast universe. This is Gayish.
KYLE GETZ
The podcast that dunks it’s junk in funky spunk.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ooh, sometimes… if you’re lucky. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
If he’s cute.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, I’m Mike Johnson
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz.
MIKE JOHNSON
And we’re here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality. And, today… [Kyle imitates pulsing club music] at a gay bar… [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
I remember, that was… season one.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a deep cut.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. We’re gonna talk about circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re gonna talk about circuit parties. They’re like parties, in a circle.
KYLE GETZ
…But electrified.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Uh, but…
KYLE GETZ
But-
MIKE JOHNSON
But first.
KYLE GETZ
But first.
MIKE JOHNSON
[both sigh] Back in the Studio, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
What’s goin’ on, Mike? How you feelin’? How you doin’?
MIKE JOHNSON
Fine. This, like- This is- This is- We’ve been saying it all morning, doing the planning for the show, because we have our business meetings right before we record, that, like, I’m gonna be home a total of four days in October.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah?
MIKE JOHNSON
And, so, I’m just- I’m trying to enjoy this moment with you.
KYLE GETZ
Oh!
MIKE JOHNSON
…Because we’re gonna be virtual for the rest of the month. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, we’re gonna be virtual. I’m not trying to enjoy this moment with you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay then, let’s move on.
KYLE GETZ
I’m trying to get through it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] JK, I can be in this moment. What do I see? What do I feel? What do I hear?
MIKE JOHNSON
[singing Shania Twain’s “From This Moment On”] From this moment… [speaking] Is that on the list? Because now it has to be.
KYLE GETZ
Now it is.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright, uh, here’s the news.
[News segment intro plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
Shut your mouth hole it’s time for your ear holes, news, news, news.
KYLE GETZ
[Mike chuckles] Yeah, let’s get right to it and-
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t know, Kyle. Sometimes I feel bad when the news is, like, 90 seconds in.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, people who don’t like the news didn’t get very much show before they skipped it.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, we can do more show before. Hey, this is still the pre-news-!
MIKE JOHNSON
No. That ship has sailed, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
We already played the song.
KYLE GETZ
We already played the song. [Mike chuckles]Well, I decide that.
MIKE JOHNSON
…You did play the song though.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Just…
KYLE GETZ
I did.
MIKE JOHNSON
…FYI. Uh, news the first. So, a study came out- It’s not really a study though, is it? Because it was on SurveyMonkey. Anyway, there’s a survey of SurveyMonkey people that just came out that showed that, apparently, people in the United States are very, very torn about the question of whether teachers should be allowed to use a student’s chosen name and pronouns.
KYLE GETZ
Whoa.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. So, it was a collaboration between The 19th and SurveyMonkey, and they polled 20,000 adults, and 4 in 10 Americans believe teachers should be allowed to use a student’s chosen name that aligns with their current gender identity without informing the student’s parents, according to the survey’s findings. So, they’re conflating a few things and that’s why it’s, like, clearly not scientific, but only 40% of people said a teacher should be allowed to use a kid’s chosen name and pronouns without having to out them to their parents if it’s different than what’s on their birth certificate.
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
Which, that’s like- That seems like a whole bunch of steps. So, I feel less bad than the clickbaity thing of, like, “Only 4 in 10 Americans approve gender-affirming pronoun use.”
KYLE GETZ
Oh, okay. You think there’s a lot of conditions on that-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-that’s making it so-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Of course, younger adults are more on board. Adults aged 18-34 said- 49% of them backed that. Only 36% of adults aged 35-64. And then, surprisingly though, better than the 35-64 range, those 65 and over it was 40%.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
What’s up with my age demographic?
MIKE JOHNSON
And mine too.
KYLE GETZ
Huh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Explain yourselves, older millennials and Gen Xers. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Explain ourselves, us. Okay, if this was not about trans people, someone was using their middle name or someone just said to you “I’m a boy,” like, this would not be an issue.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
It’s so frustrating because no one’s gonna be like, “Oh, this- You’re going by your middle name, not your first name. I gotta go tell your parents to make sure you’re allowed to do that.” Like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
It doesn’t- It’s just because it’s trans issues.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Well, it is also the law in several places, which is just fucking infuriating and terrifying.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
In Arkansas, for instance, teachers require parental approval to use a student’s pronouns or name if it doesn’t align with their birth certificate.
KYLE GETZ
Are they checking birth certificates?
MIKE JOHNSON
Apparently so.
KYLE GETZ
They’re- The teacher does not have all the birth certificates on hand of all the kids.
MIKE JOHNSON
[fumbles words]
KYLE GETZ
Mike!
MIKE JOHNSON
I- Are you sure?
KYLE GETZ
They don’t- No, the teachers aren’t looking at birth certificates.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, sure, but the- Yeah, that’s true. You’re right. The school has them though, certainly… I would think. Some form of identification.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know. I don’t know how going to school works. I thought you just kinda push your kid in the door and say “Deal with it, loser! Have fun.”
MIKE JOHNSON
[laughs] Um, yeah. Dr. Angela Kade Goepferd of the Children’s Minnesota gender health program told The Advocate that there is a misconception that medical care for transgender young people involves secret conversations behind parents backs or kids who are seen and immediately prescribed puberty blockers and hormones. Extremists also claim that doctors are performing gender confirmation surgeries on children, when, in reality, none of those things are the case.
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, um, so it’s just created this weird, like, “Your school is trying to trans your kids behind your back. Be worried about that,” and then people get all, like, parental rights… ridiculous.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
People are so fuckin’ stupid when it comes to their children. Jesus Christ.
KYLE GETZ
You gotta earn your kids trust. If your kid isn’t telling you shit, that’s on you. That’s not on the school.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
You gotta- You need to get a better relationship with your child then.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, and, if you are a “No child of mine is going to be trans,” your kid’s probably going to kill themselves.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, like, that’s on you also.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, like, get your shit together.
KYLE GETZ
Get your shit together.
MIKE JOHNSON
It might save your kid’s life.
KYLE GETZ
Yep. [both sigh] In this moment with you, Mike. We’re in this moment, here in the studio.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God. Okay, uh, news the second. You ready for this?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Another new study that is reporting that the use of AI technologies in schools is…
KYLE GETZ
Gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
…posing a risk to LGBTQ students…
KYLE GETZ
Aw.
MIKE JOHNSON
…and could infringe on their rights.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, so this was released on Wednesday the 20th of September last week, and researchers found that tech used to block explicit adult content and flag students at risk of self-harm or harming others are putting already vulnerable students at risk, particularly those who are LGBTQ+, disabled, or students of color. So, basically, they’re using AI technology, in some places, in schools to determine if the browsing history of a person at the fuckin’ library indicates that they are potentially suicidal or, um, other risk factors.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
But that is overwhelmingly flagging students of color, disabled students, and queer students. And then, depending on the jurisdiction, causing them to be outed.
KYLE GETZ
Hm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Because then the school calls the parents and is like “Our AI internet babysitter says that Timmy is gay.”
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god.
MIKE JOHNSON
“What are we gonna do about it?”
KYLE GETZ
Can you imagine, like, you go to school because you’re probably not- you don’t want to search on it at home where someone may look at your laptop, so you go to school to try to search for things and try to get information, and even that’s not safe.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Where do you go if you can’t go to the library at school?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, absolutely.
KYLE GETZ
I guess you could just use your phone. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, the Center for Democracy and Technology polled 1029 students from 9th-12th grade, 1008 teen parents of 6th-12th grade students, and 1005 teachers of 6th-12th grade students, and found that almost 30% of queer students reported that either themselves or another student had been outed as queer.
KYLE GETZ
Wow, a third of students reported that? Damn.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, of queer students.
KYLE GETZ
Right, right, right.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. And, um-
KYLE GETZ
That’s a lot.
MIKE JOHNSON
And half of all queer students said that they or another people had been disciplined for doing something online, only compared to 39% of straight students.
KYLE GETZ
Mm.
MIKE JOHNSON
[sighs] 9 in 10 teachers said that they are using AI monitoring technology of some kind on school devices.
KYLE GETZ
Wow. I had no idea they were doing that.
MIKE JOHNSON
And 4 in 10 teachers also said their school monitors their students personal devices.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
This monitoring takes place both in and outside school hours, with 38% of teachers reporting that they monitor out of school time. …I- I don’t know how that’s possible, unless- I don’t know- I don’t know. Like, “You have to install this spyware on your phone because you’re my student”? I don’t know how any of that works, but that seems pretty fuckin’ stupid if you ask me.
KYLE GETZ
Bit of an overreach.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, a bit of an overreach. Anyway, it’s really scary and, uh, I think that there’s a lot of concern that is well founded that AI is going to do the wrong thing.
KYLE GETZ
Mhm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Large language models are trained on the internet, which is fucking racist, and homophobic, and ableist, and therefore LLMs are going to inherently be racist, [chuckles] homophobic, and ablest. And so, I don’t know. Like, it’s a real danger, right? Like, the world is built for white people and if AI – white, able-bodied Christian people – and if AI is catering to them at the expense of other groups, it’s just gonna perpetuate all of the shitty problems that we’ve already experienced in life, so…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. We need a gay version of the movie Her.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaaah.
KYLE GETZ
I guess it’d just be called “Him”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I’m pretty sure that it’s almost happening to me on Grindr already. You know, like-
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] You’re falling for some bots?
MIKE JOHNSON
There’s so many bots out there, and they’re getting better – like, not great, but better – at, like, seeming human.
KYLE GETZ
And they’re very handsome.
MIKE JOHNSON
They’re all- Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
They’re all in the military and need money.
MIKE JOHNSON
They- Yep, that’s true. [Kyle chuckles] And they all work in crypto. [both chuckle] Uh, anyway, sorry, kids. Just… I don’t know, hang in there? I don’t know what el- I have no- I have nothin’.
KYLE GETZ
You don’t have to- You just have to report the news, you don’t have to give them advice on how to deal with it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, that’s true. …News the third!
KYLE GETZ
Great.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, the state of California has signed – the governor has signed – four pieces of legislation that are aimed at strengthening protections and providing better support for queer youth in California.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, great.
MIKE JOHNSON
The measures include AB 5, which sets out implementation timelines for queer cultural competency training by public school teachers and staff…
KYLE GETZ
Ooh.
MIKE JOHNSON
…the establishment of an advisory task Force to identify queer pupil needs across the state, that’s SB 857… and AB 223 which requires any petition for a minor to change their sex markers to be kept confidential by the court.
KYLE GETZ
Oh! So, kinda oppositesies.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. As well as this: SB 407 directs the Department of Social Services to amend the foster care vetting process to make sure that queer youth in the foster system are not placed in anti-queer foster homes. Uh, this law will offer better protections for extremely vulnerable queer young people in the state. Gavin Newsom, who, like, is just kind of a daddy, really… [Kyle laughs] um, signed those bills right after he vetoed a piece of legislation that would make parents affirmation of their child’s gender a factor in child custody hearings.
KYLE GETZ
That seems like it could go both ways.
MIKE JOHNSON
It seems like it could go both ways.
KYLE GETZ
Depending on the judge or- Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. The governor said that he chose not to sign that bill because courts in the state are already required to consider a child’s health, safety, and welfare when determining the best interests of a child in these proceedings, and that includes a parent’s affirmation of their child’s gender.
KYLE GETZ
Mm. Oh, yeah, the affirmation of gender is part of health care for your trans kids, so you should be required to follow medical, like, guidelines or recommendations.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. I think that this kind of thing is gonna continue to get worse and worse. Like, us left coast states are going to continue to do the right thing, be on the right side of history, and I think that red states are gonna keep digging their heels in, using trans people as a wedge issue, and erode queer rights as much as they possibly can because that’s easier to spoon feed to your sheeple, I guess, than anything else.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. But I wonder if the- like, after the presidential election if it’s gonna die down a little bit. Like, I wonder if a lot of this is to get your name out there during the election.
MIKE JOHNSON
[sighs] Yeah. Possible… I’m not gonna hold my breath though.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. I- Yeah. [chuckles] There’s no reason to have hope.
MIKE JOHNSON
Because- Well, it also depends on who wins, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
If Biden wins, I think it gets worse.
KYLE GETZ
Mmm.
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t think they just go like “Oh, well, we lost!”
KYLE GETZ
“Oh, no.”
MIKE JOHNSON
…and stop, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’ll see. Anyway, thanks, California. I hope that your… legislation trends are- rub off on states like Nevada and Idaho that are pretty close to you and shitty.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, California, rub off on people near you. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, just… just cum all over their faces… with your legislation jizz. [both chuckle] That’s the news!
KYLE GETZ
Speaking of people I wanna rub off… [both chuckle]
MIKE JOHNSON
Have cum on your face.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks to the following Patreon members, who support us by going to patreon.com/gayishpodcast. Thank you to Troy- Oh, Troy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Just “Troy”?
KYLE GETZ
No. Nope. There’s another name here, and Troy knew [Mike chuckles] when Troy signed up that this was- …Schermerhowern.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Schermerhowern”?
KYLE GETZ
That’s “Schermerhorn”. I think that’s it.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Schermerhorn”?
KYLE GETZ
Schermerhorn.
MIKE JOHNSON
Can I see it?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, how would you say that, oh fancy pronunciation name guy?
MIKE JOHNSON
I would say “Schermerhorn”?
KYLE GETZ
Right? [Mike chuckles] This is the last time you double check my work, asshole. Um, Randy-
MIKE JOHNSON
We both know that’s not true.
KYLE GETZ
I know. Nor should it be. Uh, Randy Saldinger… [stuttering through last name]
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Great.
KYLE GETZ
Fuck. …Elijah Michaelshshsm… [Mike laughs] I’m falling apart. I don’t know how I’m gonna go on with this episode. Elijah Michael Schweikert? And… here, I’m gonna give you th- “Schweikert”?
MIKE JOHNSON
Schweikert.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah. And-
MIKE JOHNSON
Maybe “Schweikert”, [with a v sound for the w] but it’s probably-
KYLE GETZ
Schweikert. [with v sound]
MIKE JOHNSON
Schweikert. [with v sound]
KYLE GETZ
Um, and Huck the Rigger.
MIKE JOHNSON
Huck the Rigger.
KYLE GETZ
Uh, thank you to our Patreon members. If you want to support us by directly giving us money…
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm.
KYLE GETZ
…then get our Venmos. If you wanna indirectly give us money, go to patreon.com/gayishpodcast.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yep. And we’ll take it.
KYLE GETZ
And we’ll take it… good. So good. [Mike laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
You wanna talk about circuit parties?
KYLE GETZ
Let’s talk about circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
[to the tune of “Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa] Let’s talk about circuit parties.
KYLE GETZ
[also to the tune] Let’s talk about parties that circuit.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] So, this was a Patreon vote. I have been victorious again.
KYLE GETZ
Yes, you, as per usual, most months, you tend to win the Patreon vote.
MIKE JOHNSON
Which, when I wrote it down I didn’t realize how popular it was going to be. I really thought that maybe it was gonna be close. The three choices this month were circuit parties, employee resource groups, and the third one… film festivals. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Film festivals. I knew film festivals wasn’t gonna be it, but…
MIKE JOHNSON
Eh, yeah. It’s just, it’s interesting to me that, like, as boring and corporate as ERG sound, that, like, film festivals are worse. [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Um, yeah we’re going to do employee resource groups for our bonus, uh, Patreon, uh, episode.
MIKE JOHNSON
Episode this month, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So join Patreon for that. And, we have, like, 40-somethin’-odd other episodes, if you want to- if you’re caught up on Gayish and want more episodes to listen to.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Fucking Dan used to keep track of how many hours of Patreon content there was, and we stopped doing that.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, we didn’t do that. It’s probably a lot though.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s probably a lot.
KYLE GETZ
It’s at least… 45 hours of bonus episodes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Easy.
KYLE GETZ
Easy, yeah. Um, this was also a survey request. Circuit parties was also a survey request, so that’s where- It was on the idea list from that survey so, whoever sent this in in the survey, thanks so much for doing that. Um, now we have to talk about it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. So we’re gonna talk about it.
KYLE GETZ
So here we go. We’re talkin’ about it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Circuit parties.
KYLE GETZ
Circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, I’m a little bit worried…
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
…that, uh… I have a personal sort of, I guess negative, opinion of circuit parties, and I’m afraid of offending people that go to them, because they are very popular.
KYLE GETZ
They are super popular. And, like, hot popular people go to them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, like, these are the people-
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, they’re not listening to us anyway. It’s fine.
KYLE GETZ
That’s true, they’re listening to cooler podcasts like The Read.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Uh, I’m gonna talk to you about the history of circuit parties though.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
What do you know about the history circuit parties? Did you-
KYLE GETZ
Nothing.
MIKE JOHNSON
You didn’t read any of it?
KYLE GETZ
Nope. I avoided all data on it.
MIKE JOHNSON
If you had to guess, what decade would you think was the first one?
KYLE GETZ
‘70s.
MIKE JOHNSON
The 1970s! Good work, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
Yeaaah! Point for me.
MIKE JOHNSON
A point for Kyle. Ding. Um, we can’t afford a real bell.
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] We can’t afford a bell, so we do our own sound effects.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, yeah, so the roots of circuit parties were in what were called “disco parties” starting in the 1970s, and I can only imagine how many disco songs they must have played.
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god.
MIKE JOHNSON
They lasted only one night, and were held in larger venues in big cities, primarily in New York – that’s really where they got their start – but other metros also: San Francisco, Los Angeles, etc. And uh, but the first set of, like, theme-centered gay parties were started by this place called “The Saint” in the East Village in 1980. So, The Saint, they had a dome-covered dance floor, they had a dome suspended in midair over the dance floor with a planetarium mechanism that projected stars into the dome over the dance floor, and they did it every weekend starting in September. And then that got bigger and bigger as a thing. And so, it kind of reminds me a little bit of, like, Fetish Night at CC’s.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Like, once a month, you know, the first Saturday of the month, is gonna be gear night up there. And it’s just turned into a bigger and bigger thing. And they, like, rearrange the furniture, like, do- So that’s how circuit parties really got started, was, like, by having special themed nights like that.
KYLE GETZ
Hm. Hm!
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, let’s see… So, there was another circuit party that was started by a guy named Corbett Reynolds. He was in-
KYLE GETZ
[gasps] That’s my dog’s name.
MIKE JOHNSON
Awh.
KYLE GETZ
Awh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Is it “Corbett”?
KYLE GETZ
Corbett! [both chuckle] My dog, Corbett. No, Reynolds. That’s my dog’s name.
MIKE JOHNSON
Corbett. [Like “CORE-bit”] I bet his name is “Corbett”, but it’s spelled “Corbett”. [like “core-BET”]. Corbett. Corbett Reynolds.
KYLE GETZ
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
A Columbus, Ohio-based artist, nightclub owner in the late 70s… and he wanted to have, quote, “a one-night party-to-end-all-parties” and wanted it to be designed around the theme color of red and started calling it “the Red Party”, which-
KYLE GETZ
Oo, I’ve heard of this.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, a lot of circuit parties are just a color.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. [both chuckle]
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t really know why, but…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, the theme is just a color.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, um, now, the Red Party that you’re thinking of, where everybody wears the red dresses, Red Dress Party, is not this.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, I mean, it might be like the spiritual successor of this, but the Red Party died when Mr. Reynolds died. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Aw. [chuckles] Mike, you can’t laugh at that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright. [laughs] I mean, he’s dead. Whatever.
KYLE GETZ
What’s he gonna say about it?
MIKE JOHNSON
On the 25th anniversary of the Red Party, the theme of which was to have been Rome, Mr. Reynolds died, and the people in charge of his estate decided to retire the concept. So-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, it’s like “Hey, here’s this party. Do you wanna plan it now?” Like, no…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Absolutely not.
MIKE JOHNSON
Nope. But they are incredibly profitable, which I thought was really, really interesting.
KYLE GETZ
Really?
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, there are even cities that sort of have embraced the big circuit parties, like White Party in Palm Springs. They, for a long time, fought it, and then they elected a gay mayor and now, suddenly, they’re realizing, like, “Oh, there’s actually millions of dollars of revenue into the tourist industry here.”
KYLE GETZ
All it takes is a gay mayor to turn your city around. Everyone, elect gay mayors.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Elect gay mayors… they’re great.
KYLE GETZ
They’re great. They’ll- [chuckles] They’ll celebrate circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
Except, ours wasn’t so great.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
As you might recall.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Okay, so, circuit parties went through a sort of a transformation, understandably, when AIDS started rearing its ugly head on our community. The parties sort of pivoted to becoming, like, benefit parties, like “We’re gonna raise money for this thing that’s happening.” Um, but then, also, just being a period of fear, there was a lot of judgment and stigma associated with sex, and queer promiscuity, drug use. All of this sort of, I guess, tainted the image of what was just, like, a “get together and dance” kind of a vibe.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um…let’s see… In the early 90s… so, HIV/AIDS, we learned a lot more about how it’s transmitted and we learned about treatment options, and we didn’t have PrEP yet but things were getting better in that space. Uh, that’s really when the modern day circuit party got started, and they just started getting bigger and bigger like trying to outdo each other. So promoters would turn events from one party into, like, a series of parties at various venues nearby so that you would have like a three day or longer party.
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, that sounds exhausting.
MIKE JOHNSON
I know it sounds exhausting, and I’ve heard more than once that, like, that’s why [chuckles] Tina is so popular at circuit parties, because you gotta be on somethin’ to make it through all this shit. [Kyle chuckles] Um, in the 90s, the circuit party scene was – this is from the New York Times – was fueled by ecstasy, much as the rest of the club scene was. Now it’s GHB and methamphetamine, better known as crystal meth or Tina. Not only does crystal meth give revelers the stamina to stay up for three days without a nap, it can also enable marathon and often unprotected sex sessions. And in fact, a lot of gay men’s health organizations have stopped sponsoring circuit parties because they fear that it looks like they’re endorsing drug use.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
So the, like, association between “Circuit party = drugs,” is very firmly, like, ensconced.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if that’s a good venue to promote safe sex, or… I wonder if those were venues to promote information about AIDS and prevention and all that. Like, that would be a good time and place to educate people on it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. They certainly- They certainly could be. There’s, um… I’ll get to that-
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
-in just a second. While I’m thinking about it, the reason they’re called “circuit parties” is, um-
KYLE GETZ
Oooh.
MIKE JOHNSON
-that it is like a circuit at a gym. So…
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] That’s what’s gayer than the circuit party, the fact that it’s based on a gym term.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. The New York Times said that, uh, let’s see… Although the parties were initially run by nightclubs or nonprofit health organizations, professional promoters saw an opportunity to turn them into money making all weekend events. Gay men began referring to the far-flung events as “the circuit” after circuit training routines at the gym. One example was you do a pool party from noon to 5, a tea dance from 5 to 9, a main event from 9 to 4am, and after hours party from 4am until noon, and that’s when the next pool party starts. So, [chuckles] that’s-
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god. [Mike chuckles] I’m like, “Do I have the energy to go play games with my friends tonight?”
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
“For several hours in a row?”
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Right.
KYLE GETZ
Much less- Of course it’s named after gym, because, like, it’s the gym gays that go to these kinds of things.
MIKE JOHNSON
Absolutely. That’s one of the big stereotypes and criticisms of circuit parties. So, there was actually a big… the Wikipedia article says a “peak and decline in popularity” in the 2000s. And the total number of events got big and then started to decline. And the New York Times, again, was trying to figure out why, and they determined that, at least in part, it had to do with competition, that all of these places were starting to try to outdo each other as much as possible. And so, instead of having these, like, concentrations, it really spread out. The market got saturated, basically.
KYLE GETZ
Mhm. And they cannibalized each other.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. But uh, the decline in attendance was attributed to several factors: the original circuit audience that began attending circuit parties in the 80s and 90s had grown older and no longer had such an active interest in multiday partying; the experience of AIDS changed in the context of the availability of more effective treatments; and, in addition, all gay cruises, which attract upwards of 1500 passengers at a time, have had a dramatic impact on the attendance at circuit parties.
KYLE GETZ
Huh.
MIKE JOHNSON
And um, but- So, since 2010 though, apparently circuit parties have had somewhat of a resurgence. And one of the thoughts about that is actually PrEP has made these big, drug and sex-fueled parties safer and more attractive. There also is a bunch of work that’s being done to, as you were saying, handout condoms, handout information, make people aware of safe sex practices. And there are several of these bigger circuit parties that have started to do that in an effort to sort of clean up the image of circuit parties. Anyway, yeah. So that’s sort of the history and where we’re at. There are now a bunch of circuit parties that have been going on for 30 years.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
And some of the some of the, um- Some of the criticisms, some of the controversies surrounding it, are first- Well, you can probably guess what they are. What do you think they are?
KYLE GETZ
Um, that it’s just hot White dudes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hot White dudes. Bing! There’s our cheap bell. [Kyle chuckles] Um, yeah, “hot White dudes” is definitely a thing. So, while open to anyone, the parties are generally viewed as social events primarily for physically fit and masculine-identified White gay men. What else?
KYLE GETZ
Um, I mean, you mentioned drugs a bunch, that they…
MIKE JOHNSON
Drugs. Drug use is- Yep, that’s a huge criticism. And the data shows us that- that there’s a lot of drugs happening.
KYLE GETZ
I have some data on this, so…
MIKE JOHNSON
Excellent. Uh, what else? What do you think?
KYLE GETZ
Um, that, uh- Unsafe sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Unsafe sex is a big one, and absolutely true. Uh, and the last one, and the one that I hadn’t really considered until doing this, is that they’re expensive.
KYLE GETZ
Ohh.
MIKE JOHNSON
One of the reasons that keeps it White is because- the price. There are a lot of circuit parties that are upwards of $400, and that doesn’t include travel or lodging.
KYLE GETZ
Damn.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s just to go to the party.
KYLE GETZ
It’s just the ticket?
MIKE JOHNSON
And then you gotta buy your booze and/or drugs at, like- And just that it is prohibitively expensive for people that aren’t affluent, and most affluence in the queer community is White gay men.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, anyway, yeah, that’s what I got… so far, anyway. Do you have data?
KYLE GETZ
I have some gayta that I’m gonna share with you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Gayta gayta gayta gayta gayta.
KYLE GETZ
The classic gayta song.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You know it. You love it. Gayta gayta gayta gaaayta. Um… this is a study-
MIKE JOHNSON
Gayta! [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Gayta! This is “The Circuit Party Men’s Health Survey: findings and implications for gay and bisexual men.” by Gordan Mansergh, Grant Colfax, Gary Marks, Melissa Rader, Robert Guzman, and Susan Buchbinder. [like “BUTCH-bind-er”]
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
Yeaaah.
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
Yeaaah, Buchbinder. If you’re a transmasc person, you may need a Buchbinder.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s true.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Don’t wear it all day though.
MIKE JOHNSON
Absolutely true.
KYLE GETZ
It’s not safe. Um, this came out in 2001, and they studied- they surveyed 295 gay and bisexual men from the San Francisco Bay Area who had attended a circuit party in the previous year.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Now one of the reasons that I picked this is because they didn’t just have information about sex and drugs, they also had motivations for why people attend circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great.
KYLE GETZ
So, I wanted to, like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Was just, like, a checkbox that said “Because it’s fun,”? [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
“Fun”. Because you like “fun”. Um, I mean, kind of. 98% of people said that the reason was to listen to music and dance.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
That’s a good reason to attend a circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
I suppose so. Yeah. I mean, you can do that in your kitchen if you want.
KYLE GETZ
That’s true. It’s much cheaper. [Mike chuckles] I don’t have to fly anywhere. Uh, 97% said “to be with friends”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
You can also do that in your kitchen if you want to, but…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah… but then you gotta feed them.
KYLE GETZ
You gotta feed them and…
MIKE JOHNSON
Do the dishes after they leave.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. Friends are a burden. [both chuckle] You’re right, Mike. Don’t get new friends. Uh, then we get to-
MIKE JOHNSON
97% though, that surprises me, because I think the implication there then is that almost everyone goes to be with or see friends, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, I don’t think of that as being a group activity, but I guess it is.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
But I’m not in that scene, so I don’t know.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, it seems like that’s a huge part of it, because then it steps down to 78%. So, like, those two are the big reasons why people go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
78%, “to look at or be around beautiful men”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
72%, “meet new people/make new friends”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I would think that you’d have, like, your circuit party friends that are, like, a separate set of people that you just run into at all these circuit parties.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, I did read a little bit about… There was like a circuit party network, especially in the earlier days, of, like, all of these men from all these different cities that would see each other the three times a year when they were at the same circuit party.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, um that they started to, like, recognize each other and build relationships and friendships. In the days before social media, it was just like “We go to the same random-ass circuit parties all over the country,” so…
KYLE GETZ
That happened to me when I was in college. I would, like, have friends that I would only hang out with when we were going to underage drink.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Sure, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You know? Like, we didn’t hang out outside of that, we just were like… if it was a weekend and we wanted to go underage drink, we- that was the person we called to figure out if someone could get alcohol or-
MIKE JOHNSON
I joined a fraternity. [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Let’s see… 65% said “a feeling of community”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, okay.
KYLE GETZ
You do probably feel pretty gay at a circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
I bet so. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I mean, what’s gayer than going to a circuit party… other than actual anal intercourse?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Which happens at some circuit parties, so…
KYLE GETZ
I mean, that might be part of your circuit party plans.
MIKE JOHNSON
Apparently the Black Party is one that’s known for, like, full-on fuckin’ at the party.
KYLE GETZ
Mm!
MIKE JOHNSON
Anyway, go ‘head.
KYLE GETZ
[quietly] I have some data on that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ooo.
KYLE GETZ
Um, 57% said “get high on drugs”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
So, you know…
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, more than half.
KYLE GETZ
More than half. But it’s not up there at- Like, I would expect this to have been much higher. Like, as- When you think of circuit parties, I think immediately of, like… hot, annoying dudes going and doing drugs. Like, those are what I think of. And so, it’s not up there as one of the top few reasons that people go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, you know, it’s a little bit lower than I expected.
MIKE JOHNSON
But also more than half.
KYLE GETZ
But also more than h- [Mike chuckles] You’re right, more than half. Um, 53% said “to feel desirable”.
MIKE JOHNSON
I get that, girl.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
Like… it can be validating, if you’re one of those people.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, if you’re hot and have a nice body then you get- then you’re like “Here’s a venue to show off my hot body.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
But if you’re not one of those…
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
I just imagine- Yeah. We’ll talk about it. We- I’ve never been, so I just-
MIKE JOHNSON
Me neither.
KYLE GETZ
I think a circuit party is my worst fear. Uh, 46% said “to escape everyday life”. 30% said “have sex”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Wow, that surprises me.
KYLE GETZ
Because it’s low?
MIKE JOHNSON
Because it’s low.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Huh.
KYLE GETZ
The- Yeah, “Do drugs” and “have sex,” not- Again, like, not the top two reasons that people are goin’ to this.
MIKE JOHNSON
Apparently 20-something-% are just doing the drugs part. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Just the drugs! Uh, maybe they’re not- [chuckles] The motivation for attending- Maybe the motivation for attending isn’t having sex, but, like…
MIKE JOHNSON
It happens?
KYLE GETZ
Maybe sex still happens. You know?
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, okay. That’s true.
KYLE GETZ
Uh, only 10%-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, did they ask “What do you do there?” or “Why?” “What do you hope to do there?” [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Yep. Yep. And, only 10% said they go to get drunk on alcohol.
MIKE JOHNSON
How many percent?
KYLE GETZ
10.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Kay. See? This is how I know I don’t belong there.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] ‘Cause-
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Cause all I want to do is get drunk. [chuckles] And that’s not why those people are there.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. So, onto the drugs, nearly all of the respondents reported using a psychoactive drug during their most recent circuit party weekend.
MIKE JOHNSON
Nearly all.
KYLE GETZ
Nearly all of them did.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
So… yeah. Although it was not a top motivator, it is still nearly everyone that’s doing drugs while there. Um, only 11% consumed alcohol exclusively. Again, this goes to your-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, the point of a party, for me, is to drink alcohol, not-
MIKE JOHNSON
I wonder if they’re counting that as being psychoactive though, like, ‘cause-
KYLE GETZ
No… No.
MIKE JOHNSON
No?
KYLE GETZ
I think they excluded drinking from that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
I’m pretty sure. Um, among-
MIKE JOHNSON
And whether they did or not, it’s only 11% so whatever.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, among men using drugs, the number of different drugs range from 1 to 7.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God.
KYLE GETZ
Can you imagine 7?
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t know if I can name 7 drugs, Kyle. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Wellbutrin…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Trintellix… Uh, the median was 3. Most men had taken ecstasy or ketamine, or both, as well as other substances during the weekend.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
A median of 3? Even 3 drugs is a lot of drugs to be doing at the same time, in my mind.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah… Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
GHB and… something else is easy mix. Eh. 74% did drugs at the party.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
And many of them were on the dance floor in the bathroom.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Did the drugs? The drugs part?
KYLE GETZ
The drugs.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great.
KYLE GETZ
The drugs, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, so, you go and… it’s not like a pregame drugs thing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Two… three…
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s a during the game.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. It’s a midgame decision on the fly.
MIKE JOHNSON
On the field
KYLE GETZ
On the field, yes. [both chuckle] Sports metaphor. So good. Doing it goodly. Um, and… sex partners. What percentage of respondents reported multiple sex partners during the weekend?
MIKE JOHNSON
Multiple sex partners? 60!
KYLE GETZ
29%.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well…
KYLE GETZ
So- Including oral and anal, which…
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. I do.
KYLE GETZ
I do. [both chuckle] I do include both, and I do both. Um, 9% had sex at the event.
MIKE JOHNSON
That seems low to me, but okay.
KYLE GETZ
Really?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I mean, at- Like, at the party it’s like-
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, I’ve never been to one. And, the image that I have in my head of one is that there’s lots of dicks doing lots of things.
KYLE GETZ
Like- Yeah, like, on the dance floor though?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Eh. Of those 9% that had sex at the event, half of those were on the dance floor.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
And 39% were in a restroom.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Restroom seems like a better place to go, because you can, like, close the door and not be, like, in the middle of the dance floor. I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah… I don’t. I don’t like that.
KYLE GETZ
What… part of it?
MIKE JOHNSON
Bathroom sex just…
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t know.
KYLE GETZ
Because you’re right by a toilet?
MIKE JOHNSON
And everything is always so, like, wet, and gross, and, like, potentially stinky and, like, there’s nothing to lay down on. I don’t know. It’s just… eck.
KYLE GETZ
Not a hot venue for sex?
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
But there’s, like, something risky about it.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s true.
KYLE GETZ
It’s exciting.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s true. I get that.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Let’s see… uh, 63% reported seeing condoms. [Mike chuckles] So, I think… [chuckles] Um…
MIKE JOHNSON
There’s condoms right next to the lube in my nightstand. I see them.
KYLE GETZ
I see them. [Mike chuckles] I see you, condoms.
MIKE JOHNSON
They’re there.
KYLE GETZ
I see you. And 30% reported taking condoms.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Holding them in their hand… and caressing them. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
This will make a funny balloon joke while I’m here. Oh, it’s like a pool party. You can inflate it. That’d be funny.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, so I pictured them as- This is, I think, part of why I mentioned the desire to promote safer sex practices, is, I think- I imagine them, like having condoms, trying to, like you said, like, kind of make their image a little bit better.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. I am sad about some of the data, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
What part of it, Mike?
MIKE JOHNSON
The drugs part?
KYLE GETZ
Oh, about how much drugs they do?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I am a naïve, sheltered child when it comes to, like, drugs. I’ve done so few of them. I don’t pay attention to, like, my surroundings much, I guess. I remember how fucking just shocked and appalled I was when somebody asked if they could do cocaine at my house. And, like… but there’s coke everywhere, apparently. Like, I just am- Anyway, so… I think I have some, like, prudish, like… judgy hang-ups about drugs. And so the idea that, like, in my head, circuit parties equal drugs, I was kind of hoping that that was false.
KYLE GETZ
Mm.
MIKE JOHNSON
But it sounds like it’s true.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, that one does seem true. What did I say… “Nearly all the respondents reported using a psychoactive drug,”? So…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah… Hm.
KYLE GETZ
That part of it does seem to be true… Yeah, I think it’s- I mean, just imagine someone that doesn’t drink. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, you know, they may view-
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] You looked right at Derek.
KYLE GETZ
I did. [both chuckle] He’s not judging about it, so I shouldn’t have done that. But, like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, he’s not. But people in Los Angeles at the live show kept trying to buy him alcohol. [laughs] And, like-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-he’s not being rude, he just doesn’t do that.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. Taking a swing and a miss on that one, sorry. Don’t buy Derek a alcoholic drink. Um, but, like, you know, everyone has kind of their line. Someone may not drink and may be judgmental of people that get drunk and sloppy. Like, you know.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. I get it.
KYLE GETZ
So I just hope that they have someone- Like, that would be a good place to have, like, a doctor on hand to, like, help with, you know, potential overdoses or, like, risk.
MIKE JOHNSON
Apparently, some years at the White Party – or White Parties – they do have doctors and other medical staff and they wear red tank tops so you can identify them, and I think that’s adorable.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh, that is cute. Well then, do you have to be hot as a doctor in order- Because, like, if you wearin’ a tank top…
MIKE JOHNSON
You would think so. [Kyle sighs] Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I just picture a certain body type as- them giving tank tops out to them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t wear tank tops.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mm.
KYLE GETZ
Mm. Well, that’s the gayta.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Thank you for that.
KYLE GETZ
You’re welcome, Mike.
MIKE JOHNSON
…As disappointing as it was for me.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Sorry. Sorry to disappoint. I mean… I want to- I wanted to give- You’re right that I want – circuit parties – to try to give them the benefit of doubt. The part that most people are there to, like, hanging out with friends and dance.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, that was a little bit of a glimmer of hope that, you know, it’s not- The point is not “Oh, cool, I get to finally do some drugs now.” They’re probably doing drugs anyway. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
If you’re- You know? So, you know, the point- there’s a little bit more of a… good, positive reason to go as your motivation than I expected. So that’s good.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
I was trying to give circuit parties the benefit of doubt, because I have such a negative view of them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And people that go to them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And I don’t want to, because I know it’s based on- And having never attended one, it’s based on some of these stereotypes, which, it sounds like some are true, and…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know. Maybe others aren’t.
MIKE JOHNSON
There’s also the academic exercise of, like… You wanna to do drugs and fuck? Great. Go for it. Right? Like, why- It doesn’t have to be for me.
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
But I don’t have to, like, judge it either, right? [chuckles] So…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That’s true. I think this is where, like, promoting safer practices for drug use, including having, like, doctors on hand on staff, like, that’s a great, safer method or-
MIKE JOHNSON
Like sharps containers or-
KYLE GETZ
What’s that?
MIKE JOHNSON
You know, like, the things that, like, “You can put your needles in here,” or whatever.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, to put your- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or, like, testing things to make sure, like, there’s no fentanyl in here.
MIKE JOHNSON
Fentanyl strips, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. So, those are, like, safer things. I don’t know how much of those these things – these circuit parties – do, but that would be…
MIKE JOHNSON
They must do sumn, because, like- Oh, I did- Where did that go? I had some… data. [Kyle gasps] I know.
KYLE GETZ
You bitch.
MIKE JOHNSON
I know. [chuckles] I know. I know. …That was saying that the, uh, the number of overdoses has gone down.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
And they think, in part, because of safety initiatives.
KYLE GETZ
That’s great.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like doctors, and testing, and information, and… yeah. So…
KYLE GETZ
Hm. That’s good.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah! Umm… You ready? You ready for this?
KYLE GETZ
I’m ready for it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright. We’re gonna play a game called “Circuit Party or Laundry Detergent.” [Kyle chuckles] Are you ready?
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, I’m going to name a thing, you’re going to tell me whether it is a brand of laundry detergent or a circuit party. Are you ready for this?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Let’s do it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright. How ‘bout…
KYLE GETZ
This is hilarious.
MIKE JOHNSON
Let’s go with “Cheer”.
KYLE GETZ
Uh, laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
Correct.
KYLE GETZ
[uncapping sound] I’m keeping track of my points.
Unknown Speaker
How about, uh… “Black & Blue”?
KYLE GETZ
Uhh, circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a circuit party in Montreal.
KYLE GETZ
Yeaah! Oh, what’s up, Canada?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Uh, how ‘bout “Nirma”?
KYLE GETZ
Nirma… Uh, laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a laundry detergent? You are correct.
KYLE GETZ
Ooo. Yeaah! I’ve never heard of that laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
How ‘bout “Daz”?
KYLE GETZ
…That sounds like “dads” which is sounds like “daddy”, so I’m gonna go… circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a brand of laundry detergent.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. “Daz”?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. How ‘bout “Blue Ball”?
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] I mean, that should- better be a circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s a circuit party in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Uh, how ‘bout “Motorball”?
KYLE GETZ
Mo- I mean, it has “ball” in it, so unless you’re trying to trick me I’m gonna say circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s a circuit party in Detroit. How about “Biz”?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, I’m gonna go laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a laundry detergent. Well done, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeaah!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, how about “Cherry Pop”?
KYLE GETZ
Ooh, I’m gonna say circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a circuit party in Washington, DC.
KYLE GETZ
That sounds like a slutty one.
MIKE JOHNSON
How about “Fwheel”?
KYLE GETZ
“Hwheel”?
MIKE JOHNSON
“Wheel”.
KYLE GETZ
Hwheel.
MIKE JOHNSON
Fwheel.
KYLE GETZ
Uhh… laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a detergent.
KYLE GETZ
Ooo!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, “Brüt”?
KYLE GETZ
Circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a circuit party in multiple US cities. You’re kicking ass, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Wow, there’s multiple- “Brüt” is popular enough of a name that multiple cities need to have it?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. And the “u” as an umlaut over it.
KYLE GETZ
Brüt!
MIKE JOHNSON
Brüt! [Kyle chuckles] Uh, “Bal en Blanc”?
KYLE GETZ
I’m gonna say circuit party.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a circuit party in Montreal.
KYLE GETZ
Ooh, Montreal again.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Uh, let’s see… how ‘bout “Bold”?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, I’m gonna go laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a laundry detergent. “Arena”?
KYLE GETZ
Oof, that one- I’m not gettin’ any vibes from that, so I’ll go laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a circuit party in Mexico.
KYLE GETZ
Aw.
MIKE JOHNSON
And “Breeze”.
KYLE GETZ
Breeze. Laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a detergent. You got almost all of them right, Kyle. You only missed two!
KYLE GETZ
I only missed two.
MIKE JOHNSON
You are very good at circuit parties and/or laundry detergents.
KYLE GETZ
This… is a hilarious concept and I love it so much. [Mike chuckles] I only wanted this podcast to be Laundry Detergent or Circuit Party.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Okay.
KYLE GETZ
That’s just what every episode is gonna be from here on it.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Cause you’re super good at it.
KYLE GETZ
Mostly because I’m good at it, also because it’s really funny.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Um, should I tell you what I found on Reddit?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah! What did you find on Reddit?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, let’s ask Reddit. Two questions that I want to talk about. One is “Are circuit parties all just about sex?”
MIKE JOHNSON
No. Apparently, they’re about drugs. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Apparently they’re about the drugs, folks. Come on. One of the responses was “Sex and drugs,”, so…
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Someone else said that they’re… “They’re honestly what you make of them. Yes, the guys are usually significantly hotter and wear more revealing [clothing]. Yes, there’s a fuck ton of ecstasy+coke+G being done”. Maybe that’s the combination of threes – I said there was a median of three – ecstasy, coke, and G.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Kay, great. I wouldn’t know, like, what ratios to use, or, like, when to take them, or in what order. Um, and, backing up to, like, hot dudes not wearing very much, there was a quote. Scott Larson, who manages a sports medicine center in Los Angeles, said, quote, “Circuit parties are just an excuse for guys to check out the latest in men’s underwear.” [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
That seems about right.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I wonder how it feels to go there with, like, a non-gym body. Like…
MIKE JOHNSON
It probably depends on the circuit party.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, I think that, like, some circuit parties cater to different audiences. There are some that would be better than others, I think.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, there are some circuit parties that apparently have a bunch of dudes, like, in their 50s and 60s that go.
KYLE GETZ
Hm. That’s awesome.
MIKE JOHNSON
And that doesn’t mean that they don’t have gym bods, but it means that they are more likely, I think, to not have perfect bods.
KYLE GETZ
Or, like, the idea is, like, you’re in your 20s or 30s and, you know, have that… Uh, another answer to “Are circuit parties just about sex?”: “Got invited to 3 after orgies tho”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Um, and this- We were talking about friends. Someone said “There’s a difference between actual friends [who] you can depend on, and friends you make while drunk partying your tits off who you literally will not see or hear from until the next time you run into each other. Both are valid tbh”. And I think that’s true. Like, I think it’s fine to have your drunk party friends.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, that there’s- All friends don’t have to be personal, close, best friends for them to have a useful function and valid kind of friendship.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I think of my friendships and relationships as being like an onion, right? Like, you’ve got the core innermost layer, but there’s layers of different quality and investment that are valid for different reasons.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I have a hard time with, like, friends that I’ve been bad at keeping up with. I always feel guilty about that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Aw. I mean…
KYLE GETZ
I know that’s-
MIKE JOHNSON
…they’re not doing a great job of keeping up with you either then, right?
KYLE GETZ
I guess not. That’s just- Maybe that’s just life that I need to get over.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That people just… You don’t keep in touch with every single person.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. God, I need to call my dad. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Do you want to do it now, on the air?
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
MA JOHNSON
Let’s hear that conversation, Mike.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, Jesus.
KYLE GETZ
Um, someone else asked “What to expect at a gay circuit party?” Um-
MIKE JOHNSON
Drugs. [chuckles] Music.
KYLE GETZ
Sex. Dancing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sex.
KYLE GETZ
So this one said “[I’ve] only been to two”-
MIKE JOHNSON
Laundry detergent. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Oh no, I accidentally showed up to a laundry detergent.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, foam. Bubbles.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Toss that in the pool.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Splish splash, don’t drink that water. Um, “Only been to two, so not an expert”-
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, don’t drink the water in the pool at a gay anything.
KYLE GETZ
That’s very true. [Mike chuckles] That’s a thick stew right there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Eugh.
KYLE GETZ
Um, “Only been to two, so not an expert, but my advice as a young black guy is this: 1. The atmosphere can be … fun, but mainly a house/EDM [or] sometimes techno … feel.” “Wear something open, [don’t] worry about whether … you have a ‘hot boy summer’ body… just make sure you’re in something light and breathable [because] it can get hot [as fuck].”
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
That kind of makes sense, even though I would never do that.
MIKE JOHNSON
You can wear a skirt, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, that’s true.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s breezy. You’ve mentioned that is like a refreshing feeling. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
It’s so nice to feel the breeze on your underpants. Um, “3. [I] haven’t been to one that includes drinks in the price, it will be … cheaper to buy beforehand and pregame. The drinks [there] are wildly expensive”. So, let’s see… “You may … want to bring … water … because its easy to get dehydrated”. Number four, “pack … spare condom[s] … or make sure to start prep at least a week before, [because] there will be a decent amount of people looking for sex on the dance floor.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Hold, please. I don’t think that’s how PrEP is supposed to work. I don’t think starting and stopping PrEP, like, on your own- Unless that’s what your doctor is saying to do, don’t- That’s not great.
KYLE GETZ
But don’t you, like, start PrEP- Isn’t it two weeks that it takes to be effective?
MIKE JOHNSON
This conversation is illustrating the point, Kyle. Like, I don’t- I don’t- I don’t know. I think that you’re right, I think that it takes a while for it to get to maximum efficacy. I also don’t know if starting and stopping and starting and stopping is approved or allowed. Like, it might be bad.
KYLE GETZ
Well, you can do the PEP- use it as PEP.
MIKE JOHNSON
You can use it as PEP. That’s true.
KYLE GETZ
So, anyway, do whatever your doctor recommends but get on your PrEP beforehand so that you can have sex there.
MIKE JOHNSON
I guess we should do the, like, “The more you know,” rainbow moment of, like, PEP is “Post-Exposure Prophylaxis”. So, PrEP is “Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis” so, that, you take it every day and that prevents you from getting… uh, seroconverting if you are exposed. And then, Post-Exposure Prophylaxis is you have had an exposure of some kind but you weren’t on PrEP so you take a larger dose of PrEP medications after the fact to prevent it.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. And usually you want to start your PEP within 72 hours of exposure. So, like, this is one of those things where you need to be- Like, you go to an ER or urgent care or something to get a doctor to prescribe it right away.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. To make, like, a pregnancy- [chuckles] To make a- [chuckles] To make it about pregnancy, like, well, PrEP is like being on the pill and PEP is like the morning after pill.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, totally.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That’s a good- I think that’s a great way of thinking about it. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Also, like… not a fetus. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Not a fetus. Not even a little bit. But I still- It’s a good metaphor.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Great.
KYLE GETZ
Why have you not been to circuit party ever, Mike?
MIKE JOHNSON
Umm… well, first, I’ve not been invited.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t think I have a lot of friends who are in that kind of a scene. I don’t think I would want to go by myself, in part because of my, like, weird, negative, judgy feelings about them and what goes on there. Umm… In fact, I’m going through the exercise now of thinking, if I were to be invited to one, if somebody was like “Hey, Mike, I want to go to… Decadence,” I don’t know… would I?
KYLE GETZ
Hm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mm, probably? …But probably last year when I felt better about my body. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Eh. How ‘bout you?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, I also- Well, I’ve not been invited but I also don’t have friends that go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, so it’s not like it’s a- I feel like some group of friends are just like… they go to all of these kinds of events and it’s just part of their friendship group. So, I just don’t have circuit party friends.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t think I even know anyone who would be like the circuit party type of gay. I feel like that- like, this is a type of gay, is the circuit party gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And I don’t think I’m friends with-
MIKE JOHNSON
“Circuit queens”, right? That’s- Got the name.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, if I were invited I probably would not go to one.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I would just f- I think- I already feel uncomfortable about my body, much less in a room full of shirtless dudes that all have great gym bodies. I think it would be recipe for making me feel really bad about myself.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mmm. Mmm. Mm.
KYLE GETZ
Maybe they’re- You’re right that maybe there’re a variety of parties. Maybe if there was, like, a more, like, a bear party or a, like, “We’re regular human,” kind of circuit party. I don’t know if that- if any of them are known for that, but if there was one that was like- What?
MIKE JOHNSON
The Gayish- We’re gonna start a circuit party called “Regular Human”
KYLE GETZ
Regular- [both chuckle] “Come on down to Regular Human, where you don’t have to have gym body just to fit in. You can fit in just the way you are. Come on, Regular Body.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Regular Human Ball.
KYLE GETZ
Regular Human- The Regular Human Ball, and tickets are $20.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs] You don’t get anything.
KYLE GETZ
You get nothing for that. You just get the privilege of being there. And then drinks are $100 each. Bring your own drugs. BYOD.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, yeah, I- I don’t know. I have said, like, I think circuit parties are my worst nightmare.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mm. Mhm.
KYLE GETZ
Like, being in that kind of environment. I judge myself based on how I look and compare myself to other people just walking down the street, just being at a gay bar… like, looking at Instagram. You know. These, I feel like, are also, like, Instagram gays too, you know?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, that feels like there’s an overlap between those. And I feel a little bit bad that I have this judgment of circuit parties, but I don’t know…. maybe people are-
MIKE JOHNSON
Why do you think you feel bad?
KYLE GETZ
Because maybe they’re super accepting, and maybe they don’t care, and maybe, even though they have hot bodies, they don’t care if everyone has the same kind of body. And maybe some people will like the way I look just fine and I’m being too, you know, and my judgement of them is really just a judgment of myself and not actually a judgement of the circuit party itself.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So it’s hard to unpack what’s the circuit party and what’s just me and my own feelings about myself.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Makes sense. Someone on Instagram- Did you see this comment posted- Like the one on the left, which was me, “Oh, he’s actually kind of cute. The way he described himself, I thought he was, like, big and gross.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] So, cool. Thanks.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Great.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks for that comment. Appreciate it, that I’m not as big and gross as I make myself out to be.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, you’re definitely not, just so you know.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks, man.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Appreciate it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um also, I don’t like loud noises.
KYLE GETZ
Mmm.
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t- Like, my personal definition of hell would be “Not being able to have a conversation with people.” Those friends that you go to a circuit party with, I would want to talk to them, and [yelling] I’d have to yell. Fuck. Goddamn. [speaking] You know what I mean?
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that’s just, like… we’re a certain age where going to loud [imitates pulsating club music] clubs just are so much- so less appealing than it used to be at one point in my life.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I hate that, just yelling over music trying to say anything. And I don’t really, like, go out and dance anymore.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Right.
KYLE GETZ
Like, I used to do that. Like, that made a little bit more sense when you would just “I’m gonna pound some alcohol,” and then go on the dance floor and dance.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, that kind of club environment makes more sense then.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
KYLE GETZ
Mm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Did we do it?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, we did somethin’.
MIKE JOHNSON
We talked about circuit parties?
KYLE GETZ
We talked about certain parties. Sorry, if you’re a circuit party gay. Sorry if we judged you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Eh. Let us know. Let us know what we got wrong.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, I love hate mail.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, send it to Mike.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, send it to me.
KYLE GETZ
Care of Mike Johnson.
MIKE JOHNSON
Should we- Should we take a circuit break?
KYLE GETZ
Circuit break!
MIKE JOHNSON
Circuit breaker.
KYLE GETZ
[imitates pulsing music] Circuit breaker. Combo breaker.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Let’s take a break.
[Break music plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
This is the part where Mike and Kyle take a break!
MIKE JOHNSON
So, are we back?
KYLE GETZ
We’re back!
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re back!
KYLE GETZ
We’re gonna do our Gayest & Straightest.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re gonna do our Gayest & Straightest but, first…
KYLE GETZ
Hey, everyone.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hey, everyone.
KYLE GETZ
Hey, friends.
MIKE JOHNSON
Listen up, you dirty fuckers.
KYLE GETZ
Beautiful people.
MIKE JOHNSON
You… shut up. Don’t listen to Kyle. You’re bad, terrible, awful people, and your only potential path to redemption is to buy tickets for our Houston show.
KYLE GETZ
Our Houston show, it’s our last show. It is on October 15th. It is at noon at KIKI in Montrose. We’re really excited about it, so I hope you come out. I hope you come from Dallas, I hope you come from Austin, I hope you come out to see us.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, if you don’t, I will never speak to you again.
KYLE GETZ
Yeaah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Forever. No.
KYLE GETZ
That’ll make doing this podcast very challenging, so you have to come out and see us. We would love to see you there.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s right.
KYLE GETZ
Go to gayishpodcast.com/live.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes. Do it, right now… fuckers. Local Gay Bar Review!
KYLE GETZ
Ooo.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hurray!
KYLE GETZ
Hurray.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, I’m going to talk to you about this adorable place called Cranberry…
KYLE GETZ
Cranberry.
MIKE JOHNSON
…in Zurich, Switzerland. It was adorable. Uh, fun, flirty bartenders. Which, like, there was no language barrier in Switzerland basically. It’s just, like, that’s a part of the world where, like, everybody speaks like eight languages. It’s adorable, but also kind of annoying because, like, all I wanted to do was practice my German and, like, nobody was having that. Um, was there with Marcy and Sarah when I was traveling for work, and when we got to Zurich there was actually a Zurich fest going on, which is this… every three years the city of Zurich shuts down and turns into a festival along the river. And um, we just happened- We did not plan it, or time it, or even know it. Zurich- Züri Fäscht was happening when we got there. So, they didn’t have any seating and they had a limited menu, so I didn’t really get the full Cranberry experience, but what I did do there I very much enjoyed. Uh, 3 dildos.
KYLE GETZ
3 dildos.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Good place to go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, absolutely.
KYLE GETZ
Um, should we do our contact info.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. Our website is gayishpodcast.com.
KYLE GETZ
We are on socials, on Instagram, @gayishpodcast.
MIKE JOHNSON
Our hotline, you can send us text messages or leave us voicemails, is 5855-Gayish. That’s 585-542-9474. Standard rates apply.
KYLE GETZ
Our email is gayishpodcast@gmail.com.
MIKE JOHNSON
And our physical mailing address is Post Office Box 19882 Seattle, Washington 98109. Gayest & Straightest.
KYLE GETZ
Gayest & Straightest.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright. You go.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. My gayest is: listening to the new Kim Petras album. I- What?
MIKE JOHNSON
Gaaaay.
KYLE GETZ
Gay. That’s pretty gay. [Mike chuckles] The song that was just playing before we started recording was Treat Me Like a Ho, so there you go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, I try my best.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks, honey. [both chuckle] Um, my straightest is: not showering or doing my hair all weekend.
MIKE JOHNSON
Boy, that was gonna be mine.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, sorry. [Mike laughs] I’m glad I got in there first. It can be yours too. We can both be straight in the same way.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. What about you?
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, well, the gayest thing about me this week is: I wore my “Your bullshit is bullshit” shirt accidentally to work, a work meeting. [Kyle gasps] So I had to explain to somebody the whole, like, “Oh, it’s a thing that I say on the podcast,” blah blah blah. But, like, just, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Whoops.
MIKE JOHNSON
Whoops. [Kyle chuckles] I have a shirt that says “Your bullshit is bullshit” that my gay-ass podcast-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Anyway. Anyway, the straightest thing about me this week is: last night, drunk Mike thought it would be a good idea to just pour hot sauce in his mouth. [Kyle gasps] You remember that?
KYLE GETZ
No.
MIKE JOHNSON
You were there.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t remember you doing that.
MIKE JOHNSON
I, like, did- I was, like-
KYLE GETZ
Oh, was that when I put it on my pizza?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes!
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And you were like “What are you doing!?” and I was like “Just tasting it, I guess?” I don’t know. But I jus- It just feels like just, like, pouring hot sauce in your mouth is like a straight guy thing.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, like someone dared you at a frat party.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Um, okay, and now a listener’s Gayest & Straightest. This week, we have a voicemail, which, I keep telling y’all, if you want to get yours on the air the best thing to do is send us a voicemail because we will probably play it.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
BRANDON PETTIGREW [voicemail]
Okay, we’re gonna try this again. Hello there, fucking Kyle. Please disregard the last message I sent to you because I’ve messed it up completely and then I didn’t know how to restart. So, anyway, I was gonna submit me a Gayest & Straightest. And I don’t know if I said my name but it’s Brandon Pettigrew, your little Discord person and a happy black man that people usually see every once in a while doing stuff. Um, but my gayest this week is, um: my boyfriend of 8 years proposed to me last night. And yeah, so that was pretty great. And so now I’m an engaged little man, doing things, so I’m gonna try to be happy and stuff. Um, now my straightest also is involved with this engagement as well, because I got engaged in the middle of us laying in bed [chuckles] watching Silent Library. So, if you ever watched MTV back in the early 2000s, Silent Library was just a jam. And he’s never seen the show before, so I introduced it to him. And so, yeah. And if you’ve seen that show, it’s pretty straight. So, uh, yeah, so that was my thing. And, uh, thank y’all for listening and… yeah. And happy 350th, whenever that comes up. I’ll try to be there for the live stream. Hello. Goodbye.
MIKE JOHNSON
Brandon Pettigrew, you’re adorable. Thank you for being adorable.
KYLE GETZ
Thanks, Brandon.
MIKE JOHNSON
And congratulations on the engagement, that’s fucking beautiful.
KYLE GETZ
That’s amazing. Yeah, congrats.
MIKE JOHNSON
I wish- I wish, when we all had drinks together in Seattle, that we could have known that was the future you were going to have, because maybe I would have tried harder? No, I don’t- [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, let us know if you’re going to have had gotten engaged in the future.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So that we know whether to care about your significant other.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. [both chuckle] Um… I guess that’s it?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
We did it?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And thank you to all the circuit queens!
KYLE GETZ
Yeah! Sorry for this episode. I hope we didn’t screw it up or say things that were untrue.
MIKE JOHNSON
And thank you to that Scott Larson person, who said that circuit parties were about men’s underwear. And, um, thank you to everybody that listens.
KYLE GETZ
And thank you to underwear.
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you- Thank you underwear.
KYLE GETZ
Thank you underwear. Uncredited for so much achievements. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
The uns- The unthong hero. [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Okay. And, also, I want to thank the following Super Gap Bridgers: Kit Oliver, Andrew Bugbee, William Bryant, Christopher M, John Crawley, Stephen Portch, Joh Stoessel, Harry Shaw, Josh Copeland, Jonathan Montañez, Waddu, Forrest Nail, Patrick Martin, James Barrow, Steve Douglas, Explosive Lasagna, Michael Cubbington, Just Jamie, Kevin Henderson, Tomas B, Timothy Saura, DustySands, AE Coleman, Chris Khachatourians, and Jerome York. Thank you for your support.
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you for your money! [Kyle chuckles] That is it. This has been Gayish. From the Chris Khachatourians studios, I’m Mike Johnson.
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz. Until next week, be butch, be fabulous, be you. See ya.
MIKE JOHNSON
See you next week.
[Outro music plays, instrumental]
MIKE JOHNSON
Fuck boys, get money.
KYLE GETZ
Fuck boys, get money, money.
MIKE JOHNSON
Is it “Fuckboys get money,” or two separate activities that I’m going to participate in: “I’m going to fuck boys, and I’m going to get money,”?
KYLE GETZ
Or is it “Fuck boys, get money.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. This is a real- It’s deep.
KYLE GETZ
It’s deep. So many layers.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Oh, Jesus Christ, Kyle.
[Transcriptionist: C Dixon, CMDixonWork@gmail.com]