On the first stop of our 6-city tour, Mike and Kyle cruise the topic of bathhouses live from The Spot in New York City. We cover bathhouse etiquette, the history of bathhouses, bathhouse gayta, priests in bathhouses, and bathhouse closures during AIDS.
In this episode: News- 6:08 || Main Topic (Bathhouses)- 12:55 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:09:55
If you want to see us live, tickets are still available for our stops in Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, LA, and Houston. Visit www.gayishpodcast.com/live for dates, details and tickets. We can’t wait to see you!
On the Patreon bonus segment, Mike tells us more church bathhouse stories, and Kyle shares the gay/bi community attachment scale. Get bonus segments, episodes, and lots of other great perks by joining Patreon at www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast.
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
INTRO MUSIC [MIKE JOHNSON SINGING]
When you know that you are queer but your favorite drink is beer, that’s Gayish. You can bottom without stopping but you can’t stand going shopping, that’s Gayish. Oh, Gayish. You’re probably Gayish. Oh life’s just too short for narrow stereotypes. Oh, it’s Gayish. We’re all so Gayish. It’s Gayish with Mike and Kyle.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hello, everyone in the podcast universe. This is Gayish! [audience applauds]
KYLE GETZ
Wow. The podcast that’s here to chug wine or chug cock!
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God. [Mike chuckles] [audience cheers] Again, Kyle, porque no los dos?
KYLE GETZ
I’m out of wine, so…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [Mike and audience laugh] Uh, I’m Mike Johnson.
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz.
MIKE JOHNSON
And we’re here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality. And, today…
KYLE GETZ
…We’re not going to tell you what we’re talking about.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re not gonna tell you what we’re talking about, because we do that for no explicable reason whatsoever for the live shows. But you’ll find out here in just a second.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, I first want to ask: there were people singing, that was so cool, but how many people have heard this podcast before? [audience cheers pretty loudly]
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Excellent.
KYLE GETZ
How many people have never heard this podcast before? [audience cheers quietly]
MIKE JOHNSON
Wow, okay.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. [Kyle and audience chuckle]
MIKE JOHNSON
Like what- What favor do you owe that person? [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
A little less “Woo,” than- Yeah, what do you- [Kyle and audience chuckle] Speaking of chugging cock, you owe them one tonight.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, exactly right. Uh, so, if the chugging cock joke didn’t remind you, this is a very not safe for work show, it is R-rated. So, if that’s not good for you: why are you here? [audience chuckles] Uh, this show is about gay stereotypes. We do one topic per week and we’ve been doing this for a little over six years. Have yet to- We’ve only missed a handful of weeks in like six years, so. Uh, quick note, please take as many selfies, as many videos as you desire, as you want to, because we are beautiful. Just be sure to post them and tag us @gayishpodcast so that Derek – who’s not here, he’s in St. Louis – sees them and has a lot of work to do when he’s done with vacation because we like to punish him that way.
KYLE GETZ
And he like it.
MIKE JOHNSON
And he likes it. He definitely likes it.
KYLE GETZ
Speaking of us being beautiful, what are you wearing, Mike?
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m wearing my Pride Month demon shirt. [Kyle chuckles] [audience applauds loudly]
KYLE GETZ
Very fitting.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I love it. Can we see your shoes?
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, and these gay-ass shoes.
KYLE GETZ
Put your- Put your feet up. [audience cheers] Those are so cute.
MIKE JOHNSON
They are very cute.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And you’re in your gold skirt, which, I’m a big fan of that. [audience cheers] And also, sparkly gay-ass shoes.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, hold on, let me put my knees…
MIKE JOHNSON
No, don’t! [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Take a peek!
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God. Okay, well, um… Nice.
KYLE GETZ
Nice. Thanks. Thanks, bro.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uhh, so, if you’ve heard the show, you know that at the very end we do our Gayest & Straightest which is the stereotypically gayest and stereotypically straightest thing about us for the week. And, if you would like to share yours, we’re going to take 4 volunteers from the audience to do that. So be thinking about how and whether you want to participate, because it’s gonna be great.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. This is first and foremost a podcast, so we’re recording right now. This is gonna be the episode that comes out on Thursday, so you could be on an actual podcast.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Also, at the break, again, inexplicably, it’s a live show tradition that we do shots when we take a break. So if you want to take shots with us, make sure that you have shots. And be very nice to the people that The Spot who have been so kind to let us invade them today. Uh, let’s see… I had something else to say.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah?
MIKE JOHNSON
What was it?
KYLE GETZ
I have “generic chit-chat” up top, so do you want to generically chit-chat? [Mike laughs] [speaking stiltedly] So, Mike, what has your New York experience been like so far?
MIKE JOHNSON
We hung out with Minoritea Report last night. That was pretty fun.
KYLE GETZ
We did! Minoritea Report is another podcast, take a listen to them if you haven’t, but we talked to them virtually, through a screen.
MIKE JOHNSON
And I don’t know if y’all know this: the bars close here at 4. [Kyle chuckles] So if you’re depending on the bar to tell you when it’s time to go home, it is a very different experience than it is back home. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] Good Lord.
KYLE GETZ
I close at 2.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Yeah. [Mike and Kyle chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
So you gotta get in before for that or you’re not getting anything. Um, the one thing I wanted to ask you up top, if you noticed…
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. Sure.
KYLE GETZ
So, we got in yesterday… Did you- Our Lyft driver…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Did you see him eating a sandwich… on the way? [Mike laughs] Did you see that it was just two pieces of bread? [Mike laughs] It was no- There was no sandwich part of the sandwich!
MIKE JOHNSON
Is that a sandwich?
KYLE GETZ
It was- He went too deep in the bread and then [Mike chuckles] forgot all the other steps to it! So, I don’t know. I didn’t know if you saw that.
MIKE JOHNSON
I saw that he was eating something, I did not pay that close attention. So, thank you.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, no problem. I think we chitchatted.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay great. Moving on… [Kyle and audience chuckle] We do have a 100 Words this week. So, at a certain level of Patreon support, if you send 100 words in, I will say them. Doesn’t matter what they are. Uh, and normally don’t do that for a live show, even if we have one in the queue, but this one I thought was extra special. So here we go. Uh, “Hi, Mike and Kyle. Happy Pride Month. I’ll cut to the chase so I can get right to using daddy Mike’s mouth. Here’s my 100 Words. Now more than ever, we need to remember that Pride is a riot. Pride is a rebellion. Pride is a reminder. 2023 has seen 500+ instances of anti-LGBT+ legislation brought forth by conservative cowards. These cunts are cornered and lashing out because they know their time is coming to an end. They are going after what they think are the weakest members of our community. What they don’t realize is our pride came from trans women of color. We will continue to fight for our right to exist, and anyone that doesn’t like it can catch a brick to the face. Terrance D. Sterling.” [audience cheers and applauds]
KYLE GETZ
I love that when our listeners write in they write really, like, passionate, moving things. I’d be like “Dick butt.” [Mike chuckles] Like, I’d just make you say- Like, I don’t know. That’s very sweet. Thank you for writing that in.
MIKE JOHNSON
Or “lizard” 100 times in a row, which, that was a lot to handle.
KYLE GETZ
Or more “lizard” 100 times. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, I think- I think that’s it.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re- Are you ready?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, we’re ready for the news then?
[News segment intro plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
Shut your mouth hole [Kyle chuckles] it’s time for your ear holes, news, news, news.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God, there’s so many people who say this is the only source of news in their lives, and I still can’t fucking believe [audience laughs] that that’s what they have for their existence. Okay, news the first. So, the FDA has released a warning reiterating something that they said last year, that you should make sure, the next time you reach for a 5-hour Energy, that it’s not a bottle of poppers. Don’t drink poppers. [audience goes like “eugh” then laughs] When you- [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Hunnies… [Kyle chuckles] do we need to have, like, a big talk?
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
Do we need to sit the children around and explain poppers? Like- I mean, this crowd definitely knows what poppers are so- I mean, not here, but, like, do we need to have a sit down? Who’s- Who’s…?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Apparently enough people for the FDA to care. [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Ow. Ow!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Uh, so it’s adorable too because all of the news about it has mostly been written for straight people, which is like [Kyle and audience laugh] “’Poppers’ is a term used to refer to a variety of liquid chemicals, typically amyl nitrate, which are sometimes inhaled by people recreationally for enhanced sexual arousal and temporary relaxation.”
KYLE GETZ
I’ve told you my popper story. I once encountered poppers in the wild. I was at a friend’s party and it was dying down, there were less and less people but there were, like, straight people, some gay people, women, men, and all of a sudden there were like five of us and someone got out poppers and started passing them around. And I was like “Oh my god, are we all about to fuck?” [Mike and audience laugh] Like, I- It turns out people use poppers just, like, for fun at parties or, like, on the dance floor. I was unaware of this.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So I fucked all of them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
One at a time.
MIKE JOHNSON
We were at the bar last night, Kerel and I were, and we were talking to a guy who was- he said he was a porn star, his name was Spike. And, uh- [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
That narrows it down.
MIKE JOHNSON
And he just, like, whipped out his poppers in the middle of the bar. And, like, I don’t know. Apparently that’s how they roll. Speaking of which, that was at the 9th Avenue Saloon, which is where we’re gonna go after this, if y’all want to come hang out. [Mike chuckles] Um, yeah! Okay, so don’t drink poppers, everybody. Apparently people are dying. [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
People are dying?!
MIKE JOHNSON
People are dying.
KYLE GETZ
Oh shit!
MIKE JOHNSON
There are deaths and hospitalizations.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, wow, I have not been treating this with the gravity that it deserves.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s fine.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s the whole podcast, I think, in a nutshell. Uh, people accidentally ingest poppers all the time, thinking that they are energy drinks despite the FDA, again, reminding people a few years ago. Uh, but “A single mistake can prove fatal,” The FDA wrote on its social media channels on Wednesday, “Drinking or inhaling poppers seriously jeopardizes your health.” Also, it means you’re out of poppers. [Kyle and audience laugh] News the second…
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, the Temecula Valley school board has decided that 11,000 students don’t need a new social studies textbook, the reason being that the one that they were considering using for that school district – again, this is 11,000 students – didn’t actually mention Harvey Milk in the book. But the teacher’s supplementary material mentions him as a possible topic of conversation in the classroom, so that meant that the whole book needed to be thrown out.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
And now they’re looking for a new- a new book. So the measure passed by a vote of 3 to 2 to not accept that book because it says “Harvey Milk” in – again, not in the textbook – but in the teacher’s guide. And the board’s president said that Milk was a “sexual predator” and a “pedophile” and that’s why they needed to not have that even-
AUDIENCE MEMBER
[audience oohs] Oh, what the fuck?
MIKE JOHNSON
Exactly! What the fuck?
KYLE GETZ
Chug some poppers.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Fuck off.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, I mean, I- I mean, yeah, she clearly needs to get laid at least. Like, I think that would maybe- Um, but yeah, so, you know, conservative parents are, like, out of control this year, I think this year more than any in recent memory, and it just keeps happening. Jennifer Wiersma, one of the board members who voted against the book, said, quote, “I don’t want my 3rd grader studying an LGBTQ issue. I don’t want them going into gender ideology.” Like…
KYLE GETZ
I don’t care! That doesn’t matter! That is not important to me. I really don’t care what you want.
MIKE JOHNSON
You dumb bitch. [Kyle and audience chuckle] It’s- But this one stuck out to me because it’s California. Right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, we think of the coasts as being very, very blue, liberal places, but they really are blue dotted cities that are still in a mostly sea of red, rural places.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And Temecula, I know a lot of people go there to drink wine but, like, it’s pretty rural. So, um-
KYLE GETZ
My homeschool district has been one of the ones in Texas banning a lot of books by LGBT people, by people of color, anything that they deem CRT.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Which is a broad variety of-
MIKE JOHNSON
Or “woke” or whatever. Like, just label it something you don’t like and- Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Yep. It sucks.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike sighs] Okay, news the last. So, this is fantastic. So, there is an anti-drag law that made it all the way through the Tennessee state system, and a Tennessee judge has ruled that the drag show ban is unconstitutional.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, sweet. [crowd cheers and applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
There was a two-day trial and it was signed- Oh, sorry, the bill was signed into law in March by Republican Governor Bill Lee, which, Bill Lee…
KYLE GETZ
Billy. [audience laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
Billy.
KYLE GETZ
Bill Lee.
MIKE JOHNSON
Get with it. Anyway, so- But it was struck down after just a two-day trial, saying that it was unconstitutional, by a Trump nominee, [Mike chuckles] US District Court Judge Thomas L. Parker. So-
KYLE GETZ
He can chug 5-hour Energy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, exactly. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] Yeah. Yep. Uh, anyway, so there is hope that there will be some remedy in the courts to all of the absolute blatant fuckface asshole dickbagery that’s happening across the country. We’ll see.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. That’s the news!
KYLE GETZ
That’s the news! [audience chuckles] Um, before we move on to the main topic, I just want to thank Patreon. Patreon supporters are the reason we can even do a tour and come here.
MIKE JOHNSON
You’re paying for this beer, Patreon. [Mike and audience laugh, then audience cheers and applauds]
KYLE GETZ
So, for any of our- Are any of our Patreon supporters in the audience? [a couple audience members cheer] Oh my god. Bunches of you. Hi, everyone. [Mike chuckles] I’m not reading any names because I- I’m scared to do those when it’s not live, much less when we’re in front of people. So thank you so much, Patreon. You can go to patreon.com/gayish [TN: patreon.com/gayishpodcast] to join and sign up for bonus content, uh, video, uh…
MIKE JOHNSON
Nailed it. [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Now I forget what we do, completely, but it’s a lot of fun.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright, you ready for the topic, everybody?
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
We are gonna hold up a sign and, when we hold it up, you are going to yell this out loud back at us. Are you ready? [audience woos] Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON and KYLE GETZ
3-2-1…
AUDIENCE
[yelling] Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, that’s right. We’re gonna talk about bathhouses.
KYLE GETZ
Y’all were too excited about that. [audience and Mike laugh] You’re dirty.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Uh, so- So, every time we point to you…
AUDIENCE
[yelling] Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
…you’re gonna see it again. Exactly right.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Because it’s funny. I like making people yell things. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Domming the audience?
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, you know. It’s got-
KYLE GETZ
Daddy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, you got to earn that daddy cred.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] Who here is okay admitting that they’ve been to a bathhouse? [a few audience members woo]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeeeah!
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Not as many cheers as for Patreon. Patreon: more popular than bathhouses. [Mike and audience laugh] That’s our new tagline for sure. Okay, have you- You’ve been to a bathhouse, Mike?
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, not today… [Kyle and audience chuckle] but yes.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know, how did last night go? [Mike and Kyle chuckle] Um, I’m gonna talk a little bit about tips for visiting a bathhouse, that I found on the internet.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Um, I wanna-
MIKE JOHNSON
Wait, you didn’t answer the question.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, that’s very true.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sly dog.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Have you been to a bathhouse, Kyle?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, I’ve been a handful of times.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Kay. How many handfuls? [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Just enough. Um, usually when I’m drunk.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Which, that’s-
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t advocate going sober, actually. [Kyle and audience laugh] So, like-
KYLE GETZ
Okay, then I went- I’ve gone the recommended amount of drunk. Okay, so I’m going to give some tips. This is a tip that I found on bathhouseblues.com, a page that has been deleted. [Mike and audience laugh] Um-
MIKE JOHNSON
So how did you get there?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, from the Wayback Machine that then can find old- Wikipedia referenced this when its- for its section on bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
So fancy.
KYLE GETZ
I went to the internet one day. [Kyle and Mike chuckle] No, I’m not gonna tell. Okay, this tip is that, bathhouses, “It is a sexual playground for men to do whatever they want: a place to get sex 24/7, like a 24-hour convenience store.”
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Woo!
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Eugh.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Wow.
KYLE GETZ
I would- I would argue against [Kyle chuckles] treating bathhouses like this, right?
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, I can get chips there. Can, like-
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh! Okay.
KYLE GETZ
We’re gonna talk about that later.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Yes. Uh, but- Uhh, don’t- This- I think one- Some of the stereotypes around bathhouses are that every gay man goes to bathhouses every night, we’re always hooking up, we’re always fucking everyone, and that bathhouses are like dirty, raunchy places.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, these are some of the stereotypes, and this one, I think, plays into that stereotype that you can just go and do whatever you want 24/7, when you shouldn’t really treat them like that.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Kay.
KYLE GETZ
I think there’s far more, maybe, more tips around, like, consent or how to handle different situations that we need to talk about.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um, some men choose to go to the baths with their friends.
MIKE JOHNSON
No. [audience laughs] I mean, like, I get it. I am not- I am not as tuned in to separating sex from friendship as, like, the other gay men that I see in my life. And I will not be going there with you, just so you know.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, with you? No. [Mike laughs] But- [Kyle chuckles] But I like other people better, so, um… [Kyle, Mike, and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
It seems like an interesting thing to, like, I don’t know, mix that together. Like, the less- I don’t- I just don’t- I don’t want- I don’t want people over for dinner and then, like, to go hang out at a bathhouse together. And, like, no judgment. Do that, go for it. That’s fantastic. It’s just not how I’m wired, I guess.
KYLE GETZ
I have gone with a friend before.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. How was it?
KYLE GETZ
It was good. It was fun. It’s, like, kind of like… It’s like money in the bank, you know? Like, if I go there and there’s no one there, like, alright, cool, you’re already here.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. [audience and Kyle chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Is that not how you treat your friends? Like a great backup plan? Mike, if we’re not married by next year…
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God.
KYLE GETZ
…we’re gonna marry each other. [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
No, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
Um, some require membership. According to some state laws, some bathhouses can only operate as private men’s clubs. So don’t be surprised if you show up in an unmarked door maybe, and show up and have to buy a membership in order to get in.
MIKE JOHNSON
I- That’s always been the case. I’ve never been somewhere that wasn’t like “Oh, you have to be a member,” but then also immediately offered a membership, right? Like, it’s not like an exclusive thing.
KYLE GETZ
Wikipedia, in its tips and tricks section – its Etiquette section – that I was a little bit horrified by, did offer, like, “It may be this, but it may not be this.” Like, it was really hedging its bets on how this works, because I don’t think they know.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Um, bathhouseblues.com also offered this suggestion: “You don’t go to sauna to play Scrabble.” Sorry, I pictured it in this tone: [in a judgmental tone] “You don’t go to a sauna to play Scrabble.” [Mike and audience chuckle] “As soon as you’re in the locker room getting your white towel, eyes begin roving.” So, you’ll get your white towel, go to the locker rooms, you have a key, key to a locker room, then you’ll probably take off your clothes and put on the white towel and that’s what you’re going to use to walk around in most of the rest of the time.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm. Mhm, mhm, mhm.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, confirm. This is your experience?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Well, I was gonna back up to the part where you’re at the door, where you’re getting, like, a membership.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Oh, sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
I went to Steamworks in Vancouver, British Columbia. It’s been a while, probably 8 or 10 years ago now, but the dude said “Do you know where you are?” [audience chuckles] I was like “I hope so.” [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
That’s so… That’s so mean!
MIKE JOHNSON
I know. Like-
KYLE GETZ
What about you said, like…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Straight guy or, like, I don’t know, clearly a prude.
KYLE GETZ
“I don’t fuck.” Yeah. [Mike laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t know. Yeah, he was very- Like, he just wanted to make sure. He just wanted to clear the air.
KYLE GETZ
“This is Smashburger, right.” [Kyle, Mike, and audience laugh] “Is this where I place my order? I have a DoorDash pickup, is this is where I get it?” [Mike and audience laugh] Um, wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That’s a nuclear burn. [Mike and Kyle chuckle] I’m surprised you’ve got over that.
KYLE GETZ
Um… [Kyle chuckles] “Do you know where you are?” [Mike chuckles] Uh, “men talk to each other at [bathhouses], even forming long-lasting friendships or relationships”.
MIKE JOHNSON
See, this is why I think you don’t go. [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
I didn’t say this, the internet said this! I’m reading to you what the internet said about bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. Alright, alright.
KYLE GETZ
We’ll talk about this a little bit later too-
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
-because it kind of is true. Um, this is important. This is where- Getting into consent, this is where- This is not a 24-hour playground where you can have whatever you want like you’re at a convenience store. Uh, a look or nod is usually enough to express interest, and a shake of the head or pushing away a hand means that attention is not welcomed. I have found- That’s a good rule. Hey, in life, if any of those situations come up, maybe follow those guidelines as well. I find bathhouses to be better at consent than, like, bars sometimes.
MIKE JOHNSON
I agree. Yeah, I absolutely agree.
KYLE GETZ
Do you?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I, like- I’ve gotten my ass grabbed at the bar before. And, like, at a bathhouse, not without, like, some kind of at least nonverbal consent given. Like, you can tell by people’s body language, like, whether this is an okay touch or not. And, like-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. And I’ve found people, at least when I’ve been, have respected that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Have gone- If I give some kind of cue, yes or no, they roll with it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I have- Do you have, like, steps? Like, I have- When I’m dating someone, I have, like, all these steps to get to, like… you going on dates, then you’re dating, then you’re, like- You’re- All of that progress. I think there’s a progress.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. It’s like The Game of Life with you. There’s like multiple branches. Like, you’ve got this whole system.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. But then again, it’s very easy to learn… [Mike and Kyle chuckle] very hard to finish. [audience laughs] [Kyle chuckles] I’m on an antidepressants. [Mike and audience laugh] Um, but I found there are, like, steps to this process. Like, you probably exchange a look. Someone probably walks up close and sits next to you if you’re somewhere in public. Someone probably touches your thigh. Like, have you found, like, there are steps like that?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And sometimes- Sometimes people will, like- Okay, maybe I’ll go into this. If you get a room, then-
KYLE GETZ
Ooh, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-then there’s, like, you’re- Like, you own that space. So people are much more likely to be like…
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Doing the, like, “Should I come in there?”
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
And you can also be like… [Mike chuckles] do the Drake thing.
KYLE GETZ
What’s the Drake thing?
MIKE JOHNSON
The memes that are Drake with his hand up, where you’re like “No.” [audience and Kyle chuckle] Uh, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, speaking of rooms, this was my favorite piece of etiquette from Wikipedia: “Customers [with] rooms may leave their … doors open to signal that they are available for sex.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm, mhm. Usually by putting their hole toward the door. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
“those who would like to be penetrated anally”…
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great! [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
…“(‘bottoms’) will sometimes lie face down on the bed with the door open, … those who prefer to penetrate others (‘tops’)”… [Mike and audience chuckle] Thanks, Wikipedia. Thanks for really breaking this down. Uh… “or to receive fellatio might lie face up.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. Great.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Here it is, boys.” [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
You see ass up, that’s your consent, buddies.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um… [Kyle and audience chuckle] It is. Come on in! [Mike chuckles] Um, “Traveling”- This is my last one. “Traveling is often better than arriving. The anticipation of what you might find can outstrip the pleasure of actually doing it, so to speak.” Whew, that’s a lot, right? Like-
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s Grindr ghosting, right? [Kyle and audience chuckle] That’s the real life version of Grindr ghosting. Of, like, “We’re gonna chat, it’s gonna be hot,” and then, like, nothing.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Have you had- I mean, have you had that version of a bathhouse experience?
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, the excitement of it being way better than the actual going?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
I think every context of my sex life, not just bathhouses, is, like, pretty much that. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Sorry, the topic of this episode is now Mike’s Sex Life. [Mike and audience laugh, someone cheers] Can we start at the beginning? [Kyle and Mike laugh] Someone was excited by that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Um, yeah, I can see, like, sometimes- I think it’s mixed. Sometimes you, like, go and then there’s no one there. You end up walking around for an hour and nothing happens and then you’re like “That- Okay.” Or you, like, go there, you, like, find one person to fuck, and then you’re like “Eh, it sounded more exciting in my head.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And other times you get gangbanged on a swing. I dunno. [Mike laughs] Hypo- Maybe. I’ve never- I’ve- [Mike laughs] I mean, not that I-
MIKE JOHNSON
Allegedly.
KYLE GETZ
Not that I wouldn’t. I’m just saying it’s- There- Okay. Um, [Mike chuckles] I will read one final thing, and this is what I found on Reddit. On Reddit, someone asks “What’s your most embarrassing moment at a gay bathhouse?” Uh, “I went into one of the gloryhole booths at the bathhouse and crouched down to look through one of the glory holes. Oooo. I felt someone playing with my asshole. They must have reached under the wall behind me. I continued to move my ass around on their finger. It felt sooo good as they rubbed my hole. Till I realized it wasn’t a finger, it was the edge of the flip flop I was wearing!” [audience and Mike loudly laugh] “It was touching my ass while I was crouched down. No one was in the booth behind me. Oooops. But it did feel good! LOL”. [Mike and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] That’s what I found on the internet, about bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
Man, I wish I could find that kind of love with a flip flop, you know?
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle laughs] Yeah, none of my flip flops have come onto me.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike and audience chuckle] Well, uh, very, very predictably, I’m gonna talk to everybody about the history of…
AUDIENCE
Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s right, gonna talk about the history of bathhouses. Uh, turns out, Kyle, they’ve been around for a very long time.
KYLE GETZ
But I mean, how are you breaking that down? Like, people have been bathing themselves in things since lakes or whatever.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes, so- So it turns out that, like, most people didn’t have bathrooms in their homes, so they did their business in public. So, that idea is absolutely true. That’s been around for a long, long time.
KYLE GETZ
Doing it in public… that sound- That’s less exciting.
MIKE JOHNSON
The ancient Greeks, by the 6th century BC, had bathhouses, and, um, the Chinese, even earlier at like the 10th century. The Chinese even had a book called the “Book of Rites” that was – again 10th century – that said, quote, “people should take a hot shower every five days and wash their hair every three days.” And it was considered good manners to take a bath provided by the host before the dinner.
KYLE GETZ
“Provided by the host”?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, it was your job to bathe everybody.
KYLE GETZ
Aww!
MIKE JOHNSON
And then feed them.
KYLE GETZ
That sounds like a swingers party.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, a little bit.
KYLE GETZ
That sounds wonderful.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I’ve never been, but I just assume.
MIKE JOHNSON
But, like, bathing every five days, I’d say, like, during the pandemic, that’s about right.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah, [audience laughs] when I’m really depressed… about day five, maybe I should shower.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, the Romans then, of course, had lots and lots of baths. They built all kinds of shit and had awkward ducts and running water, so they were pretty good at it. They had what they called “thermae”, which, by the year 19 BC, the first one opened up that had a rotunda that was 25 meters across, had a bunch of small rooms. Does that sound familiar? [Kyle chuckles] Um, set in a park with an artificial river and a pool. But, by AD 300, the Baths of Diocletian covered 140,000 square meters and had 3,000 bathers a day.
KYLE GETZ
Hot!
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Challenge accept. [Kyle laughs] But, again, most Roman homes did not have a bathing area, so you went to the public baths to do that.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, right now we’re talking about, like, for cleanliness.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Exactly right.
KYLE GETZ
Which is not- Which is kind of the opposite of what I picture bathhouses for.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Exactly right. But, so, it turns out though that the idea that, like, the nasty happens at bath houses, has also a very, very long history. So as long as there have been bathhouses, there’s been, like, gay shit happening there. [Kyle chuckles] In the minor tractate Kallah Rabbati, in chapter 10 – this is “In Judaism” – the early stages of Israel instructed on what should be the conduct of every Jew who enters a public bath. This was like the protocol. These are the steps you have to take to make sure no gay shit happens.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] It’s like- The tips that I found on the internet, this is like the old Jewish version of that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes, but to make sure that the gay doesn’t happen.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, mine was the opposite. That’s right. Okay, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. It said – and most of this is translated quotes, but – “Before a Jew enters a public bath, he is first required to offer a short prayer unto God, requesting that no offensive act befall him”. [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, all this is literally opposite. I pray to God that I’m gonna find some offensive act to get up to.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. “He is also instructed on which clothes he is to remove before entering the bath, … with the item that puts his body at the most exposure being the last thing removed.” So you take off everything-
KYLE GETZ
Ass. …What? [Mike and audience chuckle] Right?
MIKE JOHNSON
No, just yell “ass” at me whenever you want to. It’s fine. [Kyle laughs] Uh, “When entering a public bath, a Jew is not permitted to greet his neighbor with a verbal salutation”.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, this is the early, like, “Don’t look at each other in the urinal,” rule.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Exactly right. Exactly right. Uh, “if another person should greet him audibly, he is to retort:” quote “‘This is a bath house.’” [Kyle and audience chuckle] “Once inside, he is forbidden to sit in a fetal position,” for some reason. I think, maybe, because that exposes your hole area?
KYLE GETZ
Ass. [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, “…nor is he permitted to rub or scratch another person’s [back].”
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckling] I did not expect you to say “back” when you- I did not expect that to be the last word of the sentence.
MIKE JOHNSON
“…but may use an extended device to scratch another[’s] … back.” So, like, you could touch as long as it’s with one of those, like, scratchy things. [Kyle and audience chuckle] Um, and then, let’s see… Also not permitted to- Like, no massage. Absolutely no touching of each other in the massage way. And all that was to, quote, “discourage developing any close bond [or] connection with another bather that might, otherwise, lead to inappropriate behavior while both men are naked.”
KYLE GETZ
Damn.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, so- And then there’s a lot of records of, like, bathhouses and, like, raids and busts. Like, they gotta stop that shit from happening.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, in 1492 in Florence, there was-
KYLE GETZ
Holy shit.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. There was a series of cases where there were, quote, “suspect boys” in some bathhouses. They convicted 44 men for homosexual relations not involving violence in a bathhouse in Florence. So, at least back that far, that’s where we’ve been going.
KYLE GETZ
Is that, like, the earliest raid of a bathhouse?
MIKE JOHNSON
That I could find.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, 1492 in Grenada, a similar thing. Queen Isabella, who was Catholic, closed the public baths to suppress the homosexual activity that they found out was happening there. 1876 in France, there was a Parisian bathhouse that was raided. I’m not gonna say any of that because it’s all French, and that’s not my forte.
KYLE GETZ
You’re not gonna give it a swing?
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, in the [pronouncing it really badly] Bains de Gymnase on the Rue du Faubourg Poissonnière. [audience chuckles and claps] Thank you! Thank you, random people that also don’t speak French. I appreciate that.
KYLE GETZ
That was gen- That was very generous of you.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Uh, but the thing that I’ll round out the, like, sort of history portion with, is that modern bath houses, the concept of modern bathhouses in the United States, started right here in New York City. [audience cheers and claps] Congratulations, New Yorkers.
KYLE GETZ
You’ve been slutty for forever! [Mike and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Dr. Charles Shepard opened the first Turkish baths in the United States at 63 Columbia Street in Brooklyn Heights, on October 3rd, 1863. One of the famous bathhouses here was the Everard Baths, or, uh, also got called the “Everhard” Baths [Kyle chuckles] by people who knew what went down there. That was the first recorded- No, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, that that was a gay bathhouse – a specifically gay bathhouse – at 28 West 28th Street here in New York, operated from 1888 to 1986. And I know you’re gonna talk more about why the mid-80s were a thing. Um, but uh, the thing that I love about the Everhard is that it was a church. [Mike chuckling] They turned a church into a gay bathhouse. [audience cheers and claps]
KYLE GETZ
What? [Mike and Kyle laugh] Are you sure?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Totally sure. Totally Sure.
KYLE GETZ
Wow. That’s hilarious.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, and then, like, one of the first big gay bathhouse raids also happened here in New York. In 1903, New York police conducted the first recorded raid on a gay bathhouse, the Ariston Hotel Baths, which, 26 men were arrested and 12 brought to trial on sodomy charges. 7 men received sentences ranging from 4 to 20 years in prison. I believe that the address of the old Ariston Hotel Baths is now a Victoria’s Secret headquarters.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, cute. Okay!
MIKE JOHNSON
Which doesn’t make any sense, but…
KYLE GETZ
Alright! Eh.
MIKE JOHNSON
…it’s true.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Anyway, that’s the- That’s some of the history of bathhouses anyway.
KYLE GETZ
The history of…
AUDIENCE
Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Cool. That’s fun, to make people do things.
MIKE JOHNSON
I know, yeah. We had a meeting before the show, and we said “Let’s remember to point more.” [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. We usually bail on that bit, so we’re trying not to this time. Okay… are you ready for me to talk about…?
MIKE JOHNSON
Let’s talk about-
AUDIENCE
Bathhouses!
KYLE GETZ
…When they close down because of AIDS. [audience grumbles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. Great.
KYLE GETZ
Ooh. [Mike and Kyle laugh] Um, so, I got really scared of talking to New Yorkers about New York, so I’m gonna tell you about San Francisco for a little bit. [Mike and audience laugh] I was imagining being like “Here in New York…” I don’t know. You know better than I do, so- Anyway, most of what I got about what happened during AIDS is from the San Francisco AIDS Foundation article by Hank Trout. Um, and- Okay, I think this is a really challenging topic that- What are your initial thoughts on, like, should bathhouses have closed down during AIDS?
MIKE JOHNSON
Boy…
KYLE GETZ
I’m gonna tell you stuff that- to see if I can-
MIKE JOHNSON
Way to throw me under the bus, Kyle. [Mike and Kyle chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Before learning- I will go ahead and say: before learning much information – so, without giving away how I feel now – I was kinda like “It seems difficult, but I- It seems like a good idea.”
MIKE JOHNSON
So- Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. It’s not- It’s not the same thing. I understand it is not the same thing. And, during the pandemic, we would wipe off our fucking groceries. Like, we didn’t know what was making COVID spread. We had all of these, like… theories, and ideas, and thoughts, and panic. And I think it’s really hard to look back at the HIV/AIDS crisis in the days when it was still called “GRID”, before, like, we knew anything about it, and say, like, “Oh, it’s primarily gay men. Oh, it’s primarily sexually transmitted. Oh, they’re fuckin’ a whole bunch, in the bathhouses,” like “Maybe we should shut that down.” But then, hopefully, you learn better and you learn more about what actually works and what’s ethical and you learn some lessons. I think- I don’t fault them for, like, shutting shit down because of what was happening, but the stigma that remained and the dignity that was stolen from the community as a result… I have feelings about that, more than the initial act of, like, “Let’s put a stop to it.”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. I can understand that. So, during this crisis in San Francisco, and in New York and other places, help advocates wanted to shut down bathhouses. So, in San Francisco in 1984-
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
-Larry Littlejohn, who was the founder of a gay organization that was called the “Society”- [Mike chuckles] What?
MIKE JOHNSON
Did he hang out with Robin Hood? Was he, like- [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Larry. Oh, Larry. Um, he founded a gay organization that was called the “Society for Individual Rights”, which, nowadays, if there was a society for individual rights, I’d be like “Oh, they fucking hate me.” Like, I would- I don’t think-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. That has- Yeah. This is the Faith and Family Foundation- Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Vibes. For sure. But that was a gay organization. Um, and also the owner of a sex venue. So, he was the one that introduced a municipal ballot aimed at closing down the bathhouses in response to the AIDS epidemic.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um, that actually got a lot of people talking. That stirred up the public discussion in San Francisco about what to do about bath houses. So that actually didn’t end up coming to fruition or doing any- It was the discussion that came up. Now, like… mayors, city officials had to get involved, and make a decision, and help, and decide what to do about the bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm, mhm, mhm.
KYLE GETZ
So there was a city ordinance that banned “unsafe sexual activity” at sex parlors and bath houses. So, at this time, we did know that it was sex that was- Like, they knew to look out for unsafe sexual behaviors.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
They talked a- I mean, of course there’s still misconceptions around, like, oral. Like, very difficult to transmit HIV through oral sex, even today.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, don’t brush your teeth before you give a blowjob, everybody.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Right, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That’s just your tip of the day.
KYLE GETZ
Um, but- But they at least knew to look out for unsafe sexual behaviors. In order to look out for unsafe sexual behaviors at sex parlors and bath houses, Mayor Dianne Feinstein authorized the SFPD officers to act as spies…
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God. [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
…go into the bathhouses and monitor sexual activity.
MIKE JOHNSON
Can you imagine that squad meeting, where the captain of the police department is like “Okay, y’all, we gotta crack down on these gays. Who wants to go undercover?”
KYLE GETZ
Oh, honey! Pick me, girl! Girl, girl! Girl! Over here, girl! [audience and Kyle laugh] Pick me please!
MIKE JOHNSON
Then he went home to his wife and he was like “I have to for work, I’m sorry.”
KYLE GETZ
“I have to.” [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] Um, so, it’s not just that they were spies that went to the bathhouses; they had to look for unsafe sex!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] I get- I know. I do too. [audience and Mike laugh] Yeah. That’s- So, um, then stuff went to courts. …I don’t- Yeah. That’s kind of what- I didn’t really understand exactly what happened. But, finally, stuff went to courts. They tried to close stuff. They were like “I wouldn’t…” They didn’t want it to close. Uh, so a judge’s rule is what effectively banned bathhouses. So that’s one of the weird parts, is that a judge made this decision, put an injunction that said that they were allowed to close down bathhouses indirectly. They weren’t- It wasn’t banning bathhouses, it was prohibiting places with private rooms with locking doors.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Like my house? [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
No one could have a house! [Mike and Kyle chuckle] You had to- You couldn’t own houses back in the 80s.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
It was wild. No. Like, sex establishments, that, like, had private locking rooms. And they added a requirement to continue monitoring them for- You know, to look for unsafe sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] And, that was to remain in effect until the, uh… Department of Public Health – I wrote the initials – Department of Public Health directors, quote, “declare[d] the AIDS epidemic to be terminated.” …Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Just “It’s done now!”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. That was what we were waiting for, I guess.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh God.
KYLE GETZ
So, actually, that injunction remained into- in effect until 2021. So, I thought, like, they would close things down temporarily then things started opening back up, but no, that remained in effect until just recently when they were like “This doesn’t make sense anymore.”
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s wild.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. So, during the 90s, they did start to open up more of these places, but they avoided some of the rules. Like, they didn’t have private rooms with locking doors on some of the places that opened back up, in order to get around- Like, they found ways to get around these issues and still have bathhouses. But yeah, it was finally rescinded in 2021. Um, like I said, New York City had something similar in 1985, where the bathhouses started getting locked down. And so, as I was reading-
MIKE JOHNSON
Mayor Ed Koch: a real son of a bitch.
KYLE GETZ
We… don’t like him?
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
No. [Mike and audience laugh] Okay, great. I pay attention to politics. …Every time there was an argument- Because I thought- I was like “I know that gay people didn’t like this and were up in arms about it,” but I was like “I kind of think it was a good thing.” So, every time someone made an argument against closing down the bathhouses, I wrote those down, and I want to talk you through some of those.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, instead of closing, some people suggested that they leave them open and use these spaces to disseminate information, to spread awareness, educate people. This is a place where people were going and it was a gathering place for people.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
So it would make sense that this would be a place to spread information. So activist Cleve Jones said, quote, “Personally, I was very ambivalent, torn on the issue,” “…I wish we had kept them open to educate and test patrons, especially for closeted men going to baths and then back to their wives.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Which, that’s true. Like, how do you-
MIKE JOHNSON
Just like those cops, right? [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Just like those cops. They were there just- [Kyle chuckles] just to monitor.
MIKE JOHNSON
I know that there were lots of bathhouses that, like, they would do vote registration- voter registration pushes, like, to try to keep the political power of gay men up, which, really, what other venue is there for that, except for maybe gay bars?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. It makes sense for some of these venues to be some of the places where gay men gather, that you can spread out information awareness, do testing, all that kind of thing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. Vaccination. A lot of monkeypox vaccinations happened in bathhouses too.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yeah. Um, another argument is that these places – I think, especially back in these times – were much more than just anonymous sex. Some of them had full gym equipment, swimming pools, of course steam rooms and saunas. Some had living room-like settings that offered sodas and snacks.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. [Mike chuckles] Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You said before-
MIKE JOHNSON
Back to the gym though, the thing that’s interesting about, like, the gym equipment at a bathhouse is there’s this thought of, like, there’s probably some bro who, like, this is his gym.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, this is where he comes to work out every day. I think that’s really weird.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Hot. You mean “hot”?
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike and audience laugh] Great. …Okay, sure.
KYLE GETZ
I mean, it’s like- Especially- I mean, especially in those times, to find a place that you know you’re a little bit safer place, you know you’re gonna be accepted, you’re not gonna get attacked by the police… Like, to have a safer place like that, it might make sense that this was a gathering place.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah! Yeah. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
So, activist Harry Breaux.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Hairy bro”? [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I didn’t realize that, because it’s spelled like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, it’s “Harry Breaux”! B-R-E-A-U-X. [Mike and audience laugh] French, everybody! [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I didn’t say that out loud to myself [Kyle chuckles] until just now. Anyway, he was an activist and very important to these times. Um, uh, he said, quote, “The restaurant or snack bar and the living room areas were alive with interesting conversations about all sorts of ordinary things. These bathhouses were a place for networking before cell phones.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
So it really was more than- I mean, very sex-forward place, but there was more to do. And I’ve been to bath houses that, like, have, like, a computer room and have a, like, little- And I was, like, always like “Why?” but now I know, like, now, that people sometimes might gather there, or hang out and talk, or whatever. Harry Breaux also says [Mike and audience chuckle] “Closing”-
MIKE JOHNSON
His name is Harry Breaux! Like- [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Uh, “Closing the baths in 1984 was like shutting off the internet today. Our lines of communication in the war on AIDS were severed here in this city.” Other reasons, this is one- Well, actually, okay. So, the decision to shut down bathhouses is in the context of people not giving a shit or doing anything else. So it’s- It’s one of those things that, in retrospect, when I’m looking back on, it’s like “Oh, that’s an interesting conversation about what should have happened.” It’s not that everyone was following sound medical advice, following- like, trying to do the best- Like, no one was doing anything, so it was one of these political kind of wins that could make people feel like they were doing a thing without having to invest, educate, learn, do anything else.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who was doing a shitload?
KYLE GETZ
Who?
MIKE JOHNSON
Dr. Anthony Fauci?
KYLE GETZ
Oh!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
What’d he do?
MIKE JOHNSON
He worked on HIV/AIDS and, like, actually understanding the thing and, like-
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Which is maybe one of the reasons that people on the right didn’t want to believe him about COVID, because they were like-
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh. Oh, fuck them.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I mean… for a lot of reasons. But, given that context, it also made – when they did this, and nothing else – it made gay people feel like they were just trying to criminalize gay behavior, trying to criminalize gay sex, and it was government intruding into their private lives.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, an argument I saw a lot is that HIV is transmitted through behavior, not location. So, people will continue to have unsafe sex… unless- I mean, that’s just something that’s gonna happen no matter what.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. See our Condoms episode last week, everybody. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Look, it’s a good idea to wear a condom. I believe that. [audience and Mike laugh] …That’s not what my app says though. [Kyle, Mike, and audience chuckle] Umm, so people are gonna keep having unsafe sex. Even if you close down the bathhouses, they’re going to have sex elsewhere. So this didn’t actually solve a lot of the problems, this wasn’t the big fix that I think the officials were pretending that it was.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
And another thing just said that they should have trusted the gay men at the baths have enough information and self-esteem to take care of it themselves.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Have you met gay men?
KYLE GETZ
I’m… responsible? [Mike laughs] That’s not true. I couldn’t say that. But I think- I think- I do like the idea of educating people and helping them understand what the decision is, and then letting them decide for themself what to do with that information.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, like, again, I also know that it’s not the same thing. I can’t connect it to anything other than something like monkeypox, like, where we were educating people, telling them what to do, and then let people make- Like, I then made my own decision. I actually, like, did not hook up with anyone during that time, just because I knew that was risky, and got a vaccination as soon as I found them and it became available.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And it was just- Like, I just need to know the information.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
What’s going on, and what do I need to do?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, through all that, I was convinced that this was- I think there’s also something to, like, because I wasn’t there listening to what did gay activists say and think at the time, and trusting that- trusting those people that made those decisions.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, all of that swayed my mind, made me believe that that was the right thing to do.
MIKE JOHNSON
Huh.
KYLE GETZ
Sorry, it’s the wrong thing to do.
MIKE JOHNSON
The wrong thing to do.
KYLE GETZ
Don’t shut down the bathhouses. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Interesting.
KYLE GETZ
Are you convinced?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes.
KYLE GETZ
Okay! [audience and Mike laugh] I needed you to be, for closure, so I appreciate that answer.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Yes. Yes, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
Okay. That’s so great, Mike.
MIKE JOHNSON
You have changed my mind.
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, it’s so good we do this podcast together. [Mike chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright, I- What?
KYLE GETZ
No?
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Yes.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh-
KYLE GETZ
Did I have dick face? [Kyle and Mike chuckle] Did I have resting Kyle face?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
No more than usual. [Kyle laughs] Okay. I’m gonna talk to everybody about…
AUDIENCE
Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
…and the Catholic Church. [Mike chuckles] [audience goes like “eugh”] So I have a couple of stories and, uh, I think a few of them I’m gonna cover in the Patreon segment. So, you can listen for that next week. I’m just gonna focus on just the one here. And, uh, this is slightly fictionalized, but in my head this is how it went down.
KYLE GETZ
Huh! Okay. Okay, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. So, in Ireland at a bathhouse called the “Incognito”-
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
-a man had a cup of coffee, went into the bath house, and was watching porn.
KYLE GETZ
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
He was beating the bishop… [Kyle chuckles] Jerking off. He was jerking off.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, uh… and had a heart attack. [Kyle and audience gasp] Fell over, landed on the floor of the bathhouse, dick in hand.
KYLE GETZ
Oh no.
MIKE JOHNSON
A medical student ran up and started attempting CPR.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, that’s- Wow, convenient. Is there a doctor? The pager, “Is there a doctor here?”
MIKE JOHNSON
To which the medical student then said “Oh my God, this is my priest.” [audience reacts with surprise]
KYLE GETZ
This is the setup to a joke. This isn’t- This is a fake story that you’re telling me.
MIKE JOHNSON
…And then said “He’s dying. I’m not going to be able to save him.” Another priest came out of a room [Kyle gasps] to give that priest last rites.
KYLE GETZ
What?! [Mike chuckles] That was what they were focused on!?
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckling] Yeah. Right.
KYLE GETZ
He’s dying!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I mean, that’s what priests do. They show up to, like, people’s-
KYLE GETZ
He’s dying! I guess they care about God.
MIKE JOHNSON
And another priest came out-
KYLE GETZ
What?!
MIKE JOHNSON
-and offered to tag team. Like, “Do you need help with this last rites thing? We can, like, do it together.”
KYLE GETZ
Are there any more priests that you’re gonna tell me about? You have to tell me now if there are any more.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s- That’s it for-
KYLE GETZ
17 more priests came out of a room.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, no.
KYLE GETZ
No. Okay, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, the guy’s name was Liam Cosgrave, he was 68 years old, and he died. He died at that club.
KYLE GETZ
Aww.
MIKE JOHNSON
And that started this whole scandal. So, the owner of the Incognito Sauna said that up to 20 priests were regular patrons and that was not unusual for there to be three there at a time.
KYLE GETZ
…Was this a gay-affirming Church? [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s the Catholic Church, Kyle. [audience chuckles] No. No, it is not.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
No, it is not.
KYLE GETZ
Well, I was trying.
MIKE JOHNSON
So- And the owner of the club spoke at length about this in the news and he said, quote, “We would not normally give out this information [about customers]…” because there is a thing, “…but as a gay community we rebel against the Catholic church, which refuses to recognize us.” So the owner specifically, like, aired their dirty laundry because he’s like “Fuck you, Catholic Church.”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like “This is what’s happening.”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. This is how I feel about outing gay politicians. Like, don’t out gay people. Like, it’s never okay for you to out someone, people come out on their own time, blah, blah, blah… unless they’re a homophobic politician.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. If it’s our senator then go for it.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, exactly.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Exactly. Lindsey. Um- [Audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Lady G. “Lady G” is what we call her.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s right. That’s right. Uh, foul play was not suspected. They investigated and then, like, nothing really happened. But there was definitely a big-
KYLE GETZ
He just died from porn?!
MIKE JOHNSON
He died from porn. He was jerking off, had a heart attack, and died.
KYLE GETZ
Wow. If there’s one thing for you all to leave with tonight: don’t watch porn. [Mike and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
And don’t be Catholic, I think is the-
KYLE GETZ
Oh, sorry. Sorry, don’t be Catholic. That’s a better one.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, anyway, yeah, I’ll tell the other stories on Patreon. There’s a couple of other interesting things that touch up against the Catholic Church.
KYLE GETZ
How touch- How much? [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
But yeah, we gotta- We gotta rush through this, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
We do?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
No we don’t.
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um-
MIKE JOHNSON
You’re gonna do gayta! You have numbers.
KYLE GETZ
I have numbers. I have some numbers. And what I found was that, in looking for gayta, all of them were about HIV transmission risk at bathhouses. That was the only research study that’s done. So it’s one of those things where that is an important study to do, it’s an important thing to recognize, and also I feel like, so often – it’s not 100, but so much – a really high percentage of our lives, in research, is boiled down to HIV, and there’s a lot more that exists in gay life that needs to be studied and measured in gay life.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
So I didn’t want to just pick one of these studies that talked about HIV risk at bathhouses. Instead, I wanted to- I picked a study that talked about what the best way to get data from gay men is. Oftentimes, people will- researchers will go to bathhouses, or they’ll go to gay bars, or they’ll go online, and find gay men in order to study them, to ask them questions, to get data: the data that I talk about on the show. And the- I’m gonna read from the study. “Most studies that report on venue-associated HIV risk have recruited men from a single venue, be it a bathhouse, bar/club, or Internet website, with very little cross-venue research using identical measures of HIV-associated risk.”
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m stuck on the phrase “recruited men”, and I’m wondering if they have any tips. [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god. Pretend to be a researcher and give them a survey, and tell them it’s not anonymous. [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m a little bit a voyeur, which we’ve talked about and, like-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-just give me a clipboard and let me watch. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, this is a horrible idea, I’m so excited for you. Um, this is a study called “HIV Risk and Substance Use in Men Who Have Sex with Men Surveyed in Bathhouses, Bars/Clubs, and on Craigslist.com: Venue of Recruitment Matters”. [TN: “HIV Risk and Substance Use in Men Who Have Sex with Men Surveyed in Bathhouses, Bars/Clubs, and on Craigslist.org: Venue of Recruitment Matters”] This appeared in AIDS and Behavior, which is a peer reviewed journal, in 2012. By Christian Grov, a PhD professor at CUNY. Boy, there are several ways to fuck up that name. [Kyle chuckles] Christian Grov, by the way, Dr. Christian Grove: very attractive.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Great.
KYLE GETZ
That shouldn’t matter.
MIKE JOHNSON
Give him a clipboard. [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I think he had a clipboard! I think he did this! I think he did the clipboard.
MIKE JOHNSON
Excellent.
KYLE GETZ
But no, he has really great- I looked at some of his other research and watch videos of him talking about helping reduce, like, meth use, and safer sex, and all this good stuff. So he- I really liked him and what he did. And it made sense that he was trying to fight against the idea that you just find gay men at one place and that’s how all of us act.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yep, yep.
KYLE GETZ
So, what I’m gonna tell you is, they had information from each of these three venues: bars, Craigslist, and bathhouses. So I’m gonna tell you some of the differences between gay men from each of these venues.
MIKE JOHNSON
I have a guess which one is most dangerous.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah?
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s not the bathhouse. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Okay, tell me about your, like, stereotypes of each of these locations. Who’s the gay at each of these different locations?
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, uh-
KYLE GETZ
And he did this research right here in New York, so it is New York bars and clubs, New York bathhouses. I wish they- I was gonna bring you- I wish I could bring you the ones that he was at so I could tell you where to go, but I can’t. You’ll have to tell me later.
MIKE JOHNSON
Bars are where you go to get, like, a drink and a blow job, and- [Kyle chuckles] -uh, and the bathhouses are where you go to fuck – maybe you’re drunk, or not, who knows? – and Craigslist is where you go to die. [audience laughs]
KYLE GETZ
…He didn’t follow up to ask if they lived, in the Craigslist study [Mike and audience chuckle] so, I guess… who knows? Okay, so that makes sense that that’s the assumption. I think bathhouses get the stereotype that, like, that’s where people are having dirty raunchy sex, you’re drinking and doing drugs there or have done that beforehand, that’s where the most risk is. I think there are a lot of stereotypes that- around that. Do you agree? Does that- Is that kind of your stereotype of bathhouses?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s all true.
KYLE GETZ
Okay- Wel- N- Eh. Eh! [Mike laughs] Not 100%. Um, so, bars and clubs, they were the most likely to be – some of this made sense – the youngest, they were the most likely to be single, they were the most likely to know their HIV status.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um, and-
MIKE JOHNSON
Know your status, everybody.
KYLE GETZ
Know your status. They were also the most likely to report high scores in this scale that is called the “Attachment to the Gay/Bisexual Community Scale”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Which, I’m gonna have you, I think, later, take the Gay and Bi Community… uh, Scale. That shows you how to attach- like, your level of attachment to the gay and bisexual community.
MIKE JOHNSON
If I fail do I get kicked out? Do I have to go back to women. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Yes. Yes, you do. You absolutely do. Um, they were also the – this makes sense – reported the most alcohol use. They’re at a bar. They were also the mo- [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] Thank you to The Spot for hosting us tonight. [Mike and audience chuckle] It’s been wonderful. Um, they were the most likely to report group sex while drunk or high on drugs. They were also the most likely to have recently used cocaine.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh.
KYLE GETZ
It wasn’t the bathhouses that reported this, which, that was a very big surprise to me.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, everybody, don’t pay attention to this.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
I think of New York as a cocaine town.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle and audience chuckle] Oh, my God. Is that why they’re always awake?
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] The city that never sleeps.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Because of, like, line after line, right? Like-
KYLE GETZ
Oh. I mean, Seattle has been a cocaine town for me sometimes. [Kyle and audience chuckle] But, I mean, I don’t-
MIKE JOHNSON
Seattle’s a weed town.
KYLE GETZ
That’s true. Yeah, that’s very true. Okay, sure. Yes. I’ll go ahead and say: New Yorkers fuckin’ love cocaine.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. [audience and Mike laugh]
KYLE GETZ
And they love- They love doin’ it at bars and clubs… but less than bathhouses? That’s the thing that, like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, that’s surprising.
KYLE GETZ
So, that part of it was surprising. Uh, Craigslist: they were the least likely to identify as gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
That- Okay.
KYLE GETZ
That matches up.
MIKE JOHNSON
That checks out, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
This also is ba- This was done in 2012, when-
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Craigslist and the parking lot of Kmart. [Mike and Kyle chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
My favorite gay club is the parking lot at Kmart. Um, this was in 2012, back when you could do personals. Like, they had personals on Craigslist.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
They shut that down.
MIKE JOHNSON
RIP.
KYLE GETZ
Um- Oh my god, I used to- When I was in college… Oh… [audience chuckles] That’s all I had to say about it. [Kyle chuckles] [audience laughs] I just- Those were the days. Okay, um, they also reported the lowest score in attachment to the gay and bi community.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. Great.
KYLE GETZ
Uh, most likely to report being in a current relationship with a female partner.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Maybe they were bi and open.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know. I’m not judging, I’m just reading you the data.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
They were the most like- No, no, no, they were the least likely to report anal sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Craigslist.
KYLE GETZ
Craigslist.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
I kind of thought that, like, online you were like “No. Like, do me,” you know? You’re like “Here’s what I want, and I’m gonna put it on the internet, and I want to-”
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s really- That surprises me for the same reasons but, like, huh. I mean, Craigslist’s heyday was pre-Grindr, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yes. Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, that was, you know.
KYLE GETZ
Back in the days of gay.com.
MIKE JOHNSON
So the fact that that’s not where the anal was happening is… yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That’s not where the anal was- [Mike chuckles] Where’s the anal? Um, they did report the greatest proportion of anal sex acts that were unprotected.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Okay. Okay, okay.
KYLE GETZ
So they were least likely to report sex – anal sex – but when they did it had the highest rate of unprotected anal sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, again, I would have expected that to be the bathhouses. That wasn’t the case.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hm. Hm.
KYLE GETZ
Um, bathhouses-
MIKE JOHNSON
Probably because bathhouses give away condoms. It’s like there’s always buckets of condoms floating around.
KYLE GETZ
Some of them, like, have requirements these days like every room has to have condoms, every- …and you have to have spies that monitor the bathhouses. [audience and Mike chuckle] Where do you sign- I wonder if that’s a job? [audience and Mike chuckle]
MIKE JOHNSON
I’ll get my clipboard, and you- [Kyle and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
I’ll be a spy in the bathhouse! Um, bathhouses were most likely to say that they never – the men that went there were most likely to say – that they never discussed their HIV status with their sex partner.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hm.
KYLE GETZ
They were the most likely to say that they “strongly agree” it is difficult to discuss HIV with sex partners.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So that part matched up with my assumptions. It’s easier, when you’re on Craigslist or on the apps, to just put your status up front or to ask someone and have that be kind of one of the check ins you do along the way. It’s a little bit more difficult in bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm, mhm, mhm.
KYLE GETZ
The bathhouse patrons were the most likely to be HIV-positive. And, while they reported the highest number of recent sex partners, that- My sentence ended there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
I went up because I thought I had more, and I didn’t. [Mike laughs] Uh, they were they reported- They reported the highest number of recent sex partners. But remember, Craigslist is the highest percentage of unprotected sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
They just have a lot of unprotected- or, a lot of sex. Just, a higher percentage of it was protected sex. So some of those condoms came in handy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
The median, in case you’re curious, in the last three months the median was 7 sex partners.
MIKE JOHNSON
7 sex partners?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. In the last three months. 2 a month with one month. That was good.
MIKE JOHNSON
I need to catch up.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Starting tonight?
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re gonna be at the 9th Avenue Saloon after this, everybody, if you wanna- [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
So the- At the end of this research, what he said- What Doctor – what was his name? – Grov said is that researchers need to go to multiple venues when they survey a gay men. They can’t just go to one venue and assume were all the same. And, be aware of the differences at each venues and, in your reporting of the data, break out by venue so we can see how different people- Regardless of what you’re studying, break out so we can see by venue what the differences are. And, in HIV prevention, we need to tailor messages to each venue based on the characteristics of that venue. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of approach.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That’s the gayta.
MIKE JOHNSON
Thanks, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, no problem.
MIKE JOHNSON
I love math.
KYLE GETZ
Sure you do. [Mike chuckles] I- Yeah. You do.
MIKE JOHNSON
I do!
KYLE GETZ
I- Yeah. I-
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, we’re gonna take a break pretty soon, but before we do we’re gonna play a little game.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
And it’s gonna be…
AUDIENCE
Bathhouses!
MIKE JOHNSON
…Or No.
KYLE GETZ
“Bathhouses or No”?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, so, here’s the thing: I’m gonna say a thing, Kyle is gonna guess if it is a bathhouse or not, and I’m gonna give y’all a “Thumbs up,” if it’s a bathhouse. For the audio, you gotta say “Bathhouse,” and then if I say “Thumbs down,” you’re gonna say “No.” Okay?
KYLE GETZ
Let’s practice it once.
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
AUDIENCE
No!
MIKE JOHNSON
Perfect. Y’all are-
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Thank you.
MIKE JOHNSON
This is an above average crowd, Kyle. [Kyle laughs]
KYLE GETZ
There’s still some show left, Mike. We’ll see.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, first, the Richmond Street Health Emporium.
KYLE GETZ
“Health Empor-”? N- No.
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a bathhouse. It was in Toronto. It was one of the bathhouses that got raided as part of Operation Soap when they went through [audience chuckles] and raided Canadian bathhouses.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, let’s see…
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
How about Man’s Country?
AUDIENCE MEMBER.
Oh God. No.
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] I feel like I’m on The Price Is Right. [audience and Mike laugh] Um, okay, I’ll go with the audience’s vote. I’ll say “No.”
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
MIKE JOHNSON
That is a bathhouse. There wasn’t-
KYLE GETZ
Fuck you all, you’re not helping! [Mike laughs] Wine, help me out.
MIKE JOHNSON
That was a bathhouse in Chicago. Uh, how about-
KYLE GETZ
“Man Country”?
MIKE JOHNSON
Man Coun- “Man’s” Country.
KYLE GETZ
Man’s Country.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Man’s Country”, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Cool. Okay. That’s fun.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, how about Boilermaker?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, I’m gonna say “Yes.” That is a bathhouse.
AUDIENCE
No!
MIKE JOHNSON
No, that’s a beer and a shot, Kyle. Get with the program. [audience and Mike laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Ew. I mean, ew, right? I could not find a bathhouse called “Boilermaker.” I think it would be a fantastic name for a bathhouse.
KYLE GETZ
Yes! Or a steak restaurant.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? [Mike and audience chuckle] Uh, how about- How about The KKK? [audience goes like “ohoho”]
KYLE GETZ
…Now wait a second, everybody! [audience and Mike laugh] No. We’ll go easy: no.
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
MIKE JOHNSON
That is the-
KYLE GETZ
What the fuck?!
MIKE JOHNSON
That is. Ken’s Karate Klub in Sydney, Australia. [audience chuckles] It is a bathhouse. [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Ken… [Mike and audience chuckle] Ken, what are we doing? [Mike chuckles] What are we doing, Ken? That’s… That’s kind of funny. [Kyle chuckles] Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, how about Knob Creek?
KYLE GETZ
I was- That seems like “Yes,” but I’ve been getting them wrong so I’m gonna say “No.”
AUDIENCE
No!
KYLE GETZ
You got one right. That’s a brand of whiskey. [Mike chuckles]
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
Oh, you made me drink that on our Whiskey episode.
MIKE JOHNSON
I did! Yes, I did. What did you think?
KYLE GETZ
I don’t remember.
MIKE JOHNSON
I think you hated that one less than most.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, how about Corpus Cavernosum?
KYLE GETZ
No.
AUDIENCE
No!
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s correct. That’s a part of the penis.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, really?
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s the part that fills up with blood. That’s your corpus cavernosum. Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Eww.
KYLE GETZ
What part is that?
MIKE JOHNSON
The boner part, Kyle. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
That’s just the penis though. [Kyle chuckles] There’s other parts to it?
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s the part of the chamber that fills up with blood, is the corpus caverno- Okay, any- [Audience member says something] [Kyle and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Boners are less hot now. I didn’t know that could happen.
MIKE JOHNSON
How about the BKLYN House Hotel?
KYLE GETZ
Yes. I’m gonna say “Yes.”
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a bathhouse in Manchester, in the United Kingdom. Uh, how about Camp Damascus?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, yeah. I’ll go “Yes.”
AUDIENCE
No!
MIKE JOHNSON
Nope, that’s a book by Chuck Tingle. [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
I love that guy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, followed up by the sequel Pounded in the Butt by Camp Damascus. [Kyle, Mike, and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Of course.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, how about Barefoot Boy?
KYLE GETZ
Ah, I’m gonna go “No.”
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s a bath house in Sydney, Australia, who now has two for two on bad names [Kyle and Mike chuckle] for bathhouses.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Do you go barefoot?
MIKE JOHNSON
At a bath house?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
No!
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Absolutely not.
KYLE GETZ
I was just asking.
MIKE JOHNSON
I take my own flip flops.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
You don’t- I mean, you do know what’s happened.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
I just- I guess it’s probably the place to be though. I worry about, like, athlete’s foot, and foot rot, and, like, and then go, like, put your dick in something. Like, maybe that’s the wrong thing to be worried about. [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, I mean, like, don’t do foot stuff there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Uh, and how about the Continental Baths?
KYLE GETZ
I mean, I’m gonna say “Yes.” That sounds like one.
AUDIENCE
Bathhouse!
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Continental Baths is a notorious New York City bathhouse, and that’s where Bette Midler and Barry Manilow hung out.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, when she did all her bathhouse shows?
MIKE JOHNSON
She did a bunch of bathhouse shows and that was where, the Continental Baths. Apparently Barry Manilow, when he would go, also would just wear a towel.
KYLE GETZ
What?!
MIKE JOHNSON
So when he married my fraternity brother, I think we all knew already.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Gay.
KYLE GETZ
A gay boy.
MIKE JOHNSON
So gay. But, like, his persona was not that. Like, he just- When he and Garry got married a couple of years ago it was like front page of People Magazine, “Did you know Barry Manilow was gay?” Yeah, Bette Midler did. [Kyle and audience chuckle] Uh, anyw- Where’s that beautiful muscley bartender with the shots for the break? Because that- He keeps calling me “babe” and it’s like… oh, girl. [audience laughs, Kyle chuckles] Anyway, um, yeah, we’re gonna- Did we do it? What’s the conclusion here, Kyle?
KYLE GETZ
Okay, so, what kind of- I feel like a lot- When researching this, I feel like it broke a lot of the stereotypes that I had that it was just about anonymous sex.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So, for example, I think that, especially in other times or even today, it’s not just about sex. There’s far more that happens there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Um, I think that our assumption that it is the riskiest place to go is- There are other- Each venue, like I talked about, has different risks.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
So I think there’s that. I also think we didn’t- Maybe it was just based on audience participation, that it’s like… not every single gay man is doing this all the time every night.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right.
KYLE GETZ
Like, I think that’s something we didn’t really touch on too much, is that… I don’t think this is a part of our culture, and our history, and our lives, but it’s not everything.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And I think that’s some people’s assumption, is that we’re just fucking all the time in a bathhouse.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yeah, no, I agree. I absolutely agree.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Uh, y’all agree? [audience quietly woos and claps]
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Yeah!
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Awesome.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. You kind of had to because we have the mic, so… [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] you don’t have another option.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, we’re gonna- We’re gonna take a break and we’re gonna do shots. Uh, be thinking about your Gayest & Straightest and whether you want to participate or not and walk away with some merch. Um…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
You wanna take a break?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Let’s take a break.
MIKE JOHNSON
Let’s take a break. [audience claps]
[Break music plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
This is the part where Mike and Kyle take a break!
MIKE JOHNSON
Cheers. [glasses clink]
MIKE JOHNSON [back from break]
How are you doing, Kyle?
KYLE GETZ
I’m doing good.
MIKE JOHNSON
Are you ready?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Are you- Are we back?
KYLE GETZ
We’re back!
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike laughing] We’re back. [audience woos and claps a little] See, it’s not a long break. We can’t, like, you know. What are we, union? [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Um, we’re gonna do our Gayest & Straightest.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re gonna do our Gayest & Straightest and your Gayest & Straightest but, first… We are going to be- Thank you for being here. That’s fucking fantastic.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. [audience cheers and claps]
MIKE JOHNSON
This is the first stop of a 6-city tour. We are going to be in Seattle next, for Pride weekend. That’s Friday the 23rd at the Hula Hula.
KYLE GETZ
Then we’re gonna be in Chicago on July 29th, San Francisco on August 13th, LA on September 10th, and Houston on October 15th.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaah. If you want tickets or more information, go to gayishpodcast.com/live. Speaking of which, our website is gayishpodcast.com.
KYLE GETZ
We are on all social medias @gayishpodcast, and we have a Facebook group, and a Discord, and Spaces. So go find that information out at gayishpodcast.com/contact.
MIKE JOHNSON
Our hotline, you can send us text messages or leave us voicemails, is 5855-Gayish. That’s 585-542-9474. Standard rates apply.
KYLE GETZ
Our email is gayishpodcast@gmail.com.
MIKE JOHNSON
And our physical mailing address is Post Office Box 19882 Seattle, Washington 98109.
KYLE GETZ
Uh…
MIKE JOHNSON
Gayest & Straightest?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Why not?
MIKE JOHNSON
You want me to start?
KYLE GETZ
Yes!
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great. So, the gayest thing about me this week was: on the- I told you I was gonna tell you this story. We flew into Newark yesterday on Alaska Airlines and, at least in the section that I was sitting, the gayest flight attendant in the history of flight attendants was my flight attendant. His name was [censor beep] and I don’t know how he clocked me, but he definitely knew that I was gay because all of a sudden he’s telling me about, like, where all the cute boys are sitting. He’s like- He said “I bet I’m old enough to be your father. How old are you?” And I said-
KYLE GETZ
That’s- Wow, that’s a swing! That’s a real swing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You should use that on the guys you hit on.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. I know, right? [audience and Mike laugh] We’re gonna be at the 9th Avenue Saloon. [Kyle and audience chuckles] Uh, he said “How old are you?” I said “44.” He said “You know, I told the boys in the back I’m not your daddy. And, just so you know, there’s no sugar in this daddy.” [Mike laughs, audience members groan] It’s like, why is your- These are passengers at your workplace! What are you doing?
KYLE GETZ
There’s no- He doesn’t cum? What does that mean? [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
He doesn’t have any money, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh! Oh. Oh. I thought he doesn’t cum anything anymore. I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike and audience laugh] How do you think aging works? Like-
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know, he’s the one that’s seven-
MIKE JOHNSON
You turn 60 and spider webs come out and, like-? [Mike and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know. I- Whenever someone cums in me I say “Give me the sugar.” I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike laughs] Uh, and then the straightest thing about me this week: I was at a bar last weekend after we recorded the show and, uh, this woman walked over to me and she goes “A couple of my girlfriends think you’re very attractive. Would you like to come say ‘Hi’?” [audience chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
What did you say?
MIKE JOHNSON
I said “I am super gay.” [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh] “So, no.” And she was like “Alright!”
KYLE GETZ
Aw.
MIKE JOHNSON
And she fucked off, so that’s great. [Kyle chuckles] But yeah, I- Like, I got hit on by a herd of women, apparently, so.
KYLE GETZ
Aw. That’s flattering.
KYLE GETZ
It was very flattering and, uh, you know, validating.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I love that.
MIKE JOHNSON
How about you? What’s your Gayest & Straightest?
KYLE GETZ
Uh, my straightest is the Old Spice hair stuff that I use.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Because it’s Old Spice flavored?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, because anything Old Spice just feels like a straight dude. Like, it feels, like, less douchey Axe body spray.
MIKE JOHNSON
Could be, like, after Scary, and Sporty, and Posh. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] Old Spice.
KYLE GETZ
There’s just Daddy Spice: [Mike laughs] one gay dude that’s part of it. Um, my gayest is I used teeth whitening strips, which could, on its own, be my gayest, but then- It’s like the day after that then they start to feel, like, really sensitive. So, to drink water, I just basically deep throated my water bottle. [Mike laughs] Didn’t want to touch my sensitive teeth.
MIKE JOHNSON
I saw Cornbread do that in Boise [Mike and Kyle laugh] with a Corona.
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, that’s impressive.
MIKE JOHNSON
It was very impressive, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
After the show? Gonna give it a shot?
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, sure.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
The 9th Avenue Saloon. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Does anyone want to share their Gayest & Straightest? If so, raise your hand. Okay, yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right up front. Here we go.
KYLE GETZ
Come on up onto the stage.
MIKE JOHNSON
Please use the microphone.
JOHN CRAWLEY
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah,
JOHN CRAWLEY
Gayest thing about me happened today. This afternoon, I went to the New York Historical Society Museum and checked out their, uh- What was it?
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Don’t ask me. [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh]
JOHN CRAWLEY
They had an exhibit on J. C. Leyerdecker– Leyendecker? – who’s like the gay Norman Rockwell of the 1920s and 30s.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great, great.
JOHN CRAWLEY
He drew these pictures of pretty men looking at each other for, like, Collar ads and things. Ivory Soap and stuff like that.
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m sure AI will steal that any day now. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle]
JOHN CRAWLEY
And then I went upstairs to their third floor and checked out their collection of Tiffany lamps.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ah.
JOHN CRAWLEY
And then I went down to the gift shop and I bought my copy of Gay New York. It better be good, Mike.
KYLE GETZ
Oooh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, yeah. That book is amazing.
JOHN CRAWLEY
Cool.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
JOHN CRAWLEY
The straightest thing about me this week is: yesterday, I ventured out into the backwoods of northern New Jersey to visit the Boy Scout camp where the original Friday the 13th was filmed.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oohh.
JOHN CRAWLEY
And I hung out with a bunch of fanboys who looked like they crawled out of mom and dad’s basement. [Mike, Kyle, and audience chuckle] [audience applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you. Uh, wait, before you go, before you go… can we- Yeah. There’s mugs, there’s also a limited number of T-shirts and some big stickers over there. Um, yeah, who wants to- Just because I made eye contact. Yeah. [Mike chuckles] [audience applauds] Uh, also- Also, tell us your name and where you’re from, please.
JOHN CRAWLEY
John Crawley.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaah! Thanks-
JOHN CRAWLEY
Super Gap Bridger.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah! Thanks, John.
KYLE GETZ
Ooo! [audience applauds, someone says “Yass!”]
KEN WALKER
Hi, I’m Ken Walker. I’m from Massachusetts.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Excellent. Welcome.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Welcome!
KEN WALKER
So, the straightest thing for me is that I installed the water heater in my home – water filter, not water heater – water filter in my home all by myself. Didn’t actually need any help.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
KEN WALKER
So- I’ve never done that before.
MIKE JOHNSON
I think just knowing what that is is your straightest, [Kyle and audience chuckle] much less actually installing it, but okay. [Mike laughs]
KEN WALKER
And the gayest thing is: at my 40th birthday last weekend, I-
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy birthday!
KEN WALKER
Thank you. [audience applauds] …My boyfriend crowned me in front of my whole family, gave me an actual crown. [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. I thought that maybe that was, like, something you would do at a bathhouse but-
KEN WALKER
[audience laughs] No.
MIKE JOHNSON
-like, you mean an actual crown. [Mike chuckles] Okay.
KEN WALKER
…In the presence of my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend. [Mike and Kyle laugh, audience applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
Thanks, Ken. Thanks, man. Well, let’s- Sure.
VARIOUS AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. [audience laughs] You’ll do. I don’t know. [Mike laughs]
KEVIN
Hi.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hi!
KEVIN
People call me Kevin.
MIKE JOHNSON
But what is your- People call you that, but what is your name? [Mike and audience chuckle]
KEVIN
That’s my name. You said “Sure,” and I was, like, trying to correct that my name is not “Sure”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Got it, got it. Okay. [Mike chuckles]
KEVIN
Also known as, uh, “Kevin loves Danny Carrillo” a couple weeks ago.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ohhh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
KEVIN
So, my straightest is building – installing – like, a garage door system at my house using drills and, like, stud finders, and a whole bunch of stuff that- I was impressed with myself.
MIKE JOHNSON
Nice.
KEVIN
Um, my gayest this week is coming to New York for y’all.
KYLE GETZ
Aww! [audience awws]
KEVIN
Um, and introducing my husband to my ex who is a good friend of mine and who thinks that Mike is a super perfect daddy for him.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh. [audience applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
Sean, sure, yeah. [audience laughs] I know you.
SEAN
Hello!
MIKE JOHNSON
Hi!
KYLE GETZ
Hi.
SEAN
I am Sean. I am from here, albeit across the river, Hoboken. And um, I’m also the Minecraft server admin extraordinaire. That is a thing that exists, it’s on the Discord.
MIKE JOHNSON
[Mike chuckles] Yeah.
SEAN
Uh, my gayest this week is: my boyfriend – who is over there – and I just went to Maine to his cabin and, like, wined and dined. And I feel like doing that when you’re in your 20s… [Mike laughs] is pretty gay. [Kyle chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yep.
SEAN
Um, and our straightest is: we almost did not make it here tonight, because we had to do car maintenance on the drive down. [Kyle gasps]
MIKE JOHNSON
Ohhh.
KYLE GETZ
That sounds horrible. Did it- Did you fix it?
SEAN
No, but we managed to not explode.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. [Mike and audience chuckle] [audience applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
He took a T-shirt, so- We have another mug. Yeah! …A “Have A Nice Gay” shirt? That’s fucking fantastic. [a couple audience members woo]
JASON
Hello, my name is Jason. I’m from Brooklyn.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hi, Jason from Brooklyn. [a couple audience members clap and cheer]
JASON
Straightest thing was: watching the PGA… [Mike, Kyle, and audience laugh] 20 minutes before I came here and drinking a beer.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
JASON
And the gayest is: I bought this merch on the website.
MIKE JOHNSON
Love it.
JASON
…and I want you both sign it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, okay!
KYLE GETZ
Oh. Sure! [audience applauds and cheers] [Mike chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Where do you want me to sign it?
JASON
Anywhere.
KYLE GETZ
Anywhere. We’ll go nipple. [audience chuckling, a woo, and a “Yeah!”]
MIKE JOHNSON
…This is so surreal, everybody. [audience and Kyle laugh]
JASON
I love it!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, other nipple! [audience chuckles then applauds]
JASON
Thank you. See you in Seattle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh! Thank you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Wow!
KYLE GETZ
Thanks for coming.
MIKE JOHNSON
And in Seattle. I didn’t even think that- Like, first of all, I was pretty sure that, of our 10s of listeners, all of them are here today. [audience and Kyle chuckle] Like, this is the whole audience.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, you’re it.
MIKE JOHNSON
But, like, that people would come to more than one show… that’s blowing my mind.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um… We have 8 minutes.
KYLE GETZ
Do you want to do one more?
MIKE JOHNSON
Let’s do one more!
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Okay. [audience lightly applauds]
JARED
I’m Jared. I’m from Queens.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. [audience woos]
JARED
Hello. Uh, my gayest is: this week, I ordered an entirely new linen outfit to go to an outdoor wedding in Connecticut, gay wedding.
MIKE JOHNSON
Nice.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, nice.
JARED
My straightest is that, utterly devoid of fashion sense, I had to have a gay friend pick out what I was wearing. [Kyle, Mike, and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeees! [audience applauds] Yes, yes. Be sure to grab the thing. …Awesome, thank you- Another round of applause for you. Thank you for being here. [audience applauds and some cheer]
MIKE JOHNSON
A quick, like, vulnerable moment. This is the- This is the first stop on our, like, 6-city tour and this is the first time that we’ve charged money for a live show and we had no idea what to expect. We could have been playing to an empty room, and yet here you all are, and that’s- The survey helped. We did a listener survey and y’all said that you would show up if we did this. And we did, and you did, so that’s really heartwarming. Thank you for, like, making it feel like this is a thing that we can do. [audience applauds and cheers] Uh, big round of applause for The Spot for hosting us, taking a chance on us being here today. [audience applauds and cheers] Be sure to tip, especially the beautiful muscly one. [Kyle chuckles] Uh, a big thank you to my cousin Vanessa for working the door. She’s absolutely amazing. [audience applauds and cheers] You’re brilliant, and talented, and gorgeous, and I’m very proud of the woman that you’ve become. I wiped that ass, everybody. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Sounds like something you do at a bathhouse. [Mike and audience laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Thank you to everybody who gave their Gayest & Straightest. We really appreciate it. That’s fantastic. [audience applauds]
MIKE JOHNSON
We are- So, here’s order of events. We have to be out of here by 9:30 because they’re doing, like, a piano thing. So we’re gonna be packing up, but feel free to come and say “Hi,” hang out, chat, whatever. Just know that we’re working because we gotta get- like, pack everything up and get out of here. At 9:30 we’re going to be leaving here, whatever state we’re in, [Mike chuckles] dropping the shit off at the hotel, and then we are going to the 9th Avenue Saloon, that’s it, at – uh… I can’t see – 656 9th Avenue. It’s very close. Um, and we’ll be hanging out there for a while. So, come hang out, have a beverage, whatever.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, but yeah, thank you again. Really, really appreciate you for being here.
KYLE GETZ
Thank you so much for being here. [audience applauds] I would also like to thank our Super Gap Bridgers: Andrewbr-
MIKE JOHNSON
Nailed it, Kyle. [Mike and audience chuckle] You’re doing so good. [Mike laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Andewbr Bugbee [TN: Andrew Bugbee], William Bryant, Christopher M, John Crawley…
JOHN CRAWLEY
Hey!
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle chuckles] …Stephen Portch, Joh Stoessel, Harry Shaw, Josh Copeland, Jonathan Montañez, Waddu, Forrest Nail, Patrick Martin, James Barrow, Steve Douglas, Explosive Lasagna, Michael Cubbington, Just Jamie, Kevin Henderson, Tomas B, Timothy Saura, DustySands, AE Coleman, Chris Khachatourians, and Jerome York. Thank you for your money.
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you. [audience and Mike chuckle] [audience applauds] Uh, that is it. From the Chris Khachatourians studios at The Spot in Hell’s Kitchen, here at the island of Manhattan in New York, this has been Gayish. I’m Mike Johnson.
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz. Until next week, be butch, be fabulous, be you!
MIKE JOHNSON
See you next week. [audience cheers and applauds]
[Outro music plays, instrumental]
MIKE JOHNSON
Fuck, Kyle, we did it. [Mike and audience laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Fuck, Mike, we’re done.
[Transcriptionist: C Dixon, CMDixonWork@gmail.com]